21 Things People Ask When You're From CaliforniaQ: Do you go to the beach all the time?
A: No. The ocean is 60 miles away, parking is impossible to find, and there's this thing called winter that makes the beach somewhat less than pleasant.
Q. Aren't you afraid of sharks?
A. Only if I go in the ocean, which is 60 miles away. Also, most of the time, people are more dangerous to sharks than sharks are to people.
Q. Have you ever seen a movie star?
A. Sure. I watch movies, which tend to have lots of movie stars in them.
Q. What's it like to be in an earthquake?
A. Most of the time, I sense a distant rumble. Then the ground gives a quick jerk. Then it's over. When it lasts longer, things sometimes fall down. Then everyone gets on Facebook. Half the posters talk about how scary it was. The other half slept through it.
Q. Have you ever been in a wildfire? Was it scary?
A. Yes and yes. Wildfires can be extremely destructive. They also drop ashes and cover the sky with smoke in any direction the wind blows. Even if the wildfire is 35 miles away, your car will still get covered in ash and the smoke will still be thick enough to interfere with outdoor activities (it also makes the sunlight look strange). If you're told to evacuate because of fire, GO. Don't try to stay to defend your house. Your garden hose is no match for a wildfire.
Q. Is traffic really that bad?
A. No. It's worse.
Q. What's the difference between NorCal and SoCal?
A. A few hundred miles.
