It's 3:42 a.m. and I am sitting here mulling over something. (I am no longer on day shifts, to clarify why I am up this late; I don't want people thinking I am aiming for death by insomnia.) I read an article last month in a parenting magazine about 10 myths in marriage, and one of them was that your spouse should be your best friend. The article basically said like the separation of church and state, there should be one between your mate (the person you are intimate with) and your best friend (the person you complain to about your botched bikini wax).
I know of people who have a same-sex best friend, but they also consider their spouse their best friend. And then there are people who look to their mate as their confidante, their lover, their sounding board, etc. And then there are those that completely separate the two.
I honestly think, at least of my circle of friends, the second choice I gave is the most common. I think that as we get older and start our careers and families and, in essence, our lives, we often drift away from the social circles we have established in high school or college and find that the one person we usually have time to talk to is our partner -- whether that be a long conversation over dinner or a screaming rant about the traffic on a voicemail. (Uh, not that I'd ever do that ... I'm a very calm driver ... or something.)
Look at Lois and Clark. They were already best friends when they fell in love, and I think that made it easier for them -- Lois, because there was already a degree of trust built up, and Clark, because he felt comfortable enough with her that he'd eventually want to share his secret. And I think that as they became a couple, and got married, Lois and Clark stayed each other's best friend. They were the only people who truly understood each other, and no matter how much they may have argued about it or disagreed with each other's viewpoint, at the end of the battle, they would still be standing together, come hell or high water.
My relationship with my husband is similiar to Lois and Clark's, actually. We were friends (when we weren't dating and breaking up multiple times) before we fell in love, and by the time we got together, he had basically become my best friend. (I mean seriously, Mr. ESPN himself gave up watching the Mariners in the 2001 ALCS to drive me to buy cold medicine. THAT is a best friend.) And to this day, he is still my best friend. I tell him (almost) everything and he's the one person I know will be by my side, even if he secretly wants to kill me at that moment.
I have several good girlfriends, but geographic distance makes it difficult to talk as much as we'd like, so unfortunately (for him), my husband gets to hear about how the size medium in the pink sweater didn't fit right so I had to buy a large, and how the WSU basketball coach is hot. (Actually, in my defense, after he led them to the Sweet 16, I think every man in Cougar Nation had a total man crush on Tony Bennett.)
So I guess I am curious what other people think: Do you feel that your spouse/significant other SHOULD be your best friend, or do you feel that it's better to have a separation between best friend and romantic partner?
