This idea was stolen from another board, so I'm not going to pretend to take credit.

It works something like this---I will post a wish, and someone else comes in and grants it, but qualifies it in the extreme (pretty much corrupting it), and then they get to post a wish. (may or may not have a L&C theme). some examples:

I wish I had a harley davidson motorcycle.

Granted. But your first trip out results in a speeding ticket of such magnitude that you end up having to sell the bike to pay the ticket.

or

I wish all the leaves in my yard were already raked.

Done. But all the kids in the neighborhood spot this 7-foot-tall, perfectly shaped pile of leaves, and they all come to your house and have a great time jumping in it, and you end up in the kitchen all afternoon making apple cider and gingerbread cookies in order to feed this hoarde, and at the end of the day, the leaves are all over the yard again.

might even get a fanfic challenge on this! and ix-nay on the wishing for more wishes.

I'll start.

I wish I had a new car, all paid for and everything.

Granted. You receive a Hot Wheels El Camino. Only a few bucks at Toys R Us.

I wish my laundry was nicely folded and put away in my dressers.

Granted. It was. At some point. Probably last year.

I wish I had high-speed wireless internet access here in this apartment (located off the coast of Florida).

Paul

Granted. But your computer gets attacked by a vicious virus two seconds later.

I wish for a fantastic, relaxing beauty day at the spa!

Granted. But when you get home, you find out that your roommate took advantage of your absence to throw a party and then left town for the weekend, so you have to clean up the mess on your own.

I wish it was sunny outside.

See ya,
AnnaBtG.

Granted, oh great master vampire.......

I wish I had Superman's powers plus an immunity to Kryptonite, and no supervillians to deal with....

Granted. But it's the year 2342, and you've outlived all of human existence.

I wish could win the lottery.

Sara

Granted. You spend/give all of your lottery money only to find out it was a mistake and the bank wants it back ASAP.

I wish...hmm oh I've got one. I wish I wasn't single anymore. :p

JD

Granted. But the man you marry decides in 6 months that he'd rather be a Betty than a Barry.

I wish I could never get a speeding ticket, no matter how fast I wanted to drive.

Granted! It's too bad the Disneyland Autopia cars you're allowed to drive are stuck on that annoying bar in the middle of the track. And please, tell that six year old in the car ahead of you to press down on the gas pedal!

I wish that my two year old son will successfully complete his ring bearer duties at my brother's wedding this Saturday while keeping his new suit, tie, and shoes clean until after the formal pictures.

Granted! It's just too bad that he saw those superhero pictures lying around and decided to take off the suit, tie, and shoes. At least he left them somewhere where they'd be clean while he went off to perform his duties in his brightly colored underwear!

I wish I could get on a reasonable and reliable sleep schedule, and stick with it.

Granted! But it's between 6pm and 2am, and there's no-one else awake when you are.

I wish... I had a cleaning service.


Wendy

Granted. But your cleaner is a Health and Safety freak. No ironing in case she gets burned. No cleaning windows in case she falls of a ladder. Etc. Plus she turns out to be allergic to manmade chemicals and electromagnetic fields. No using the vacuum cleaner, bleach, detergent...

Now...

I wish I could remember where I put my National Trust membership card.

Chris

Granted. It turns out that it was in your slacks pocket right before you did wash. Soggy card.

I wish it weren't quite so busy today at work.

Granted. But then management realises that they don't need quite so many staff after all, and cutbacks are planned...

I wish I didn't get so many fic ideas all at once...


Wendy

Granted. The entire mess of fic ideas will now be compressed into a single story about a time traveller from another dimension who, while dealing with amnesia and trying to figure out how to save the world from a giant asteroid, ends up getting shot by a ressurected gangster just as his girlfriend tells him that she's going to marry his worst enemy, and on Christmas Eve, too! However will he manage to deal with everything and find time to visit Italy and France and Norway and Arizona and half a dozen other places, all without revealing his secrets?

I wish I could see my friends face to face more often.

Granted! The sanitarium has a lovely padded-walls rec room.

I wish my husband was more interested in fanfic.

PJ

Granted. But he turns into UberEditor as he reads your stories, destroys your plots, tells you you need to change the characterisation and hands the file back to you once he's read it covered in red edits.

I wish...it was warm and dry enough to go for a walk this evening.

Granted. But then it gets so hot and humid that you wish it was cold and wet again.

I wish I could write faster and more fluently.

Yvonne

Granted. But this newly-created talent for fast and fluent writing only seems to manifest itself in management reports, of which you are asked to write more and more as you prove to be so adept at them.

I wish I could lose those ten pounds I still desperately need to let go of - without having to do any horrible exercise to get there!


Oh, and Paul? ROFL!

Wendy

Granted. But the weight-loss doesn't stop at ten pounds, and before you know where you are, you've disappeared in a puff of unwritten fanfic ideas.

I wish *I* could lose half a stone or so.

Yvonne

Granted. Unfortunately it's not merely half a stone but a 22-foot-tall pile of stones that your crazy landscape-minded neighbor mistakenly dumped at the end of your driveway, and you realize it's going to take a 92-decible scream for either a dump truck or Superman to get you to work on time this morning.

(yeah, I know what half-a-stone you're talkin' about---something like 6 pounds. which won't buy you lunch in christopher's street anyway. )


I wish I lived in a warmer climate.


by the way, people! this has been loads of fun! my El Camino is the envy of the 'hood!

Done. You now live in the Sahara.

I wish I was irresistible to women.....

Granted. Did you ever see that episode of Buffy where a horde of women chased after Xander with axes because they were all infatuated with him, all wanted him, and would kill him rather than let him be with anyone else...

Stick with that thought.

I wish...there were more hours in a day so that I could go write now instead of having to go to bed...

LabRat

Granted, but first you'd need to find a way to make time a definite forth dimension rather than it being a theoretical one.

I wish I could win the lottery

Granted: you could...but you don't.

I wish for an iPod nano!

Granted. Too bad it's not compatible with your computer's operating system, and you can't put any songs in it.

I wish I didn't find the Advanced Chemistry exercises so hard.

See ya,
AnnaBtG.

Granted! Now you can't find them at all!

I wish I'd hear from the university.

