Originally posted by Tzigone:
I'm actually, personally, of the thought that Clark should ALWAYS propose before telling her.
. It's dishonest and disrespectful. And it her puts in a horrible position if she says "yes" because then she has agreed to something without knowing what she was really agreeing to. It's basically trapping her, except that she can (thankfully) break off the engagement with the man who tried to lure her into marriage under false pretenses.
This is not the kind of secret to tell anyone who is not fully invested in Clark for the rest of their life. An extremely good friendship (eg Jimmy) or even romantic entaglement, no matter how wonderful, loving, trustworthy ... can end - often badly - and 'tit for tat' hurting is par for the course - not good for Clark and his secret.
Which makes it a really good idea not to trick someone into making a promise under false pretenses - it's apt to make things end a
lot worse than if he'd been honest when things got serious in the relationship and they first started talking about forever. Romantic relationships do end badly sometimes - so do engagements and marriages. By this logic, he should NEVER tell her, even after they are married.[/b]
I said my own opinion was controvertial. I know that very few people will agree with me. I can also completely understand all your arguments. They are logical and perfectly reasonable. I just follow a different logic - which to you seems less honourable I guess, but I believe it to be circumspect and prudent in regards to his secret. You believe that Lois deserves to know, and there is a 'respect' owed to her. Yes she does deserve repect. But Clark deserves to keep his
extremely dangerous secret from whomever he chooses.
I regards to "proposing under false pretenses - while she thinks he is something he isn't and doesn't have all the facts and is
unable to make an informed decision" I can completely understand this argument, as I said above, but I think it is not as bad as you make out. Proposing as Clark and hiding Superman is like not telling someone you are a devout Catholic until after the proposal. Clark's personality - the man she loves - is no different whether she knows or not. He's still the same man.
You also mention that she's agreeing to something she has no idea about - and could always call off the engagement. All true again, but I am also of the impression that Clark wouldn't get to the stage of asking Lois to marry him until he knew that she WOULD deal with the revelation if she was ready to say 'Yes'. Of course he's going to be terribly worried how long it will take for her to come to terms with it, how angry she'll be for a while.
Romantic relationships do end badly sometimes - so do engagements and marriages. By this logic, he should NEVER tell her, even after they are married.
I knew someone would mention divorce... of course it's a real possibility. But, again, Clark on some level, is confident of their 'happily ever after' by the time he's proposing. And, although divorce is a technical possibilty and happens more these days than ever before, it's actually a lifetime commitment that can't be broken from a biblical point of view. Also, going down the 'what if' route. Say they
do get divorced. She's now tied to him irrevocably anyway and would put herself in danger if she ever revealed the secret, even once they were split up.
Anyway, that's just my opinion. And again, I recognise it as controvertial. Maybe I'm just empathising more with Clark than with Lois so that's why my logic leads me here. (Not that I'm claiming I had a secret which I kept from my husband till after he proposed ... I'm not.)
And as I final point ... my favourite type of fanfic to read is revelation fic. I love it, at
any point in their relationship. I just love the warm, fuzzy feeling it gives me to read these type of stories. So maybe I only believe the above for 'canon' stories. *shrugs* Or maybe these are the AU I mentioned originally where Lois finds out by some other means ... and then Clark not telling her until after he proposes is a moot point.
