Clark frowned at him – and whose fault was that? If Dan had kept his big mouth shut, his stomach would have been full and Clark would have been on more solid ground with Lois.
Whose fault was that? Hmmm, let's see, he's got black hair and brown eyes, he was born on Krypton, he was raised in Smallville, Kansas, he lives in Metropolis and works for the Daily Planet... does that ring a bell, Clark?
He had attempted to begin his apology to her in the parking garage but she had insisted that they wait to discuss things until they got to her apartment. She said the parking garage wasn’t the place to have that kind of delicate discussion and she didn’t want to talk about it while she drove, either. She wanted him to have her full attention.
I'm glad she's making him feel that this is serious.
Lois set her purse and journal down on the floor and then she cleared her throat. “I’m not sure exactly what’s going on, but I have to know why you pretended we were still together... because, according to Dan, we’re not. Or was that a lie?” Who had been lying? Clark or Dan? Lois was afraid to hear Clark’s answer. She wrung her hands nervously.
Poor Lois.
Clark ran a hand through his hair. “You must have told Dan that we weren’t together last night when you had dinner with him.” He sighed softly. “It wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t entirely the truth, either.”
He's still giving her ambiguous answers.
Lois could feel a lump beginning in her throat. “If it wasn’t a lie, then it’s the truth. It can’t be both.”
Clark moved closed to her. “You don’t understand. It’s complicated. There’s a lot more...”
Lois stepped away from him and sat down on her loveseat. “So what more is there? What explanation do you have for me?” And you had better make it good, Clark, she begged silently.
Lois has had as much as she can take. It's time for some straight answers now, Clark.
“Lois, we weren’t together because of a mistake I made,” he said as he came over to sit down beside her. “Because of a stupid decision that I made without talking with you first. I would give anything to take it back, make it right, and last night you decided to give me that chance.”
Ahhh!!!!
Finally!!!! Clark, why couldn't you have told her this several chapters ago?
“I should have just come clean with you first thing this morning.
You bet you should have, buster.
“I wasn’t sure what you wanted me to do.
Oh? So you thought that she
didn't want to know the truth about her relationship with you? You thought that she'd rather be deceived than know the truth? Clark, you've got to stop your habitual lying where Lois is concerned.
She was still watching him, silently judging him. “Please, say something,” he begged her quietly.
“I’m still willing to give you a second chance, Clark. So here it is. Tell me everything.”
I'm glad she is asking Mr. Truth and Justice for the truth, the full truth, and nothing but the truth.
His mind kept repeating one word, over and over – please. It repeated like some strange chorus in the back of his mind. It became so loud, so insistent, that he finally spoke it. “Please.”
This is the first time I like him and feel for him in this chapter. (Okay, I approved of him when he told her he had broken up with her and that it had been a stupid mistake on his part.)
“Please, Lois.” He knelt down in front of her and took her hands in his. “Please forgive me. I can’t lose you. I can’t live without you.” He dropped his head, almost laying it in her lap. “I’m sorry,” he murmured.
Hmmmm. I like seeing him grovelling. Bad Ann, I suppose. Ah, he'll never come and live in my closet. Well, that's okay. He can stay in Sue's closet and do what she asks him to, and then he can live with Lois and be sweet and honest with her.
“I forgive you, Clark.” Lois rubbed a hand gently over his cheek, trying to reassure him. She didn’t think she had ever seen him this frightened before, not even in the face of Kryptonite.
She was upset – she couldn’t lie to herself about that. It would be very easy to be angry with him, be stubborn and refuse to forgive him – she’d obviously done that very thing the first couple of times he had told her.
But there was one very big difference.
He hadn’t admitted he was wrong and asked her to forgive him before. And, after everything she had learned about herself and about Clark today, she *wanted* to forgive him.
Even though I'm still simmering and seething with a sort of residual fury, I approve of this. It's true that Clark has admitted his wrongdoing this time, and he never did that before. That makes a big difference. And he really is sorry, and he is very scared of losing her. And, importantly, Lois still loves him. We all know that there are so many things about him you must love. Yes, Lois loves him and wants him, so she must forgive him.
“You have to promise me, though, that from now on we make our decisions together, Clark. That’s what couples do. They discuss things and decide the best course – together.”
He nodded his head at her as the relief poured through his face. She stroked his cheek lightly again with her hand and cupped his face tenderly before continuing, “And you have to promise that you will never do something like that to me again. I don’t think my heart could take it.”
He shook his head as he got up to sit next to her. “Never. I’m never going to push you away again and I’m never going to let you go. I can’t.”
I'm glad she made him give her a couple of promises, but I wish she had made him promise that he wouldn't lie to her again, or just keep things from her "for her own good", or because he wasn't sure that she actually wanted to know about them.
