Well, I've been laughing out loud on more than one occasion while reading your stories. Some even reminded me of my very own. I mean, I only have one daughter, but that one time in labor was... interesting.
It was about 6 pm, and I was terribly hungry (time for dinner!)when my (now ex-)boyfriend and I got home. I sat down onto the bed to change into my slippers when I felt something give. Like Nan, I moved really quickly and managed to get to the bathroom without getting my undies wet. (Yeah, really, really quick. My boyfriend never even knew I had been anywhere but the bathroom.
) I hadn't realized it by the time, but I had had mild contractions all over the afternoon.
Well, labor started for me right after the water broke. I got contractions about every seven minutes. We got myself into the hospital, which took about 45 minutes. (In Germany, you're told to go to the hospital at once when your water breaks.) At the end of that time, my contractions came every four to five minutes. Exactly the right time to get into the hospital.
Getting me signed in and waiting for a first exam took about 40 Minutes. By then, I was still pretty cool (reading a book, can you imagine?), having heard that the first baby always takes its time. I was examined, and I was already 4 cm dilated. Still, they put me on a CTG for half an hourin order to find out if I had real labor. Well, I could have told them, for the contractions got worse and worse... Still, they told me it would be a long time until my child would be born. After all, it was my first. (I told them it didn't feel like it would take a long time, but what did I know? I didn't have any experience in that matter.)
Still, they decided that I needed an ultrasonic testing, for which I had to wait for about an hour. But what did it matter? There was still enough time left. By then, I was near to asking for pain meds. Finally, I got into the room with the necessary equipment, but it took the doctor some time to arrive. By the time he finally made it, he discovered that he had a little problem, for there was near to no amniotic fluid left - which didn't do the quality of the pictures he could see any good. So, the testing took about half an hour. I could have sworn that I got a few bruises from that.
I got out and was examined once again. (Because I told them it hurt like hell.) Well, were they surprised when they found me nearly fully dilated (8 cm)! They ordered me to wait a few more minutes and then get into the delivery room. There, they told me it would still take a looong time. The nurses wanted to give me an opportunity to get into the bathroom, but since it was occupied for about half an hour, I had to wait. Again. And I couldn't get the spinal anesthesia I asked for. And when the bathroom was finally free, they didn't let me go there any more for fear that I'd have my baby there. By then, I was drugged with some stupid opioids that made me very sleepy. Sleepy enough to literally fall asleep during contractions. Unfortunately, I felt the pain of the contractions just the same as before.
Anyway, my daughter was born after about 4 hours and 30 minutes. Really, a long, long time.
And I managed without cursing, without screaming and without breaking anyone's hand. I didn't even threaten my boyfriend should he ever lay hands on me again. Nothing like that. But when that nice, young doctor decided to stitch me back together (I had several ruptures *to the front* plus an episiotomy) without any anestesia at all, I finally screamed. I mean, imagine someone putting a needle through your most tender parts. Repeatedly. I really could do with a local anesthesia at least. Don't you think?