Granted! The entire campus is now a living being. Several tons of pavement wish to have a little chat with you about the way you're constantly walking over them, wearing them down, dirtying them, etc. Good luck.

I wish that a large asteroid with a nickel/iron/magnetite core would pass by (without crashing into) the Earth, closely enough that the combined gravitational and magnetic forces would pull the planet just a little further back in its orbit, neatly offsetting the effects of global warming.

Granted. Unfortunately, it's off by just a smidgen, pulls just a little too hard, and plunges the planet into another ice age.

I wish we could keep Christmas trees up all year round.

Granted -- you can. But the rest of the world will think you're just a little off your rocker.

I wish Emilie and I could slip past this whole engagement thing and just get married, but without upsetting or inconveniencing anyone.

Granted. You can. Eloping doesn't really inconvenience anybody.

However, to make sure that your friends and relations are not upset, you have to find somebody to brainwash and hypnotise them all. This is very expensive and bankrupts you, and it turns out to be far more hassle than any engagement could ever have been.

Oops. Who forgot to 'do' Great Aunt Edna...?


I wish I liked housework.

Chris

Granted, but now you've become obsessive compulsive and have scrubbed a great big hole in the floor that you've been working at for 48 hours.

I wish I was pretty enough for Dean Cain to do a double take.

granted! you are spending a lovely date with Dean Cain in a posh restaurant.

...and then a peeved Lois Lane walks in and sees you with what seems to be...her husband.....

I wish the special trip to work today hadn't resulted in a blown out tire and my car in the shop now. darn el caminos.....

Granted. It didn't. You got to work all right, unlike all your other colleagues, and your boss made you do all the work on your own. You won't be going home anytime soon.

I wish I had a copy of "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban" in English.

See ya,
AnnaBtG.

Granted. Except Harry waved his wand and now you can't read English.

I wish I hadn't just eaten that piece of baklava (see previous wish about losing weight ).

Yvonne

Granted. The baklava ate you, instead.

I wish my advisor realized students aren't officially back yet and didn't demand we do work....

Granted. But then by the time your first assignment is due you realise you wished you'd worked earlier so you'd be able to finish and pass!

I wish I wasn't such a procrastinator.


Wendy <-- former university professor

Granted! But you finish everything so fast these days you run out of things to do and spend hours staring at the wall.

I wish I had a big bowl of icecream.

Granted. But it's so hot over there that the icecream melts instantly and turns green.

I wish the students would remember they're not supposed to be back yet and stop bugging me for stuff.

Yvonne

Granted. But then you get paranoid and wonder where all the students are and what they're doing.


I wish... Um... I wish I could get around to finishing my current knitting project.

Chris

(BTW, I *like* green icecream. Mint choc chip. Pistachio. Mint and honeycomb... MMmmmmmmmm.)

Done! But then you catch the knitting bug and knit covers for every item in your house, including the fridge. Unfortunately it's so tight that it wont come off, you can't open the fridge, and you're forced to eat out every night.

I wish I could be bothered writing. :p

Granted! Now you've been bothered while writing in the kitchen, you've been bothered while writing at the office, you've even been bothered while writing in bed. As a result you've found it difficut to accomplish much on your WIPs, and also that you're very easily distracted - it might be time to get that checked out

I wish I had a personal grader to grade all of my students projects that I should have done over vacation!

shells

Granted. But he was very strict and failed all your students. They are now campaigning outside your door.

I wish I didn't have a toothache.

See ya,
AnnaBtG.

Granted. But now you don't have any teeth either.

I wish I could meet my favourite TV character (character, not actor ).


Wendy

Granted. But your meeting was limited to a brief five minutes, and the poor guy had just been shot by a clone of a dead, famous gangster, so you couldn't talk to him without giving away his secret identity.

I wish my room was clean.

Sara (who ignores the fact that Dr. Who might have been who Wendy was talking about ;P)

Granted but a mini tornado just struck your room and it looks worse than it did before

I wish that I could find my muse to start writing a fanfic based on Lois and Clark

Oh and granted. But she decides she only wants to write about Star Trek instead. (Muses are fickle).

I wish I had a pony named Cochise. (hey, it's a childhood dream, so sue me )


LabRat

Granted! But the pony becomes so enraged by people calling it "Cocky" for short, it reports you for giving it such a weird name and is taken into pony-foster care.

I wish I had a box of donut. (Detect a theme? Mmmfood. <G>)

Granted! But as you take a bite into the first one, you realize that the box must have been left there by a co-worker before you all left for winter break. Yuck!

I wish USC would turn it around in the second half!

Edit: Well, USC granted that wish. But they lost the championship anyway! Thanks a whole heck of a lot, Vince Young.

I wish that the US soccer team will make it through the first round of the World Cup so that I don't have to hear whining from my husband and brother about all of their favorite teams' losses for the next six months!

Granted. But then you have to listen to them crowing for months about their teams winning and that's just as irritating.

I wish it would snow.

LabRat

It does, but then your furnace starts to make weird noises and you have to turn it off. (Happened to me this morning. Blech.)

I wish I could go back to sleep.

Granted, but then an explosion happens near your house and you are kept awake by the sounds of emergency vehicles and personnel racing to the scene.

I wish that the people of the world were not so materialistic.

(Seriously I do :p )

Granted. The entire world economy collapses.

I wish I could think of a better wish.

Granted. But you don't think of it until you're on the freeway stopped in traffic, and by the time you get back to your computer, you've forgotten it, and someone else has posted their wish instead.

I wish I had a way to organize all the stuff my family got for Christmas.

PJ

Granted. Sadly, "organize" really turns out to be "file 13", and everything gets thrown away.

I wish I could build a Great Library faster than my coworker in FreeCiv.

Granted. But then you're so proud of it you put it on a website and you get so many hits from impressed folks checking it out that your website crashes and it takes you three days of headaches to get it back up and running.

I wish I hadn't dropped my bowl of porage this morning. (Porage all over the floor and kitchen cupboards - that stuff could be marketed as a WMD, I swear, it's so hard to shift! )

LabRat

Granted. You didn't. But Homer ate it instead while your back was turned, and it turns out that he's horribly allergic to porridge, and you spend half the day at the vet's with him...

