Sorry.
Let me do this a little differently.
Just very recently, a lovely deathfic was posted on these boards, where the dead person was not Lois. Suffice it to say that the dead person was male.
Now let's imagine the story differently. The woman in the story does not have a son and a daughter, but she has two sons. She is told that both are dead, and she grieves for both of them. Then she finds out that one is alive, but she continues to grieve for him as much as she grieves for his dead brother. She grieves for her living son as though he was dead like his brother, although he clearly isn't.
The woman buries her dead son and watches the other one grow up. Her surviving son has two sons, so she has two grandsons. She is told that both her grandsons have died, and she grieves for both of them. Then she finds out that one of her grandsons is alive, but she continues to grieve for him as though he was dead like his brother, although he clearly isn't.
The woman buries her dead grandson and watches the other one grow up. Her surviving grandson has two sons, so she has two great-grandsons. She is told that both her great-grandsons are dead, and she grieves for both of them. Then she finds out that one of her great-grandsons is alive, but she continues to grieve for him as though he was dead like his brother, although he clearly isn't.
Conclusions: TOGOMs are the same as any other deathfics.
Okay, this was probably not a lot less cryptic. As probably all of you know, TOGOMs are stories where Lois watches Clark Kent being shot, and because she doesn't know that he is Superman, she believes that he is dead. Therefore she grieves for his as though he was dead. Later she finds out that he is alive, however, and she is overjoyed.
Deathfics, any deathfics, are of course stories where a key character in LnC dies and remains dead.
When I have complained that there are many more Lois deathfics posted on these boards than Clark deathfics, I have several times been told that it is not really necessary to write any more Clark deathfics, because the topic of Clark's death has been thoroughly explored in the TOGOM stories. To this I have always replied that a TOGOM story is not the same thing as a deathfic. If the person who was believed to be dead turns out to be alive and well, then the story isn't a deathfic but something else. And because of that it isn't at all fair to compare a TOGOM story, where Clark is believed to be dead but is always alive, with a Lois deathfic, where Lois always remains dead. In other words, my point is simply this: A TOGOM story is not the same thing as a deathfic, and a woman who grieves for her living child as much as she grieves for her dead child has simply got her priorities wrong. She has concluded that if she once believed that both of her children were dead, then she must continue to grieve for both of them equally as if both of them were dead, even though one of them is clearly alive and well.
My entire post was a refutation of the idea that TOGOMs explore Lois's grief and Clark's death just as well as Lois deathfics explore Clark's grief and Lois's death. Because that is just not true.
On the other hand, grief is an irrational thing. Who can tell his or her heart what it mustn't grieve for? And besides, the woman in my little fic had reason to grieve for her living son, her living grandson and her living great-grandson. After all, all of her three surviving descendants had seen a sibling die, and two of them had seen one of his own children die. Isn't that reason enough for the woman to grieve for her surviving son, for her surviving grandson and for her surviving great-grandson? It most certainly is. But I'm still saying that the woman was wrong to grieve for the living and for the dead equally. Their fates were definitely not the same, and you shouldn't grieve them equally.
Finally, Elena, that was a most perfect comment! Good thing for this woman that she didn't have a brother! Ah, but if she did, she would have been spared all this grieving, wouldn't she?
Ann
