Okay, you asked for it... Giggles.
Well, the first thing I’d look at would be grammar, punctuation, and spelling. Depending on the person, I might make other suggestions. Believe it or not, I’ve been asked to do a couple of betas that weren’t nearly as good as this ‘crap’ (really). This one is actually understandable. My changes are in bold / single brackets. My suggestions / comments are in double brackets. I usually work in colors because it’s easier to see the changes. I made more comments at the end of this ‘beta’.
Lois was in love with Superman. She also
licked [change to: liked] Lex Luthor. He was a
hansome [change to: handsome] [[Who is handsome? Clark or Lex? I assume you are speaking of Lex, but this could also refer to Clark. Be specific, please.]] man and took
he [change to: her] [suggest adding the word: to] nice places.
[[What kind of nice places? Please elaborate. Details, details!]] [[Suggest starting new paragraph here.]] How
can [change to: could] she decide? Sadly, Lois
thinks [thought] that she
will [change to: could] never choose. Then
their is [change to: there was] a knock on her door.
It's [It was] Clark!
[[Suggest starting new paragraph.]] Come in [Add quotation marks before Come, comma after in, and quotation marks after the added comma (I don’t need to be this specific with most people, but there are some folks who don’t understand if I don’t.) - “Come in,” Lois said, and he did.
[[Start new paragraph.]] "Lois, I love you!"
Said [change to: said] [[In instances like this, said should not be capitalized. Suggest using other speech verbs rather than always using ‘said’.]] Clark. This made Lois happy.
[[Start new paragraph.]] "Clark, I love you too!"
She [change to: she] [[See above explanation.]] said. She frowned. "But
[add: I] also
[add: love] Lex and Superman."
[[Start new paragraph.]] "Well
[add comma] I am Superman
. [change period to comma] " said Clark. He spun into his costume to show her.
[[Start new paragraph.]] Lois giggled. "Are you Lex
to [add comma after Lex and change 'to' to: too] ?"
No [Change to: “No,” ] said Clark.
[Add quotation marks.] Only a
superman [Capitalize: Superman] who loves you!
Mind you this was a ‘quickie’ beta. I would tell this ‘person’ that they need to use consistent tenses. I go through and check that all the spacing between sentences is the same - most people stick with either all single spacing or all double spacing but some people use both (usually by accident). I check to see that there is consistency with smart quotes or straight quotes, long dashes or short dashes, etc. I usually go back through the story and re-read it to catch stuff I might not have caught the first time. I also try to note inconsistencies in the story line. I would probably make more suggestions if this was real - like using longer sentences. I also keep in mind the differences between American and British English.
Having learned from experience, I will no longer take on a beta without saying, “You let me read some of your stuff and then I’ll tell you if I can beta your story.” I’ve been told I can be hard on the writer but I’ve also been told by the same people that I helped make them better writers. (Now if I could just do something to improve my stuff.
)
Whew!