I wish I could learn not to burn my finger when taking stuff out of the oven...


Wendy

Granted. You invest in a fantastic pair of oven gloves... Unfortunately, they are the quilted kind, so you can't hold anything properly. Your pot slips out of your hands and lands on your foot. Casserole goes everywhere, scolding every exposed bit of skin you have, staining your favourite clothes, and fracturing the big toe on your right foot.


I wish I didn't have a big pile of washing-up waiting for me in the kitchen.

Chris

Granted. It all vanishes. And now you have no crockery, cutlery or cooking utensils.

I wish... I could stop having multiple WIPs!!


Wendy

Granted. Your hard drive crashes and all of your external drives and flashdrives die. All that Whofic goes to waste. You see the light and start writing for us again.

Julie

Granted! You were caught smoking in the girls room and are booted out of school. Now you've got a whole lot of weeks of vacation!

I wish I didn't have to do the taxes.

Granted. But now you're in jail for tax evasion.

I wish I didn't like food so much (anyone sensing a theme yet? )

Yvonne

Granted! You hate food, but food falls in love with you. Now, everywhere you go, you're followed around by little pink muffins fawning after you and begging to be eaten.

I wish I could disappear for a week.

Edit: Granted. But something goes strange and now you are invisible forever.

I wish there were more hours in the day so I don't have to comtemplate skipping the rugby team this year for schoolwork.

Granted. But now school takes up 12 hours of every day instead of just seven.

I wish my cat would stay still long enough to let me catch some of her cute poses on camera


Wendy

Granted. But your camera breaks and now you can't get the cat to move from on top of your keyboard.

I wish I had a time turner like Hermoine had in Harry Potter.

Sara

Granted. But you give it a strong spin by accident and go back to the Jurassic era... and - uh oh - that t-rex doesn't look too happy with you. I hope you have invulnerabe skin.

I wish I wasn't beginning to get sick and feeling so lousy.

Julie

Granted, but your new found energy isn't infectious and you make everyone else feel lousy.

I wish I didn't get hayfever so I wouldn't have to fork out heaps of money on antihisatmine pills

Granted. Feeling better is worth not having a nose, right?

I wish I had a better set-up in this apartment so that I could move around and do what I need to do (such as checking email and posting to the boards) without having to constantly worry about waking everyone up.

Granted. The combination of padded walls, padded floors and the earplugs you persuade your housemates to use mean that they can't hear a thing you're doing.

Unfortunately, they can't hear themselves, either. They yell at each other to be understood. They also turn up their music so loud that it blows out their speakers... but not before all the neighbours call the police, reporting your household for noise offences.

Pretty hard to check email in the slammer, isn't it?


I wish... I wish I didn't get so stressed about things.

Chris

Granted! But now you have a drug addiction.

I wish I didn't have to work this weekend and still got paid.

Granted. You'll work double-shifts next weekend, instead.

I wish that RL friend of mine would finally finish BRing that Harry Potter fic I gave her last September.

See ya,
AnnaBtG.

Granted. But her view of the Potter fandom is not the same as yours, and her suggestions for what should happen with Hermione, Draco and Professor Snape leave you scarred for life.

I wish that people who fail to inform unsuccessful interview candidates of the outcome of the selection process all lose their own jobs and have to go through the process themselves and realise how horrible it is...


Wendy

Granted. But one of them wrote a book on the whole experience to help others and is now disgustingly rich.

I wish my room was clean.

Sara

Granted. Your room is completely clean. Everything went to garbage.
Including your bed, your computer and all your printed-out fic

I wish I had another week of vacations.

See ya,
AnnaBtG.

Granted. But now you can't find anything.

I wish I could work less and play more.

Yvonne

That tornado did a really great job of cleaning out all the clutter!

I wish I liked paperwork more.

Irene

I just noticed that you got three answers at once, Sara!

So, Anna, your school just closed its doors and you have all sorts of free time.

Yvonne, you do play more, but your bosses aren't happy with the 'work less' part of the equation and you suddenly have a lot more time to play!

I still wish I liked paperwork more.

Anna: Granted. You do, but it's because the school has burned down.

Yvonne: Granted. You are made redundant.

Irene: Granted. You now love paperwork. But your new job is as a snow-shoveller.


I wish my desk was tidy.


Wendy

Granted. Shame your computer and all your favourite Dr Who DVDs got thrown out in the tidy-up operation.

I wish...I wish...I could find some nice affordable furniture to fit my bedroom.

Yvonne

Granted. However, it's a little hard to fit yourself onto Barbie's sofa, loveseat, kitchen table, or bed.

I wish my pizza was here in front of me.

Granted. Unfortunately, also in front of you is the psycho delivery boy, who thinks you're his girlfriend and who is insisting on doing the whole pizza and movie thing together before he proposes...

I wish my darn Muse would just finish my fundraiser story already, instead of continually adding things to it instead!

LabRat

Granted, but afterwards your muse vows to never write another Lois and Clark fic ever again and promptly goes into retirement in the South of France.

I wish that I could sleep all day

EDIT! i goofed. got excited. changin' mine.

granted. In the south of france, LabRat's muse has a new job as the sandman, and sprinkles sand in your eyes, and you are very sleepy. you sleep, and more than somewhat. when you awaken, you find your name is now Rip Van Winkle.

I wish I could find the world's biggest cattle prod for MY so-called muse, who thinks that writing 17 words per night is blazing progress and that I shouldn't be strangling the life blood out of it.

Granted, except then the words start flowing and you can't make yourself stop no matter how much you really need to sleep or work.

So, you end up sleep-deprived and cranky eventually alienating everyone you know and losing your job due to your inability to arrive at work on time/at all. And you can't type anymore because you have carpal tunnel syndrome, but it's not bad enough to qualify for disability. The only job you can get is being a greeter at Wal-Mart--one that smells perpetually like empty beer bottles.

I wish they would start selling Flakes at the stores here.

Granted, but the store is then flooded with confused mobs of superficial young men looking for bubbleheaded girlfriends, and by the time you get to the front of the line, ready to ask for your simple bar of imported chocolate, the cashier has collapsed from a combination of exhaustion and frustration (having had to explain the difference to each and every one of the young men in question, one at a time) and the store is due to close anyway.

