uhm, jimmy, you do know that when i told you that superman gets his powers from skittles because each one has an "S" on it, i was only kidding, right?
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manaical voice: mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha! my "simian sweets" work to perfection! once i flood the market with such deliciously evil flavors as "grape ape" and "organge-utan" the entire population of geeks and nerds will be turned into monkeys! the internet will cease to function, and in the ensuing chaos, i, AL 9000, the evil robot clone of al gore, shal take over the world! ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
jimmy: mmmph?
superman: sorry, AL. it won't happen. and, for the record, jimmy always looks like that when he's eating.
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announcer: 3... 2... 1... and time's up. let's see, 1296 m&m's left in the jar. i'm sorry, jimmy. you missed the world's record by 3. nice try, though. better luck next time.
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voice from a nearby hidden speaker: that's good work, jimmy, but you can stop now.
jimmy: mmmph!
voice: it's okay. trust me. nothing will explode.
jimmy: mmmmph?
voice: that's right. it's okay. there actually isn't a pressure-sensitive bomb under the candy jar. look over towards your left, behind the ficus.
jimmy: hmmm?
voice: smile, jimmy. you're on candid camera!
jimmy: mmmph?!
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... and when i snap my fingers, you will wake up and remember nothing...
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jimmy, call for you on line 3! some girl named angela said she'll give you another chance, but only if you come to the phone right now.
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... and, if you'll step over here, you'll find the results of my latest experiemnt, a candy-coated laxative. each one contains a highly concentrated dose, but it's surrounded by a tasty candy shell to make it palitable...
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yeah, he did it! superman knocked the asteriod off course! the world isn't going to end! wow, you know, you can do some really strange things when you think you've only got a few hours to live, you know what i mean, jimmy? ... jimmy?
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lois: okay, now, the last jimmy was just a few pounds bigger than you, so you're going to have to go on a high-calorie diet for the next couple days. hopefully the chief won't notice in the meantime. here, see if you can finish this jar off by lunchtime... <turning away> i still think we should really get to work on jack. you never know when we'll need the next jimmy. we seem to go through them so quickly these days...
*footnote: that last caption was, of course, inspired by a brief challenge story by our own doctor jill. you can find it
here.