He smiled softly at her before pulling her to him to kiss her. “I need you.” He kissed her again, more deeply this time.
When Lois pulled away to catch her breath she whispered, “I know. But you have to be able to let me go, too.”
Clark leaned away to look into her eyes. “What do you mean?”
Lois dropped her eyes, unable to meet his gaze. “I think you know what I mean.” She squeezed the hand that was still holding hers. “I love you too much to let you waste your life, Clark. If it turns out that my condition isn’t reversible – if I’m not going to make new memories...”
Aaaahh! Noooo!!!!
Clark cut her off with another kiss, and then he murmured against her lips, “No. Don’t say it.” He moved his lips down to her neck and kissed her softly, moving up to her ear. “You know I can’t do that. I can’t.”
“Clark, I don’t want...”
“No,” he said a little louder before he kissed her again. He drew from her lips long and forcefully, stealing her breath so she couldn’t say it. “No,” he murmured again as his lips trailed a path of kisses down her neck.
Ahhh!!! Finally I'm able to
love Clark again. With or without her memories, Clark wants Lois!
When they decided to become intimate, he wanted it to be something special. The perfect moment. One that neither of them would...
...forget.
Okay, even I think that's a reason to wait, perhaps.
“Honey, wait. Please. You have no idea how much...”
“What?” she whispered hoarsely. She leaned back, her hands dropping from his shirt. “What did you just say?” Lois knew what he had just said – what he had just called her. The word had burned through her, leaving a warm liquid path in its wake. She wanted to hear him say it again.
“Wait,” he panted. “We should wait.”
“No, besides the ‘wait’, what else did you say?”
“I...” He was suffering from a serious loss of blood to his brain and she was going to grill him on his exact words? “Honey?”
“Again,” she beseeched him, settling herself in his lap. She ran her hands around his neck and pulled him to her. “Again, please.”
“Honey,” he said in a breathless groan.
Aaaah, so sweet.
“Yes, Clark...”
Clark tipped his head back and closed his eyes, trying to regain his focus. “What would you say if I asked if I could just hold you tonight?”
She laughed softly against his chest. “All night?” She squeezed against him with her thighs. “Is that what you really want?”
“Oh... I... For tonight, just for tonight.” He could almost die happy if she would just let him hold her in his arms tonight.
Lois leaned away from him and looked into his eyes. “You’re serious,” she said, her voice betraying her surprise.
“Yes, I am. Lois, if everything holds true, you’re going to wake up in the morning with no knowledge of what happened tonight – except for what you write in your journal. Every thought you’ve had today, every feeling you’ve felt... will be gone.” He reached up with one hand and brushed a couple of stray hairs from her eyes. “I want to hold you in my arms and have you tell me everything about your day today. Everything you thought about, dreamt about... every feeling you experienced. I want to hold on to those memories for you and keep them safe until you remember them again.”
Even I, the old cynic, find this very sweet. On the other hand, DJ, if Lois and Clark can't make love because Lois won't remember, then you'd better hurry up and give her back her memory, eh?
“I’m being serious,” she said, giving him a squeeze.
“I know,” Clark said softly, smiling at her. He easily lifted her up from his lap and set her down on the loveseat. Only one thing could make this night more extraordinary, more memorable than it already was. It was time. There were no more excuses – no more reasons to wait. Reaching inside his coat, he dropped down to one knee beneath her and brought out the ring box. “So am I.”
Lois’s breath caught as she watched him reach into the box and take out the ring – her ring. “Marry me, Lois. I want to spend my life with the woman who completes me, who has made me the man I am today. We’ve made so many wonderful memories together – enough to last a lifetime. Marry me.” Clark held his breath as he watched delicate tears spill from her eyes.
“Yes. Oh, yes, Clark.”
Oh, that's very, very sweet.
Clark closed his eyes and stroked her hair softly, memorizing everything about this moment. “I know you’re tired, but you still need to write in your journal.” He couldn’t let her fall asleep before she wrote her memories down. For one thing, she had asked him not to let that happen, and for another thing, he didn’t want her to forget. “Come on, I’ll carry you.”
I agree, she needs to write everything down.
I wasn't sure about why Clark was being called away - or rather, I'm not sure that I know why DJ and Sue decided that it was time to make Clark leave Lois for the night. Are you planning some nasty surprises for us, girls? Somehow I don't think Clark is coming back this night. So Lois will wake up in the morning with Clark's t-shirt and sleep shorts next to her. What will she make of that? And will she have finished writing things down in her journal before she was overwhelmed by sleep, so that she literally sank into oblivion?
Looking forward to the next chapter, DJ and Sue!
Ann