I wish... (Hmm... I had a few possible answers in mind for this one, maybe it's worth giving someone else a shot, too...) I wish I wasn't single anymore.

Paul

Granted! You just got yourself a wife. The only thing is, she's somewhat possessive. You never get to go out again because she fears you'll get involved in an affair. You also never get to use the Internet again because she's afraid of who you talk to and what you exactly do while you're online. And, of course, you can say goodbye to your home telephone, your mobile telephone, and your phonebook, while we're at it. And of course, no more TV! She can't risk you checking out other women, can she?

I wish my mother would cook lobster for dinner.

See ya,
AnnaBtG.

Granted, but the lobster refuses to get into the cooking pot and you end up eating nothing for dinner

I wish that I had more patience

Granted. You are now the most patient person in the world. Unfortunately, you are so patient and understanding, that everyone comes to you for everything, but puts you at the bottom of their to-do lists. As a result, you have too much to do and nothing ever gets done.


Oh, inspired by others...


I wish I wasn't single.


Chris

Granted. Krissie and Paul, I now pronounce you Man and Wife.

(that was easy! for she is very smale.

Granted. But your new husband turns out to be a bigamist with thirteen other wives scattered around the country, who steals all your savings and runs off to join the circus with wife no. 15.

I wish my birthday was in the summer, so I could celebrate it during a lovely warm, sunny day, and not a dank, dark, miserable rainy one. :p

LabRat

Granted! Your clone should arrive within 4-6 business days. Enjoy life as a double.

I wish I wasn't single.

Oops. That was fast.

Okay, let's see:

(Yes, Sileas, you got the genders right, and stole a future answer of mine, too... Oh well. :p )

Sileas: Granted! She somehow manages to stumble onto the boards, register herself, and start a new post. Unfortunately, it's baby gibberish which no one understands but which makes her look like a troll. Her IP (which is also yours) gets banned from the boards.

Rat: Granted! (And happy birthday!) Your birthday is now in July! Too bad you were suddenly forced to move to South Africa.

My current wish still stands.

Granted, but unfortunately, your new companion is a snake collector. One day you get a little too close to her glass cage that houses the 25 foot beauty from the Amazon; it breaks through the glass, wraps its coils around you and happily eats you for dinner. She cherishes it forever because you're now a part of it, and it reminds her of you.

I wish my books for next semester were really inexpensive and easy to find.

Granted. You have a lucky find in the secondhand book store and pick them all up, dirt cheap.

Unfortunately, it's only when you come to do the course that you realise they all have vital chapters missing in the middle.

I wish Stuart would hurry back with dinner.

LabRat (who is beginning to worry about how easily we all seem to find thinking up ways to be mean. )

Okay, I'm giving in to curiosity. Sileas, you said your baby sister is 'smale'. I've racked my brains - it's not in the dictionary, and if it's a typo, I can't make it into a word that makes any sense in context. I tried saying it with various accents (aren't you glad you're not in the room with me? ), but to no avail. Help?

Oh, and Labrat? Granted. You *do* like snails and caviar, don't you?

I wish I didn't get cold so easily.

Yvonne

Granted. You've moved to the hot, sticky, humid, sweltering tropics. Now you wish that you could get cold!


I wish I was a more organised person.

Chris

this is a "shame on me".

I have a theory I'd like to test some day---every family out there has their own language, written and spoken, and in its pure form, it would function about as well as encryption. totally understandable within the family, but complete gibberish to others. Sometimes there are multiple language sets within a single family.

"smale" is me using one of these made-up words that my younger sister and I ("baby"---actually, she's about to turn 35 [ gasp! ] and i'm about to be 37!) use just between each other. yes, it is supposed to be the word "small".

bad habit of mine. I pull out my poetic license at inappropriate times, and that was one of em.

back to wishes! yes, we seem to be unusually vindictive to each other, but at least Krissie and Paul are now married! and i'm not posting here anymore unless i'm up at 3 a.m. and wandering around (which I never am), because this morning when i posted one, in between me calling up the "post" window and hitting "add reply", two other people had jumped in! too fast for me. and I'm a pretty fast typist!

Hey, at least having that way to relief evilness online means we won't ever feel like doing something similar in the real word

Sileas - I can assure you that this theory at least works in my family. Especially on me - I had my unique vocabulary for... well, I don't know exactly, but it must have been about a year and a half... and my parents (especially my dad) use it when we're in a silly mood. If you add the words my two little brothers 'invented' later (which are not nearly as many as mine, but hey, not everyone is talented in linguistics at such a young age ), it's possible to make conversation in a language that would leave everyone else scratching their heads.

Actually, I've made the mistake of speaking this gibberish with my friends, a couple of times when I was in a silly mood. I was impressed to realize that what I meant wasn't blatantly obvious to them

So, back on topic:
Chris - you have become very organized. You start organize everything at home, and when you're done, you go over to your office and organize it. When you're done, you go over and organize your colleagues' offices as well. When you're over, you go over to organize your boss's office as well. Your boss isn't happy with you intruding and demanding that everything be categorized in alphabetical order, and sents you on unpaid leave until you work out that organizing obsession of yours.

I wish I could see into the future.

See ya,
AnnaBtG.

Granted! Unfortunately you over shoot. Every time you look to the future, you see the year 2764. It's a Tuesday.

I wish I was in better shape.

Granted. Unfortunately, the better shape is that of a giant fluffy butterfly.

I wish Superman was real.

LabRat

Oh, he is! But since he made his debut in 1938, and he was in his late twenties then... Well, I leave you to do the maths. Suffice to say... arthritis... cataracts... paunch... wrinkles... comb over... And his sense of direction isn't what it used to be, either.


I wish I hadn't had to wait five (or was it six) years to win a Kerth.


Chris

Granted. You become the Susan Lucci of the Kerth Awards, and wait 19 years to get an award.

I wish that my yard was nicely landscaped.

Granted only your landscape designer thought that when you said you wanted it landscaped it meant that you wanted your yard to resemble the scene of a mud wrestling match and so now nothing will grow.

