I'm away from the board for a week, and there's a NEW LABRAT STORY!!!!! Yay!
I really like this story so far, although I have to admit for now we've only seen the side of Lois I dislike (where often times I just want to tell her to shut up and listen already), but with the latest part it definitely seems like you're moving towards a stronger, more compassionate Lois. Plus, I infintely prefer pushy Lois to perfect Lois!
As far as ellipses go, I think the pauses do an excellent job of illustrating the breathlessness you're trying to convey. Sure, they break up the flow a little, but that's true to the story. I prefer it to "Clark said breathlessly" because this way you're following the old adage of "Show, don't tell." Just my $0.02.
Anyway, more soon, please!
