I think this might be my favorite segment of the story. Well, except there are a few parts later on that I'm also particularly fond of, so maybe this just ranks two or three...
Reading this I felt like I was struggling to get away - I felt breathless and panicked. I love the tension in the scene. For me, as a writer, to capture action and make it feel real is nearly impossible. So I am totally wowed by this because it is so well done.
Specifics - LOL over Lois's commentary. How she immediately thought it was Clark's fault that they were being shot at, and then getting angry at him for risking his life. Too, I loved her concern for him once she discovered he'd been injured.
And Clark...my dear, sweet, big beautiful Clark. Willing to put his now-vulnerable body between Lois and those bullets. <whimper>
Lab, you know my thoughts on the ellipses. They don't bother me at all. In fact, like Liz, they made me feel kind of breathless. But if they do bother you, I don't see any problem with taking them out. From what I've been taught (so take that with a grain of salt) apparently a writer can allude to specific speech pattern/accent in the begining to establish it and then drop off the little stylistic trappings if necessary. Like implying that someone has a heavy southern accent but not actually writing words the way they'd be pronounced phonetically.
I say - keep 'em in.
Great part. And that cabin...hmmm
Lynn
