Lex's voice and characterization were excellently done. It was nice to see Jimmy get a byline, too.
I was definitely thrown through a loop. I wasn't expecting that twist at all. The visitor's back story was a bit difficult and confusing to follow, especially with all those names tossed out. At first, I couldn't see how it related to Clark and Lois. It's so sad that Lara and Jor-El had sent Kal-El away for apparently, no good reason. I'm glad that they hadn't bolted off to Earth and spirited him away from the Kents.
When Jor-El was thinking over what happened on Krypton, I thought he was telling it to Lex, not just thinking it over. I must have missed some line of transition from dialogue to contemplative thought somewhere. It became obvious, when he returned to talking to Lex though.
I did like Lex's transportation to New Krypton (or their ship) for trial. A just punishment, indeed.
The great thing about it was even though he tried to bribe Jor-El, we all knew that Lex had nothing that Jor-El wanted except his own death. Lex shaking in his shoes at the thought of having angered a Kryptonian without the kindness of Superman. Well done!
Also, is this code:
supposed to mean something? Because it brought me out of the story the three or four times it came up. It didn't seem to indicate a scene break or anything else I could think of. Just random gibberish tossed in at intervals to interrupt the scene for no reason. I believe it came up in an earlier part as well, but at that time I had discounted it as a typo.
The definition of
was made clear by the context, and I don't think needed the ** to bring me out of the story. It made me stop and think why they were there. I was left wondering if there a missing word or something. I recommend removing the ** in the Archive version, and just putting a definition at the end for anyone who couldn't catch it in context. It isn't as if the reader can easily glance down and see a footnote while reading online as one can in paper volume. Same with the * for the characters borrowed from the novel. Include them with the disclaimer at the end, so it doesn't disrupt the reader during the story.
Yes, please post an epilogue. I would like to see Clark's expression when he learns that he was a) abandoned without good cause, and b) that he has a brother, and half-brothers and sisters. I'm sure he'll forgive Jor-El, being that his life turned out quite well.
