Student:
MY VACATION
Mom woke me up at six thirty. Me and my sister were really sleepy. I was so sleepy that I fell asleep all over again. Mom had to wake me up again. Then when I wanted to go to the bathroom, my sister was there and she wouldn't get out. I had to yell and scream at her. Then after twenty minutes she finally got out. I needed to go to the bathroom so badly, I had to sit down and cross my legs while I waited. Mom yelled at me that I should finish packing. Or that I should come down and have breakfast. But I couldn't do anything before I could go to the bathroom. Then my sister got out and I could get in there. I did the stuff I had to do and then I had a shower and then I dried myself and then I fixed my hair and my makeup and then I went out and started packing. I hadn't packed a lot, but I guess you don't need much when you are going to Hawaii. You aren't going to wear much, I mean. So I packed four more swimsuits and two more towels. And two more pairs of flipflops. And two more pairs of sunglasses. Then Mom said I had to come down and have breakfast, so I did. Well, first I got dressed. I put on a T-shirt and a pair of jeans. Then I went to the kitchen for breakfast. I had some toast with peanut butter and jelly and a glass of juice. Dad told us we'd better hurry up, or we'd miss the plane. So we started loading our suitcases into the trunk of our Ford. Then we got into the car. Well, Dad had to check all the doors to see if they were locked and if the burglar alarms were on. He almost set one off, too. Then we all got into the car, Mom, Dad, me and my sister. And our dog. We had to drive to my aunt and leave the dog with her before we could go to Hawaii. So we did. My aunt doesn't live too far away. We stopped at her house and Mom took our dog and got out of the car. My aunt had been waiting for us, so she came out to greet Mom. But she was a bit angry when she found out that we hadn't walked the dog before we brought him over. So my aunt had to do that right away. Then Mom came back to the car and we started driving to the airport. It was a rather long drive. I got sleepy. I thought I'd be able to sleep, but then my sister started playing some awful music, so we had a fight and I couldn't sleep. Then Dad told us that if we couldn't behave we'd have to stay home...
Teacher: Interesting... how about if you try to tell us less about your preparations and more about your actual vacation in Hawaii?
Student: No, first I have to write about how we got to the airport, and where we parked the car, and how we checked in, and how walked around and waited for our flight, and how we bought some clothes in a store at the airport, and how there was a cute guy at the airport who was going to Brazil, and how I wanted to talk to him but then his gate was called and he left, and how we had some snacks, and how they told us to go to our gate, and how we were waiting to get on board, and how we could not sit together, and how my sister got a better seat than me, and how the lady sitting next to me was really fat and smelly, and how the take-off was a bit scary, and... I'm not sure I'm going to have time to write anything about Hawaii.
(Sorry, DJ. I have had too many essays like this one handed in to me by students. Of course, this boring rambling has nothing whatsoever in common with Sue's story, except that, maybe, neither of these stories may be getting to Hawaii.)
And I know I'm being stupid here. Sorry. And a great writer can write a masterpiece about the preparations you have to make before going to Hawaii, and Sue is a great writer. So, Sue, if you actually bring us to Hawaii, and not just drive us to the airport (and what a memorable ride that is going to be!!!) then the time you are giving us in Hawaii will be a wonderful bonus.
Ann