I wish that I was on a beach in Tahiti

Granted. Why does that incoming wave look so big????

I wish it hadn't been 2 years since I was last actively writing - it's really hard to get going again.

Jill

Granted. But now you've become like Wendy and can't stop writing.

I wish my car would clean itself.

Yvonne

Granted! Artificial Intelligence has come a long way! Your car can clean, drive and refuel itself. Unfortunately, it realised that it no longer needs you and it left to find it's own place in the world. I guess you'll have to catch the bus.

I wish it doesn't rain tomorrow.

Granted, only we get the same temperature as we did on New Year's Day and you end up wishing that it did.

I wish I had a Ferrari

(little parenthesis post, here: DocJill, I adore your avatar!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

we now return you to your previously scheduled benevolent vindictiveness.

Granted. Only problem is the short, fat, arrogant, boring, but immensely rich man you had to marry to get it. Oh, and did I mention that he got you to sign a prenuptial agreement and is immensely fit so isn't likely to pop his clogs before his 95th birthday... at the earliest. Oh, and he has the worst set of hair plugs you've ever seen and he has body odour.


I wish I had a wide-screen television.

Chris

Granted. You didn't say you actually wanted it to work, did you? If so, you shouldn't have bought it out of the back of a van. Still, wide-screen televisions make great decorations.

I wish vacations lasted forever.

Granted! "You'll never work in this town again!" Good luck paying the bills.

I wish the VCR had worked properly and recorded the SciFi Friday season openers (the shows I've been waiting all these weeks for) instead of 3 hours of static.

Granted! Unfortunately there was a problem with the timeslots and the SciFi Friday shows were moved two days forward to become the SciFi Wednesday lineup. You missed your shows by two days, but hey, got a nice three hours of Buffy reruns.

I wish I didn't have to make a two hour drive this morning. :p

Granted. Thanks to a major pileup, you were stuck in a jam for four hours and it became a six hour drive instead.

I wish it wasn't raining (sorry, but I've had a pretty good day, so it's hard to think of anything to make me more content )

LabRat

Granted. The rain turned to hail so huge as to make a record; it's putting dents in everything you own.

I wish people would stop trying to get me to drink Coke Zero as if this time I might suddenly like it. (Ha, see what you can do with that one ).

Granted only you find yourself inundated with normal coke (or diet which ever you drink) and you give up drinking it altogether.

I wish that I could go to Germany to watch the World Cup

Granted...oh, you meant you wanted to watch the games? But it's such a nice, pretty-looking cup!

I wish my new employee at work would instantly know everything I have to tell him so I can get on with my own job.

Yvonne

Ding! granted. He does! but then he forgets what he was taught.

i wish......that it was the month of May right now, instead of January.

(ps----happy birthday YConnell--looks like you've just turned 1,000 posts old. of course, in a few minutes, this comment will make absolutely no sense at all.)

Granted! When you open your eyes tomorrow morning you'll find it's now May 2020. You slipped into a coma overnight and missed the last 14 years.

I wish I had a monkey. With a little vest and matching hat. Drums optional.

Granted. But it gets highly offended at being dressed up like an idiot, bites you, you catch rabies and spend the next eight months in hospital getting painful shots.

I wish...that my (very overdue) cheque from the bank is in the mail that's just popped through the door.

LabRat (runs to look <G>)

Granted, wait you did say big as in the size of the amount of money right? Well the bank didn't know what you meant and sent you a giant check like the one used to show people giving donations.

I wish that I could actually get the time to read the hundres of books I've bought

Granted. But now you've read everything you have, your favourite authors haven't published anything else yet and you're left with... <cue dramatic scary music> ...Nothing...To...Read. The Horror!

I wish...junk food, chocolate, crisps etc were all health food that made you lose weight and lettuce was looked on with horror by dieticians everywhere.

LabRat (who has regular nightmares about that nothing to read situation )

Granted, well you have lost all the weight from Chocolate crisps but you can't stop losing and eventually you fall through your a-- and hang yourself.

I wish I were a healthy billionaire with lots of true family and friends around that I can help have easier lives.

Granted! As it turns out, though, your family and friends need a lot of help. You end up giving away all your money and running yourself ragged. At least it was fun while it lasted.

I wish that stupid 1 pixel-width line which suddenly developed on my laptop's screen would clear up.

granted. it's now a clear 1-pixel-width stupid line across your laptop screen.

I wish my dishwasher operated at something less than 85 decibels.

Granted! This one's easy. A blockage occurs in the incoming pipe, drastically reducing the water pressure. Your dishwasher still runs, it's whisper-quiet, it requires quite a bit less in the way of water and power, and the dishes are cool and dry! On the other hand, they're pretty much just as dirty coming out as they were when they were loaded in.

I wish I had a ready and free supply of all the good quality sugar-free chocolate I could comfortably desire.

Granted! No problem. Once a week, our tanker will arrive and pump the chocolate directly into your house in liquid form. It'll set quickly enough, though you may have problems getting the carpet fluff off it -- not to mention wading through it, as it'll probably be several feet deep...

I wish that I had a simple, free way of flying anywhere from wherever I am at the time, with no delays.

Phil

Granted, you are now Superman's best friend Jimmy Olsen. But after a while, he stops coming when you turn on the watch.


I wish I could enjoy chocolate without the caffeine headaches...

James

Granted! You can take in that delicious aroma for as long as you like! Doesn't that smell great?

I wish my friends had easier, happier lives... so that I could bug them (to play, to chat, to help me, etc) guilt-free.

Granted. But you gradually begin to realise that next to your friends, your life is boring and staid and you end up popping pills to stop the depression.

I wish every plant I took care of didn't die. (easy one, I suspect )

LabRat

Granted. You replace all the plants you have with plastic ones. You know the kind I mean --the really poor quality sort of fakes that you find in the Indian takeaway down the road.

When you take your new plants home, their leaves are totally unreaslistic shades of green. They also have plastic flowers that make a mockery of nature's designs.

Over time, the bright, lurid, unrealistic colours fade unevenly in the sun, and the plants get covered in a layer of grey dust that somehow melds with the plastic from which they are made. No matter how much you try to rub, scrub or clean, the dust will not shift.

