Okay, I'll take your challenge, since I'm avoiding real work... haven't seen what anyone else has done.
Dear Author,
That's a nice little scene, with a prompt happy ending, but it could use a little fleshing out. I've commented on some grammar issues. I've also included a few suggestions for adding some depth and detail, but I don't expect you to use anything I've written. I've just included examples to try to explain what I'm talking about. Let me know if I haven't been clear enough.
Lois was in love with Superman. [Well, that's kind of blunt for a story hook. I'd add a sentence before to soften it, like, "What was a girl to do?" or "Romance can be so confusing" or something. Better yet, give some context for her thoughts -- "Lois paced her living room floor, confused and unhappy."]
She also licked Lex Luthor. [ewwww. Please tell me she liked him, instead
]
He was a hansome man and took he nice places. [that's "handsome" and he took *her* to nice places.]
How can she decide? [Wacky verb tense -- everything else has been in past tense so you shouldn't switch. It should be "how *could* she decide?"]
Sadly, Lois thinks that she will never choose. [Verb tenses again -- "thought that she would" and personally, I'd pad it a bit -- "never be able to choose.]
Then their is a knock on her door. [It's "there" not "their" and change "is" to "was" Also the "then" is a bit confusing -- up til this moment, the story's all been summary, but here it switches to action, and there ought to be some sort of transition. Maybe the knock startles her out of her thoughts or something]
It's Clark! [Yay!]
Come in Lois said, and he did. [Need quotes and a comma -- "Come in," Lois said...]
"Lois, I love you!" Said Clark. [No capital S on "said," it's all part of the same sentence. And it's a bit bland. Is he intense? Fervent? Angry? Smiling or pleading? Just a few details will help fill in the scene.]
This made Lois happy. [This is summary again, in the midst of action. How can you show her happiness? "She smiled" or "She felt as if her heart would burst with happiness" or something.]
"Clark, I love you too!" She said. [Again, it's all one sentence so drop the capital S on she]
She frowned. [Too choppy, need a smoother transition. "She said, then added with a frown," maybe]
"But also Lex and Superman."
"Well I am Superman." said Clark. [Need commas after "Well" and "Superman".]
He spun into his costume to show her. Lois giggled. "Are you Lex to?" [That's cute. Also should be "too" not "to"]
No said Clark. [Quote marks and a comma around "No"]
Only a superman who loves you! [Quote marks needed, but that's a sweet reply.]
The End
I'd be so tempted to have her say "Two out of three ain't bad!" but that might undercut the WAFF a bit.
Overall, I liked this (apart from the image of licking Lex!) but I do think you could improve it with only a few additions. Readers want to be able to see what the characters are doing -- sitting, standing, smiling, frowning? -- and some background is good. Otherwise there's a faint sense that the characters are hanging suspended in white space, which is odd.
Looking forward to seeing your next draft!
PJ
