Jen, feel free to pass it on. It's a normal middle school; Michael's been mainstreamed since first grade. There's supposed to be support for him, or any other kid with an IEP, but it's mostly a school for "normal" kids.
ML, I am trying to hold my temper. Lashing out would be so, so satisfying... but I know it would just make everything worse. So I just rant to friends, and behave myself with the school.
Ann, you're right, what he did was unacceptable. Nobody deserves having papers shoved in their face, and if Michael were a "normal" kid we'd be reacting very differently. But he's got autism, and that influences so many things. Like Sue says, once a kid with autism is upset, there's no reasoning with them. They can't handle the frustration and verbal skills go right out the window. Talking to them makes everything worse.
We're frustrated that the teacher seemed not to know anything about autism and, deliberately or not, provoked him. It was the school's responsibility, both to Michael and to his teachers, to find a way to work with him effectively. The school set that teacher up for getting paper shoved in her face, by not teaching Michael ways to deal with things, and by not teaching her the best way to handle him. When they act as if they were innocent bystanders and it was all his fault, I see red.
Of course, when I'm infuriated, I can deal with it -- I have experience, I know clearly that losing my temper makes everything worse, I know how to vent to other people to release the tension. Even then, it's not easy, and I'm a lot better at it now than I was 10 years ago. But Michael hasn't got those advantages.
Discipline is sorely needed (training and consequences), but the usual sorts of discipline just don't work. It's almost like punishing a blind kid for not copying off the blackboard. Autism is a lot less obvious, but no less disabling.
By the way, that paper she refused to accept? She has since graded it; he got 80%.
PJ
