I’m about to broach a pretty touchy subject here. It’s actually pretty amazing how upset people get with me when I broach this subject. I either have people who look at me as if I am thinking about drowning kittens, look at me as if I have just drowned THEIR kitten, or they agree with me. So in broaching this remember this is merely my opinion and I’m in no way trying to force it upon you. Also I apologize for the tldr; you are about to experience. If you get bored just answer the question posed in the topic of the thread.
Growing up I had a very special view of what marriage and love were going to be like. I believed in soul mates and I especially believed that there was one special person out there for me. You know those stories about people who had been married for years and who both die with in hours of each other because it was if their heart just couldn’t go on? Yeah... that’s the kind of love I’m talking about.
Years passed by and I became more and more frustrated as I never felt that I had met this person. I met many people who were interesting but no one I felt an all consuming passion and love for.
Flash forward to my current relationship. About 6 months ago I was miserable. Why? Because after that first burst of strong feelings I had for my boyfriend it fizzled. Suddenly I found myself thinking, “Am I really in love with him?” I mean I did love him but just not in the way I felt I should. I began to have doubts about the relationship and I really felt I was making a mistake. It had little to do with how we interacted at tha point. Everything was perfect and healthy and I had no real reason to complain. Still I felt it was all falling apart.
Then around January it finally hit me. There isn’t such thing as romantic love. At least not the one you read in books, see in movies, or see sensationalized in news stories. I think that people like to believe in this but for the most part doesn’t happen.
Now before you get upset with me and say, “But Jojo that is silly!” and give me X and Y reasons why I’m wrong let me explain to you my definition of love. (Then you can fuss at me all you want.
)
Love to me is caring very deeply for someone and knowing that you will always want them to be a part of your life. The people you love also means that you will sacrifice bits of yourself in one way or another to help them and make them happy. It’s a bit deeper than this of course and I could spend several pages going on and on about it but the reason I say this is that I began to realize that sort of love wasn’t inclusive to romantic relationships. This was the same way I felt about friends and family as well.
Suddenly it hit me. This idea that somehow his love was supposed to be greater or more special and different than everyone else was just stupid. Suddenly I felt ridiculous for even contemplating it in any other way. I'm even a bit ashamed of believing in the whole concept now.
That feeling everyone feels when they first meet someone? It isn’t love at first sight. It’s infatuation at first site. Why are relationships so much fun at first? Because here before you stands someone who
could be all that you ever wanted. It’s new and you don’t know a thing about this person. Infatuation sets in as you hope and wish that they will be all those things you want. Sometimes it is merely attraction. Of course some people who swear, “I’m in love!” when they meet a person soon find that it wasn’t really romantic love at all but that hope that they were the one. Then of course after a time people get to know each other and they realize that “love” is gone.
All these years I’ve been buying into this theory and once I stopped, things suddenly got MUCH better in my relationship. I was actually happy. (Although friends still try to convince me I’m just settling because they still believe in that romantic love.)
Maybe I’m just naïve and this is something everyone has always known about romantic love. So what are your thoughts on it? I’m curious. Do you believe in it?
(I’ll stop rambling here even though I have so many more thoughts. =P)
