Okay, no more delays. She might as well go out and get this over with. Lois just knew that when she got to the part of her speech about whom she was thankful to, she was afraid she would break down in tears because she wouldn’t be looking at Clark’s supportive smile as she said his name.
In the second sentence, since it is what Lois "just knew", I think it should be "thankful to, she would break down", no need for a modifier.
On another note, even without cutting the parts in half this story is looking to be well on the way to getting to 200 parts.
