"so you see, lois, when i was shot, i was wearing one of these... every reporter should have one! here, i got one for you, too!"
"gee, thanks, clark. next time i go out to a gangster-infested nightclub in an evening gown, i'll put this on. it will be so inconspicuous."
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clark, out loud: "lois, do i really have to wear one of these things? i know it'll be more authentic, but it's so constraining and i'm afraid that i might just end up ripping it apart. it's not like i need it, anyway. the whole thing... it's just not me..."
lois, thinking to herself: "i can't believe he is complaining to me about how uncomfortable it will be to strap one of these heavy things tightly to his chest!"
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"so, as i understand it, this harness is supposed to simulate the added weight and bulk of the first trimester. okay. i can understand you wearing one, just to see how it would feel, but why do i get one? i can lift a truck with one hand. i'll never feel this thing."
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check this out, lois! i had dr klien make it up especially for you! this one here is a back-up, in case something happens to the first one, but i can use it to demonstrate. see, it's not just a bullet-proof vest, although it does stop bulets. it's got all sorts of features.
over here is a parachute, so the next time you get thrown off a building, you just press this button.
this is an emergency tracking beacon, so the next time you get dropped down a chute into a soundproofed room, you can just press this button and i'll be able to find you. no more relying on tuning into your pager for me!
speaking of that little escapade, the vest also acts as an emergency floatation device. you just hold it like this. so, the next time you're drowning in wet cement or are thrown out of an airplane which happens to be over water, it'll be really useful.
now, if you happen to land in shark-infested waters, you'll need to use...
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