Finally found where exactly it was. Knew the context from the start, then figured out the author, then had to make sure which story. Anyway...it's part of the wonderful Firestorm series by Irene Dutch,
Hiding in the Shadows ok, here it is.
As he waited, he found himself wondering about the effect the
woman had on him. He'd always liked women, in a friendly way, but
none of them had ever made him feel what this woman had at first
sight. He'd assumed that whatever had endowed him with abilities
far beyond those of ordinary men had also cursed him with an
inability to be attracted to anyone. He'd been resigned to a
lonely life; he wasn't able to confide in anyone, and without the
ability to love, he was destined to be ultimately unhappy.
At least that's what he had come to believe. While he had never
been struck by cupid's arrow, the whole idea of love fascinated
him. He'd read the Kama Sutra, and the love writings of a dozen
different nations, all in their original language.
He'd even explored the possibilities involved in sex, though he'd
always been disappointed. He hadn't done it often; while he might
not need to worry about pregnancy or disease, he'd always been
concerned about the emotional well being of his partners. He'd
come to believe that he was incapable of love; leading a woman to
hope that more was possible was deeply wrong.
He'd wondered if it would have been easier had his parents
survived. They'd always seemed to know the answers, and Clark had
had many questions since their deaths. If he'd only been a little
faster, everything might have been very different. He certainly
wouldn't have lived the life he had; on the other hand, he might
not have been so driven to succeed.