Your fake plants do not die. But you end up throwing them out, anyway.


I wish I could unicycle.

Chris (who finds it much easier to come up with ways to sabotage other people's wishes than to think of wishes of her own).

Granted! You now know how to ride a unicyle! Unfortunately, there's no one around willing to sell, rent, or build you one. If you had one, though, you'd know how to use it!

I wish the governments of the world were run by competent and qualified people with the best interests of the populace at heart.

Paul, who also finds "granting" wishes easier than "making" them. (Then again, I never was very good with a blank slate. I freeze up when presented with too many possibilities.)

Granted. They are. Everything runs smoothly, the nations are all united, Utopia is created, and just the moment you think everything's perfect, Tempus appears and launches half a dozen nuclear missiles around the globe 'because he was bored'.

I wish I could find where to download Thalia's old songs from.

See ya,
AnnaBtG.

Granted. You find all the Thalia songs you could wish for...but the downloads come with a hidden virus embedded in them and before you know it your pc has died and you have to buy a new one.

I wish...(like Chris and Paul) I found it as easy to think of a wish as I do to sabotage...

LabRat

Granted! You can think of as many wishes as you want. But they're real wishes. Personal ones. Ones that matter. You'd have to be crazy to put them here, only to seem them twisted and ground to dust.

Meantime, you're stuck in front of the screen, thinking of things you really want but know you can't have and realizing that, besides driving yourself nuts with longing, you're completely wasting your time because you can't even post them.

I wish I had my own personal two-seat Harrier jet (capable of vertical take-off and landing and relatively high speed flight), complete with trained, qualified, and licsensed pilot/chauffeur.

Granted - You finally get to go on your flight, but a mysterious evil pilot kidnaps your talented pilot and hides him/her away. You didn't have enough security.

He needs your plane and adds it to his small and efficient army. He takes the pilot's spot and flies *you* and your jet away and conquers a small nation and you become his pet.

I wish I could figure out what I want to do for my career that gave me good money, satisfaction, and happiness.

Granted. You now realise that your perfect career to give you happiness, satisfaction and a decent paycheck would be a job as an Old Norse/ Medievalist professor. Unfortunately, there are only three of those actually employed as such in this country, if that. So, your perfect job is unattainable until one of those surprisingly healthy people dies off.

I wish textbooks weren't so expensive.

See, I have many, many practical wishes that need granting, my befuddled wish-granters.

Granted, you can now pick them up from your nearest dumpster for free! Only problem is that mice have chewed holes in the books and so they are totally useless.

I wish that cough medicine actually tasted like the flavour they say on the label

(I had a one one that said it was strawberry flavoured, needless to say it was nowhere near it)

Granted! Your local pharmacy begins to carry Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Medicine. Alas, ear wax.

I wish my son would sleep in past the crack of dawn each morning.

Granted. Shame that cough medicine now only comes in two flavours: cough medicine flavour and extra strong cough medicine flavour.

I wish that horrible, ugly white van would stop parking in our resident's parking bay, because it takes up twice as much room as a car and thus deprives two people of parking spaces.

Yvonne

Granted. But now he won't wake up at all - you always wanted a pet rock and not a child - right?

Granted. But now the horrible, ugly white van is parked in the front lobby of your building and you can't get out because it's blocking the only doors.

I wish that I weren't on-call today and could play on the boards and IRC instead.

Jill

Nice try, Jill, but my maisonette (an upstairs apartment that looks like the top half of a normal house) doesn't have a lobby. Guess this means I got my wish, totally free of corruption.

Yvonne

Granted! Unfortunately, you spend so much time catching up and playing around on the boards and on IRC that you get absolutely *no* sleep. When you go into work tomorrow... well, lets say the man with a foot for a hand and a hand for a foot isn't very happy!

I wish I wasn't so tired. :p

Granted! Unfortunately, now you never feel tired. So you never go to sleep. And, while this means you can stay up all night and chat to friends on the other side of the world, sooner or later your body rebels due to lack of rest and recovery time and it just gives up on you.

I wish I could manage to concentrate on one WIP at a time...


Wendy

Granted. You are now writing the same WIP for the rest of your life.

I wish the weekends wouldn't disappear so quickly.

Yvonne

Granted. You photograph and video them. Now you can watch and relive them any evening you like, once you get home from work.


I wish I had a degree in mathematics.

Chris

Granted. But as you bought it off the internet from the University of Kandahar, you have no more understanding of maths than you had previously.

I wish I had a time machine, so I could go back and solve all the big historical mysteries.

LabRat

Granted. But it's even less reliable than the TARDIS, so when you decide that you want to go back and find out who Jack the Ripper really is you find yourself being chased by ancient Egyptians instead...

I wish it was March.


Wendy

Granted. It is now March 1973.

I wish I could think of a wish.

Yvonne

Granted! You can think of a good wish anytime you want. Unfortunately, your head is now so full of wishes that you can't remember anything -- including which wish you wanted to make!

I wish that this (and the heartless, soul-corrupting, thoughtlessly casual, "let's milk every last dime out of a childhood memory just because we can" greed it represents... and, come to think of it, the very concept of a "direct-to-video sequel") didn't exist.

Granted. Bambi II doesn't go straight to video after all. It's picked up by the movie theatres--in fact it takes over all the theatres in your area. Bambie II and a Vin Diesel are the only movies playing for weeks on end. And, to add insult to injury, Patrick Stewart announces he will also be playing the Stag in a new Broadway play written based on this film. You can't escape this new Bambi.

I wish I could go out with friends and not come home reeking of "bar" so I have to Febreeze all my clothes and let them air for two days to get the smell out. All this for some decent chips--ridiculous.

Granted you can now pick up a bar odour repellent from your nearest K-Mart only problem is that it's in high demand and every store you go to is out of stock and won't be available for another few months.

I wish that I could eat chocolate all day

Granted! You can eat chocolate all day, but then you get so sick from it that you can no longer stand even the sight of it. Good luck enjoying chocolate in the future!

I wish it would stop snowing and that it wasn't so horribly cold outside.


Jen

Granted, you are now being transported to a beach in the Pacific only problem is that you forgot to pack you sunscreen and so your skin is the colour of a nice rip tomato.

