Thanks to everyone to took the time to comment. I very much appreciate any and all constructive criticism. It helps me to pinpoint weak spots and places that need further expansion or revision, and makes for a better story.
I hope people will re-read it when it hits the Archive. I have made several changes, that I think will be noticeable to people who read it the first day (not so much for those who read it the next day) and I think it improved the story from its original form.
Nan
