Oh, this was so sad!!!
I don't mean I was unbearably sad that Aunt Louise died - yes, I was sad, but I wasn't devastated. Aunt Louise was clearly an old woman, and sooner or later she was going to die anyway. Of course, her death didn't make the whole situation for Lois and Clark more cheerful.
But my heart breaks for Lois! Poor, poor girl. Just imagine the childhood she and Lucy had:
Once this game of Candy Land was over, she'd have to make sure that Lucy went to bed. Would she go to sleep too? Would she let Lucy sleep in her bed with her? It made Mom mad when she came home to find them together. 'Why did we make Lucy's room into a princess ballroom if all she's going to do is stay in here? We might as well rent her room out to one of your father's girlfriends.'
Ellen gets mad when four-year-old Lucy sleeps in six-year-old Lois's bed when the two girls are alone at night anyway? And she threatens to rent the room out to one of Sam's girlfriends?
Lois had made peanut butter sandwiches and given them both water to drink because she didn't dare run the risk of spilling the gallon of milk again. She'd cleaned it up the best she could the day she tried to pour from a full jug but she'd used the towels Grandma Lincoln had given her mom for her wedding and, apparently, they weren't to be touched. Ever.
Six-year-old Lois has been left alone to fix food for herself and her little sister, and then she doesn't dare give them any milk because her mother keeps the milk in a full jug which is too big for Lois to pour from! And then she is furious when Lois spills the milk, or when she uses the nearest towels to clean up!!!!
An hour later, Lucy was asleep and Lois curled under her blankets on her own bed. Would they come back this time? They'd always been there in the mornings after a day like this, but would this time be different? They'd never stayed gone this long before.
...
Tears finally flowed down Lois' cheeks. What would she do if they weren't there in the morning?
Oh, so heartbreaking!
She squeezed her eyes tightly shut and reviewed the house in her mind. The dishes had been stacked neatly in the sink – only 2 glasses and a knife as they'd eaten their sandwiches just over the table and Lois had meticulously cleaned up the crumbs – the peanut butter was put away, the television was off. The lights were off and Candy Land was back in her closet. Her latest 'book' was hidden safely in the box under her bed. She sighed quietly. No, there shouldn't be anything for her mother to find out of place.
And then Ellen is ready to have a fit if anything is a little out of place in the house after her two little girls have been alone there all day!!!!
Lois sat nearly straight up in bed when she awoke. She was safe. She wasn't alone. She could hear a creak of bedsprings as Lucy rolled over on her bed upstairs. A soft snore reassured her that Clark was at her side. Well, on his side. Way over there on the other side of the big bed they'd shared for a year and a half.
She is safe, she isn't alone... but she is, because Clark is not at her side, but on his side, way over there on the other side.
She'd already been awake when Clark had gently shaken her by the arm and told her it was time to get up. She was surprised he hadn't realized it – or maybe he had but wanted to make sure she was aware of the time – or maybe he just didn't care to listen to her heartbeat anymore. Maybe it had turned into such an annoying hum that he tuned it out automatically these days. Or maybe that blond floozy had run all thoughts of Lois' heartbeat out of his head.
<sniffle>
She often awoke to find the sheets twisted around her and her pillow gone. Or had he noticed and just didn't care? She still awoke in his arms or curled up next to him once a week or so and still didn't have the dreams the nights – or was it mornings – that she did. She still refused to think about those implications, but the part of her that hated the dreams and the memories that went along with them wished those mornings weren't so few and far between. The first six months of their marriage, she'd woken up like that much more often and the dreams had been much less frequent.
<sniffle>
The look on Clark's face when she'd catch him watching her those mornings had been – and was still – priceless. Almost enough to make her believe that he really loved her like she dreamed of, like he said he did. Almost.
Oh, Lois, you have to believe in him and talk to him!
