Now I know exactly what I'm getting everyone for Christmas this year.
we asked them about that really weird Southern speciality which, from what I can tell, no-one likes yet it turns up with every single meal, whether you ask for it or not: grits.
This is completely true. Though we don't often talk about it. There is a Mandatory Daily Quota of Grits Per Person. (Or just G.P.P., if you're more familiar with the term.) According to the tables, which are reconfigured each year, a person's GPP is determined by body weight *and* how deep in the south he/she lives. Woe to those who don't eat their fill!! You get sent up north. Someplace bitterly cold where professional sports are played inside a dome! Or where you're forced to ice fish. Either one is bad enough.
Ok. I might have made some of that up, but I'm not saying which part.
Grits are yummy! But there's a crucial element to their proper preparation I haven't seen mentioned here. When you dish them up, if they slide or run off the spoon, Do Not Eat Them.
Seriously, if you ever remember one thing I ever taught you, let it be this:
Grits must cling.
They must clump. They must stay on the spoon even as you turn it upside down. It should be a wrestling match. You- shaking the spoon, trying to pry them loose so they'll land on your plate (hopefully right in between the ham, eggs, and red-eye gravy.) Grits- trying like all get out to just hold. on. a. bit. longer.
That is how grits should be served. Also, mix them with butter, salt, ham, bacon, eggs, shrimp... anything salty. Really, really, really good.
Really! Why would I lie?
CC
