Yes, I've spent the whole day at home... obsessive? Me? Nah
I promise to respond to comments properly once I've done my work, but... well... constructive (?) criticism always catches my attention.
Originally posted by digitalsky:
Why is alot of the story in incomplete sentences and sentence fragments??
The grammar part of my spell-checker on my word processing program doesn't work.
I do not understand. You can write the emotional stuffs okay, and keep the suspence mumbo jumbo going, have good words used, but you wrote the whole story in that format?? 
You sound more intelligent than this!! Thank you.
I am rather intelligent if I do say so myself :p
I think I know what you were trying to do, but how you wrote it, does not work. I know some people here said it does, but it looks bad, tbh. It is all broken.You could have paragraphed correctly and still got the same affect.
Yes, I could have paragraphed correctly, assuming I had my grammar check fixed, but I don't think it would have had the same impact.
I do understand that not everybody is appreciative of this style, and I knew that I'd probably lose quite a few readers during the course of this story. There are times when I don't appreciate its use. And I stand by my original disclaimer - I'm still experimenting. The story I'm currently writing is in a different style because I think this style wont work for that premise.
For this premise I think the clipped sentences work, but you're definately entitled to your opinion, as are the people who've thought it does work. You may be right, they may be right. I think, in the end, it's a matter of personal preference.
Either way I thank you for taking the time to read the story and your comments.
The sotry was good, the suspence was good, word use was good, but the structure, not so good. Did you have this story proof read? Maybe if you had a proof reader, they could help you out on that?? 
I did have the story proof read. Unfortunately the grammar function on my BR's spell-check doesn't seem to work either.
So, again - thank you for commenting.
David (Who has to admit that at this point in the story he expected to be pulled up for shooting Clark or the puddle of blood rather then his grammar
)
