Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
(No, I know the answer. Sun and water combined produce a small amount of peroxide which bleaches hair. The skin produces melanin when it gets too much sun - thus the darkening.)
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed? (Hey, I can. Never occurred to me to open my mouth while doing so.)
Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'? (They don't wanna share? They don't participate in lotteries out of ethical reasons?
)
Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word? (Because it's derived from a Latin word that already has two components and got another one in English?)
Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'? (You don't ant to know...)
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons? (Because there is a reason you shouldn't drink too much real lemon juice... to sour.)
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? (Because, after he got all your money invested, you're likely to be broke?)
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour? (Because everybody *tries* to rush home but it takes an hour longer than it should?)
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food? (Because no human has ever tasted a mouse, so how could humans produce mouse-flavored cat food? Maybe *you* want to volunteer?)
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes? (Maybe he took the eggs?)
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections? (Out of (medical) habit?)
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?! (Too expensive?)
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains? (Why don't you? Besides, wool doesn't shrink when it rains, either.)
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together? (Because the walls keep several apartments apart?)
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress? (You got it! Ah, no, not really. It's contra, not con.)
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal? (Uh...)
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are almost dead? (Why do we speak louder to someone who doesn't understand our language all that well? Duh!)
Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they already know there is not enough money? (LOL!)
Why does someone Believe you when you say there are four billion stars; but have to check when you say the paint is still wet? (Checking the paint is easier than counting four billion stars.)
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? (Maybe he's Asian?)
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him? (The revolver could discharge at impact?)
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? (Because they didn't intend to end up as kamikaze?)
If people evolved from apes, why are there still
apes? (Because only one branch of the apes evolved into humans.)
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white? (Because there's hardly any liquid in bubbles - and air usually doesn't have a color.)
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale? (Not likely in the near future.)
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance? (Duh! Because it just got stuck before? Because the vacuum cleaner is nearer than the next bin?)
Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try? (Because you don't know how to do it right. You have to blow on the edge. Hard. Then, suddenly, you can open the bag quite easily.)
How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures? (The light fixtures are not completely enclosed, there are a few small entrances. The bug gets in, gets fried, end of story.)
When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, 'It's all right?' Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, 'That really hurt, why don't you watch where you're going?' (Because it sounds impolite - and remember what your mother tried to teach you abot politeness.)
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over? (I don't. Actually, I'm quite good at catching things I sent falling off the table... What can I say? Practice makes perfect.)
In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat? (I don't. Our place is rather cool in summer.)
And my FAVORITE......
The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -
if they're okay, then it's you. (/me mutters about statistics... Only believe in statistics you manipulated yourself.)
