Well, I've read it again, and this time it seemed to flow better, but I can't quite nail down where the changes are, which is the sign of a truly talented writer!
I was surprised by the lack of emotion as well, but we have to realize that several decades has passed since Martha and Jonathan passed away, and at least a couple has passed since Lois died, thus, IMO, lessening the impact.
And yes,
I think I would like to see a vignette of Lois packing up CJ's birthday present as an older woman, knowing that even when she would pass on, she would rise again as Lori.
, would be a perfect addition to this story.
James