Once a month or so, and sometimes more often than that, she found herself dreaming about what it would be like to make love with Clark. Those dreams were, on some levels, even more agitating than the ones about her childhood. In those dreams, she could feel his lips on hers, the muscles of his chest and stomach under her hands and her body responding to his touch. His special powers always made things more interesting in those dreams. She always woke to an almost unbearable ache in the middle of her heart. It was odd that it should ache, because there was also huge hole in the exact same spot. Those dreams, which hadn't really started until their non-fight the summer before, most often occurred the mornings she woke up in his arms, but she refused to think about that either.
And she does want to make love to him. And she misses him so much that way, too.
I just loved that Lois gave Lucy the stories she had made up for her sister when they were both children! Fairy tales about Princess Lucy and Princess Lois!
But Lois has never told Clark about her very unhappy childhood. That's so sad.
And Lois dreams about her unhappy childhood as much as ever, but Lucy dreams of her childhood much less frequently than she used to, because she feels safe and loved with Jimmy, Lois and Clark. This was heartbreaking:
"I think it's because I know Jimmy loves me and isn't going anywhere. And that Clark loves both of us and *he* certainly isn't going leave you, and therefore, me.
Oh, you're making me cry!
Lucy believes completely in Clark's love for Lois, but Lois doesn't believe in it at all!
And Clark has talked to Lucy and Jimmy about not having sex too early. But he hasn't mentioned to Lois that he has talked with her sister about this.
And then Aunt Louise died, and Lois remembered her aunt's good advice - not that she had always taken it:
Aunt Louise had always listened and given good advice. Lois hadn't always taken it – especially the advice to actually *talk* to Clark about everything and tell him what growing up had been like – but the advice had always been good.
Then Aunt Louise died, and Clark was the one who had to tell Lois:
Professor Paul stuck his head in the door. "This is a newsroom. I don't care if you two *are* married..."
Clark glared at him. "We've had a death in the family, Paul," he said quietly.
"Oh." For just a moment, he seemed almost contrite. "Well, I still don't need PDA in my newsroom. Get out of here."
No one but me complained about Paul in the last chapter! Well, I'm still complaining about him!
He grabbed the receiver. "Hello?"
"Clark? It's Mayson," came the voice on the other end of the line.
"What can I do for you, Mayson?"
He heard something muttered on the other end of the line that he took great care not to listen to too closely. "You weren't in class and we were supposed to have lunch but you weren't there either. I thought I'd make sure everything was okay."
And like everyone else, I'm sure complaining about Mayson, too! Even though I'm not asking for her death. I don't ask for the death of females on principle. They are saddled with the designation of witches and killed too easily anyway.
I'm glad that Clark asked Mayson what he could do for her, rather than sounding happy that she called. But I'm worried about the implication that Clark may have been having lunch alone with Mayson for months in a row.
"How are you doing, Lois? Really."
She moved just enough to shrug her shoulders. "I miss her already. A little over two years ago, if you'd told me I'd miss Aunt Louise more than my own parents, I never would have believed you. I never would have thought I'd miss any of them, but I do miss her. I didn't sleep hardly at all last night."
"I noticed."
Lois took note of that in her head.
At least Lois knows that Clark noticed that she couldn't sleep.
"How do you want to fly?"
She shrugged. "Whatever works best for you."
"It's up to you. It's been a while since we've done this. Do you want me to hold you or do you want to stand on my feet and watch the ground or what?"
She shrugged again. "I don't really care."
Clark sighed and simply wrapped his arms around her a little tighter. "Here we go then."
Oh, how sad! Lois feels as if Clark has already left her because of what she thinks of as his affair with Mayson, and she doesn't even care how he holds her when they fly!
Heartbreaking, Carol! When will things get better for Lois and Clark?
Ann
EDIT: I think Clark should be careful around Mayson and not keep lunching with her so often. When she said that she hoped that the two of them could see a movie together without his "sister", she basically told him she was looking for romance. It's not a good idea to say to her, "I'm sorry, I'm married, but we can spend as much time together as before".
