Originally posted by Bethy:
First: CONGRATS!
Second: (and illustrative of the fact that you will get contrary advice all over the place...) I've actually heard tearing heals better than episiotomy - the former creates natural jags that close together better than a straight, forced cut. A way to avoid the tearing altogether, however, (according to my mother - I haven't tried it yet :p ) is to get lotion/oil (talk to your doctor about what's appropriate for that area) and apply it every day, multiple times a day, for about six weeks prior to due date (I'd say birth, but obviously, you can't predict that beyond the due date!). It prepares the skin for stretching so it won't tear *or* need an episiotomy.
True, I've heard that, too. But then, I happened to tear (heavily) towards the front, and one of the tears didn't heal completely because the surtures came undone a little bit too early. Only when the present midwife saw that I was already torn, she finally did the episiotomy, so I got to experience both tearing and the cut at the same time. And, believe it or not, the cut, although it still itches occasionally (which I can easily ignore) healed much faster and with less pain and much less itching than the tears I suffered.
Another good point of advice I am sure everybody will agree upon: Don't let it bother you when other mothers tell you what their children can/could do at what age. No matter who tells her stories, your child will always look bad in comparison. Why is that? Well, for one, proud mothers only tell you about the *good* stuff. Second, they tend to exaggerate shamelessly. Third, there are phases where a baby sleeps through (for example), and its mother will tell everybody about it. But surprise, this phase usually ends, and guess what? You won't hear about it until you meet that particular mother at night, going for a walk with her squealing baby. Fourth, some mothers even lie outrageously when it comes to their (always absolutely perfect) children.
Just go with this: Unless an expert (like your pediatrician and - maybe - your mother) tells you otherwise, your child is perfectly normal. Note that mother-in-laws as a rule do not make for good experts: Her son was the perfect baby (as were his siblings), and compared to him, yours always comes up short.
About sleeping through: If you are lucky, and your child starts sleeping through before it reaches three months. Besides, your child may sleep through most of the day. Congratulations. Being a mother can be so easy, and you are incredibly lucky.
On the other hand, there are children who don't sleep through until they are four years old and even refuse to go to sleep easily during daytime. Instead, they stare at you (and everything of interest) with wide, curious eyes and want to be occupied with something new every five minutes before they are half a year old. If your child is like this, congratulations: Your child shows early signs of high intelligence. It's hard work, but it's so rewarding.
