I’ve been reading these past several chapters, but haven’t provided any feedback, largely because I think I’m still getting used to reading a fic in chapter format, rather than in full format. It’s hard, reading chapter by chapter, wanting a story to go one way, and then when it doesn’t (because it’s live after all), thinking that things are out-of-character or not really where you would have taken the characters if this were a “Choose your Own Adventure” type deal.
I love this story, Carol, don’t get me wrong. I wouldn’t be still reading it 115 chapters later if I didn’t love your writing and the way you have fleshed out these particular characters.
I think this story has one flaw though, and if this comes out wrong, I apologize. I think this story would have better as an original fic rather than an L&C adaptation. As Sheila mentioned, I don’t see the show’s L & C in these characters you’ve developed.
The Lois we know is tenacious, career driven and a little rough around the edges. Yes, she’s lonely, and lacks a bit of confidence in the relationship areas. But, overall, she’s longing for love, but met up with the wrong guys.
In this story, I’m sorry to say, Clark is one of these “wrong” guys from her past. Lois accepts him for who he is, bore his children and wants a committed relationship. Instead, this Clark is not committed to his marriage and is having a mental affair with his ex-girlfriend. Yes, he doesn’t think about Lana all the time. This is an improvement. But, is it really? So, your husband doesn’t think about his ex-girlfriend all the time, but just sometimes. Lois shouldn’t settle for this, and as I’ve mentioned before, she’s better off without him.
Your Clark is totally different than the show Clark as well. Clark, as we know him, would do anything to make Lois happy. Her happiness always comes before his. I see these qualities in your Clark, but he’s been at a stand still for so long, that any move towards love at this point, would seem totally foreign to me. If he needs a preamble to tell Christopher that Dad loves his Mom, this situation is not very good for all those involved. Clark is supposed to be Lois' knight in shining armour? But here, Clark is the problem, and someone needs to rescue her. If it's not Clark, then who will?
The reason that I say that this should be an original fic, is then we wouldn’t have the notion that these two people are soul mates and MUST be together. We would take your characters as given and not compare them to the characters on the show. You’ve carved out whole, complex characters that shouldn’t be compared to other versions, but because this is fan fic based, we do and I think this is part of the problem.
We know “the ending” to this fic (or what we want the ending to be, and I’m not saying that you’ll give it to us). It’s the journey to that ending that I’m not really seeing as realistic at the moment. How will the Lane and Kent partnership form, when it’s Kent and Kent right now. How will Lois Lane be a career-driven, tenacious and a workaholic career woman when she has two kids at home? How will these two characters fall in love at first sight, when they’ve already lived with each other for three years, produced two babies together, and it’s still unrequited love for Clark?
Carol, I’m sure that you’ve thought about these questions already, and once again, I don’t mean to provide negative criticism. In fact, I think all of us readers should thank you for this new take on these characters and for producing such a intricate story. It’s my thought though, that by choosing to do this in a fan fic format, rather than an original fic format, you’ve constrained yourself and these characters. I’m concerned that these constraints may be too much for a realistic turnaround for your Kent family.