I wish that I hadn't run out of wishes to think up

Granted! You just came up with a great idea for a wish! But... too late! I've already granted the previous one, and by the time you post again, you'll have forgotten the new one.

I wish people would stop wishing that they could come up with better wishes.

Granted, people stop wishing they could think of better wishes but they end up admitting they can't think of anything and the whole game ends....

I wish I was God, and I don't mean Jesus so no having me on the cross forever....

And yes Labby, I do remember that Buffy episode. It was cool, though if I were Xander I'd have slept with Willow, because it was obvious she wanted him regardless of the spell, so it wouldn't be taking advantage, plus also she's the best woman in the whole cast. And I mean that character and lookswise..... I never saw why all the male characters fell for Buffy....

Granted! You are now the God of a new universe -- that is approximately 1 second old (taking the time from its Big Bang). It'll be something like 10,000 million years before any life evolves, and another 4000 million years before any sentient life shows up. I do hope you enjoy watching cosmology in action, because there's no cable...

I wish the day was 38 hours long so that I get caught up on work and sleep.

Phil

Done, but you now require more sleep, proportanate to the length of the day......

I wish I had every episode of Lois & Clark......

Granted. You buy them off Ebay and not only are they poor quality TV to DVD ripoffs, but since they're illegal copies you get raided by the FBI and heavily fined.

Oh, and Yvonne:

Well, we can't have that. You finally persuade the council to impound said illegally parked van. Unfortunately, as they're lifting it into the tow-truck a bolt on the crane arm snaps. It veers sideways, the van crashes through your window and ends up parked in the middle of your living room.

I wish it was summer.

(Did I wish this already...I'm losing track? Never mind. If I did I'm still wishing it again because its a bloody awful dark, lashing rain day. :p )

LabRat

Hmm. Well, I'm looking out my window at the street and trying to imagine how the van could get high enough and close enough to make it through the window...nah. No way. Not to mention that my living room window doesn't actually face the street.

BTW, the magic seems to be working, because I haven't seen the van since I got my wish.

Yvonne

Glad it worked, Yvonne.

Lab, you've sort of wished this before. Last time, I moved you to the southern hemisphere to negate the wish. This time... Hmm... telling you that it is summer on the other side of the world seems cheap. Hmm...

Granted! It's now summer! Thanks to you, the entire course of the seasons has been upset. The polar ice caps melt a little extra in the unaccustomed warmth, leading to large-scale flooding. Birds crash into your house from all directions, unsure of just where they're supposed to be migrating. Hurricanes, created by the sudden temperature change, ravage the land that's left. But at least it's summer, and you're warm. So warm, in fact, that you can barely go outside without passing out from the heat. And your A/C bill is so high that, really, you're no better off than if you'd just left it as winter and turned the heat up inside.

I wish that Yvonne had a lobby, so we could have avoided this whole mess.

Taking a leaf out of Yvonne's book and throwing a wrench in the works , on this side of the pond most of us don't have no A/C units. When we want cool air we open the window.

So no A/C, no huge bill.

LabRat

Okay, fine. I was being nice. I didn't flood your house. I didn't have it flattened by a hurricane. I thought pelting it with birds and giving you a high AC bill would be enough, but... fine.

So now you're without power because of the hurricanes, the birds are constantly attacking the house (and the ones that don't hit it still leave plenty of messes, some of which get blown around by the wind), and it's unbearably hot inside and out.

Happy now?

Paul

LabRat (who would point out that this is Scotland and we don't do 'unbearably hot' at any time of year (we're lucky if we make it to somewhat mild), but will refrain )

Granted, she has a hobby and this thread never got started. However she never writes fanic again.

I wish Firefly hadn't got cancelled......

Granted. Firefly gets picked up on a guarenteed 10 year contract!

But then Joss gets attacked by a rabid X-men fan over rumors that he was going to stop writing Astonishing X-men.

So, the series continues, but without Joss writing. You're stuck with 10 seasons of sub-par writing that drags the show horribly into the gutter and trashes everything you loved about it. But hey, it's still on!

I wish for lots and lots of FDK!

Granted. Except all the feedback is of the sort that says "This fic SUCKS!" and "Get a BR!" and then you find out that several people have lampooned you on Godawful Fanfic... and then you realise that you're stuck in an alternate universe where you've lost all your wonderful writing skills and have become an average ff.net writer.

I wish I could escape Paul's revenge for this one.


Wendy

Granted, you escape Paul's revenge, but everyone else gets mad at you on his behalf, and a riot mob chases you complete with axes, swords, chainsaws, guns and crossbows....

I wish Lois And Clark would have one last feature length episode to tie up all the loose ends and not create new ones, with high quality writing, acting, directing and special effects, which is released on DVD, and it plays on my DVD player without any problems.

Or, because I'm nice and don't think anyone can currupt that one, I wish I had healthy teeth....

I'm feeling extra magical today, so I'll grant both.

Granted! A well written, well scripted, excellent feature length finale is made for Lois and Clark. Unfortunately, since neither Teri Hatcher nor Dean Cain wanted to reprise the roles of Lois or Clark, in the beautifully written, amazingly spectacular finale, the characters of Lois and Clark are played by Barbie and Ken.

And, granted! Your teeth a healthy! In fact, your teeth are so healthy they've gotten gym memberships and started doing weights. You were discovered by a back-water-circus ring leader as he was doing crunches, and he tricked you into a contract. Now, you're dragged from one bum town to the next and put on display as the Amazing Tooth-man and forced to do three shows with your teeth in the leading role of 'Cops & Robbers; Tooth & Justice.'

I wish it snowed here for a day.

Granted! It snows. And snows. And snows. And snows. All day. Over two feet of it by the end of the day, with drifts of up to four.

Sydney commuters, completely unused to snow, get stuck in drifts, try to drive too fast through it, skid on it or abandon their cars, leading to thousands of accidents and traffic chaos. The entire city shuts down and panic results. No-one can get anywhere. Anyone who can manage to get to a shop panic-buys and the shelves are soon clear of milk, bread, Diet Coke and Tim-Tams. Temperatures are down to several degrees below freezing, and everyone is shivering since hardly anyone has central heating. The only way to warm up is to find that garden spade and try to dig out the path and driveway with it - and that's when you realise that specially-designed snow-shovels exist for a reason.



