I simply cannot imagine how much more difficult that must make their lives at a time when life is already very stressful. A time when many are anxious about their role in the world and how they fit in. What it must do to some kids to be told that early on that they are worthless - even before they get out into the world. At a time when they are, perhaps, less able to deal with rejection than they would be later in life.
Um, we are talking about college students here, not 6 year olds, LOL. I mean, I take your point, no question ... but there are many "rejections" that we all have to deal with in life, and IMO, getting into a particular "club" in college is one of the minor ones in the grand scheme of things.
By the time a person reaches the age of 18-20, when one would rush a fraternity or sorority, he or she will likely have already dealt with having their heart broken by their high school crush, or not getting the job or award they really wanted, or getting cut from a sports team, or being passed over for the chess club, or *whatever*. And those things will only continue as they get out of school and into the real world. Not getting into the fraternity or sorority of their choice would be disappointing, no question. But in the grand scheme of life, I don't consider it a complete soul-crusher. There may be some young people who would be devastated over this, but if that's the type of person they are, if it wasn't this rejection, it would just be the next thing that came along (girl, job, scholarship, etc.) We need to keep some perspective here.
Also, keep in mind that while the Greek system is well known in popular culture, it's not like
everyone participates in it. At the major university I attended, I think about 15% of the undergrads were in the Greek system. That leaves the vast majority as "independents". And you could always find fraternities that were having open parties, not to mention a gazillion other things to do on campus, so it's not like your social life was over if you didn't pledge. It was just one small slice of the picture.
Further, there are fraternities and sororities of all types, from the hard partying crowds to the ones that are more nerdy and academic. The fraternity house I lived in that one summer was an Engineering fraternity -- all the guys were math/science/engineering majors and very nice young men. I was also a "Little Sister" (basically, a non-sorority girl who wanted to hang out with fraternity guys) for a year at another fraternity, and they were also on the geeky side. They'd hold mixers or activity nights (not heavy drinking parties) for their Little Sisters, and my "Big Brother" and I stayed in touch for a couple years, even after college.
Now, I say all this as someone who went through the initial info meeting at my university and decided *not* to rush. After hearing about it, I just decided it wasn't for me. But some of my friends continued on with the process, and I got to experience the larger picture through them, and they seemed to really enjoy it. Not to the exclusion of all else in their life, but as just one part of their social life, like one might join a service organization or an interest group.
Also, I did end up pledging a business fraternity later in college (not a live-in kind, but a co-ed professional organization) and I did *not* get in. They selected about half of the people who pledged and I was not one of them. I was bummed out for a few days, then life went on. As I said, we all deal with many rejections in our day to day lives, and in the grand scheme of my life -- even my life up to that point -- this was a minor blip on the radar.
Kathy
