Originally posted by LaraMoon:
Q. How many lawyer jokes are there?
A. Only three. The balance are documented case histories.
OK well that is so true....
>> These are from a book called
>> Disorder in the Courts of America,
>> and are things people actually said in court,
>> word for word, taken down
>> and now published by court reporters who had the
>> torment of staying calm
>> while these exchanges were actually taking
>> place.
>>
NOTE THIS WAS SENT TO ME AS AN E_MAIL SO IF THE ABOVE BOOK DOES NOT EXIST >>>>>PLEASE DO NOT BLAME ME
>> [QUOTE][QB]
> ___________________________________________________________
>>
>> ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
>> WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
>> ___________________________________________________
>> ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
>> WITNESS: July 18th.
>> ATTORNEY: What year?
>> WITNESS: Every year.
>> ________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of
>> the impact?
>> WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
>> ________________________________________________
>>
>>
>> ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect
>> your memory at all?
>> WITNESS: Yes.
>> ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
>> WITNESS: I forget.
>> ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
>> __________________________________________________
>> ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living
>> with you?
>> WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't
>> remember which.
>> ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
>> WITNESS: Forty-five years.
>> __________________________________________________
>> ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband
>> said to you that morning?
>> WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
>> ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
>> WITNESS: My name is Susan.
> _________________________________________________________
>> ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever
>> been involved in voodoo?
>> WITNESS: We both do.
>> ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
>> WITNESS: We do.
>> ATTORNEY: You do?
>> WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
>> _____________________________
>> ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a
>> person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
>> WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
> _______________________________________________________
>> ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old,
>> how old is he?
>> WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one...
>> _______________________________________
>>
>> ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was
>> taken?
>> WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
>>______________________________________________________
>> ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the
>> baby) was August 8th?
>> WITNESS: Yes.
>> ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
>> WITNESS: Uh....
> _______________________________________________________
>> ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
>> WITNESS: Yes.
>> ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
>> WITNESS: None.
>> ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
>> _______________________________________
>> ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
>> WITNESS: By death.
>> ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
> ________________________________________________________
>> ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
>> WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
>> ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
> ________________________________________________________
>> ATTORNEY : Is your appearance here this morning
>> pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
>>
> ________________________________________________________
>> ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies
>> have you performed on dead people?
>> WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
> ________________________________________________________
>> ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK?
>> What school did you go to?
>>
>> WITNESS: Oral.
> ________________________________________________________
>> ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you
>> examined the body?
>> WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
>> ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
>> WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
> ________________________________________________________
>> ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
>> WITNESS: Huh?
> ________________________________________________________
>> ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
>> WITNESS: No.
>> ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure ?
>> WIT NESS: No.
>> ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
>> WITNESS: No.
>> ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
>> WITNESS: No.
>> ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
>> WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my
>> desk in a jar.
>> ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still
>> been alive, nevertheless?
>> WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have
>> been alive and practicing law.
>>
[QB]
HOPE you enjoyed them... I cried with laughter after just writing the post, even though I've seen them before...It was originally sent to me nearly a year ago...
