Lois was in love with Superman.
<That's a nice strong opening statement. I like it.> She also licked Lex Luthor.
<I'm betting that she "liked" him instead, although the way you wrote it brought funny pictures to my mind. Tee hee.> He was a hansome
<handsome> man and
<You could use "and" here, but I would say "who took her"> took he
<her> nice places. How can
<could> she decide? Sadly, Lois thinks
<thought> that she will never choose.
<This would be a good place to fill it out if you wanted to expand your fic into something longer. Why does she think that?> Then their is
<It should be "there was". Be careful about those tenses.> a knock on her door.
<Start a new paragraph here. Also add quotation marks. "It's Clark!"> It's Clark!
<Another new paragraph. More quotation marks. "Come in," Lois said, and he did.> Come in Lois said, and he did.
<Another new paragraph. Also, add the last two words to the end of the sentance, like this, "Lois, I love you!" said Clark. > "Lois, I love you!" Said Clark. This made Lois happy.
<We're getting to the climax of the story here. You might want to add more description so we can walk a bit in Lois' shoes.> <Another new paragraph. Also, add the last two words to the end of the sentance, like this, "Clark, I love you, too!" she said. > "Clark, I love you too!" She said.
<This is a good place to tell us what she's thinking. It adds to the drama of the climax and draws the reader in.> She frowned.
<"...but also> "But also Lex and Superman."
<Remember to start a new paragraph everytime someone new speaks.> "Well
<,> I am Superman.
<replace the period with a comma>" said Clark. He spun into his costume to show her.
<His actions speak powerfully here. You might want to show us more of what that looks like to add to the action. Try adding some more from the five senses to fill it out.> <Since we're switching to Lois' POV, I'd start another paragraph.> Lois giggled. "Are you Lex to?"
<Ha ha! What a great punchline. Let's just fix the grammar, "Are you Lex, too?"><">No
<,"> said Clark.
<">Only a superman who loves you!
<"> <Aww! What a sweet way to end it. You have the makings of a very sweet vignette here with only a few grammar issues to clean up. I think it would touch the reader more if you filled it out in some spots, but all in all it's a nice ficlet.>The End
In general, I assume people want their grammar problems fixed. I also assume they want encouragement--nobody writes to be abused. I ask if they want feedback regarding style or plot, but that's usually not my primary focus. Most of the betas I've done have been for newbie writers who might get overwhelmed if you ask them to fix everything all at once. I also beta for James, and I've been known to be truly tough on him. (But I swear I made it up to him later. Besides, he's never pouted for more than a few weeks.)
Chief Pam, you can beta for me any day with style like that. Classicalla, since I have fewer grammar issues I might just hit you up one of these days if you could grow me as a writer. And Shayne, well... shucks, you can write for me any time, but I just might be insulted if you replaced my story with your own as a beta reader.