Oh, and even though it only snows for a day, temperatures stay low enough that it takes at least two weeks for that huge amount of snow to disappear.


I wish that Dave would write the sequel to All The King\'s Horses


Wendy

I have a feeling most people wouldn't corrupt a wish for fanfic, so...

Granted! It's a shame you didn't specify when. Oh well. I hope you can wait until 2053! <g>

I wish my room was clean. :p

Granted! While you're out, your niece storms into your room with a giant pot of honey. She plays and plays and soon the whole room is covered in the stuff. She finally gets tired and heads out to go clean up, leaving a sticky trail behind her.

A bunch of ants (of different types, including carpenter) pick up the trail and go back to tell all their friends. Soon, your whole room is swarmed with hungry insects. They eat and eat and eat until there's nothing left but the bare walls. Then, having exhausted the available supply, they leave.

You return home to find your room absolutely positively completely clean. Of everything. Including furniture.

I wish I could do a better job of raising my parents. It can be so hard to get them to act like mature and rational adults...

Granted. Your parents become ultra-mature and boring beyond belief, able to put people into comas with just one sentence.....

I wish for my next wish to be uncorruptable.....

Granted, but remember this nothing in this world is uncorruptable and that includes wishes so in hindsight your wish has been 'corrupted'

I wish that whatever I cooked actually looked good to eat

Granted! Your food looks beautiful. Mouthwateringly gorgeous. So amazingly good it should be on the cover of a gormet magazine.

Of course, it also tastes like the cover of a gormet magazine, but at least it looks good enough to eat.

I wish my dog would stop randomly barking for no good reason in the middle of the night.

Granted! Your dog now barks in an orderded fashion. Now your dog barks the National Anthem and the Alphabet Song all night long.

I wish I had a really cool looking motorbike.

Granted I now present to you a brand new Harley, but you did't mention that you wanted one that you can actually ride so you've been given a really cool looking model.

I wish that I had a giant sundae to eat

Granted. Sorry if it looks too green; it was baked four years ago, and some fungi have grown on it.

(I know my wording is just asking for it, but I want to see your replies.)
I wish that cute boy from my career track classes would take a better look at me.

See ya,
AnnaBtG.

He asks you out on a date, and you begin a relationship with him, only to discover, after your wedding, he is sleeping with someone else. He kills you because you leave him over it.......


I wish for world peace.....

Granted! All life on Earth, except for yourself, is wiped out. It's lonely, but hey, it's peaceful!

I wish I could go backwards and forwards in time. <g>

Granted. You now spend all of your time frantically ping-ponging backward and forward in time - never staying in one period long enough to even talk to the other people in that time. Enjoy!

I wish all of my med school loans were already paid off.

Jill

Granted! A well-meaning relative comes in and pays all of your debts. Unfortunately, he borrowed money from the mob to do it, and now they're after both of you for the first high-intrest installment...

I wish...

You know what? I'm sensing a trend here.

You people are never going to give me what I want, are you? You're just going to take whatever I ask for and ruin it. Is that it, huh? Is that your game? Do you find this amusing?

Okay, well, if that's the way it's going to be...

I wish Lex Luthor was alive and well.

So there.

If that's the way you want it, Paul...

Granted. Lex Luthor is alive in all his glory, able to use the Internet. However, he is very displeased that a Google search of his name gives as top result a number of L&C sites, where he is always portrayed as an evil villain, not to mention that a good number of FoLCs hate him. And because he can't be bothered to look up who hate him and who don't, he decides to have all known FoLCs around the world murdered. Including you.

I wish my Advanced Mathematics homework for tomorrow morning would do itself.

See ya,
AnnaBtG.

Granted. Ever see Fantasia as a kid?

I wish I were Spider-Man.....

Granted! It's an awful shame that something went wrong and you look more like a spider than you do a man. But hey, I'm sure all those extra legs are useful when you're running away from the giant Nike in the sky...

I wish I could find this CD I've been looking for.

Granted, but your attempt to steal it from the US National Music Museum 's Hall of Rare Albums pits you against their surprisingly good security system. You did indeed find the CD, but weren't able to get your hands on it before you were caught and turned over to the police. Your hearing is scheduled for some time about 6 months from now. Good luck.

I wish the various companies I deal with (McAfee, Comcast, Dell, etc) all had free, readily accessible technical support, provided by a friendly, helpful, and competent* US-based staff.

Paul

*Like Karen...

Granted! But can you speak Punjabi, Gujarati or Urdu? Because the Indian computer industry has become so amazingly successful that they've taken over all those firms and outsourced their tech support to the US, but haven't taught their staff English yet.

I wish the forthcoming Superman Returns film didn't have a plot derived entirely from its name.

Granted! It now has no plot at all, and consists of 90 minutes of pointless fight scenes in which Superman gets beaten up by every known villain in existence, each of whom is in possession of every known form of Kryptonite in existence, while Lois Lane stands on the sidelines and screams inanely.

I wish I'd finished my coursework for the week.

BTW... now in Manchester, Phil? Changed jobs?


Wendy

Granted, but the it allgets destroyed in a freak acident. You get thrown off your course and can never get work again, ending up living on the streets and eating McDonalds.

I wish Adolf Hitler and Joeseph Stalin were never born.....

Granted. But the socio-economic forces which they harnessed are still in place. Someone else rises to power, and things go a little differently. WWII still happens, but this time it goes on for over a decade and ends in nuclear war, with bombs going off in cities around the world. Even more people die, and the survivors have to contend with radioactive fallout and nuclear winter.

I wish quality education was freely and readily available to everyone in the world.

Granted! However, because everyone is now intellectual, toilets back up, there's trash in the street, and world war 3 is started over arguments in evolution. Cockroaches take over, learn to read the textbooks, and laugh at we call "knowledge".

And thanks, Paul, for the compliment! I like being called competent.

I wish.. hmm. I wish Godiva's hot chocolate and Bailey's irish cream liquor tasted good together.

Granted. Godiva chocolates and Bailey's now taste great together. So great in fact that you indulge in a disgusting amount of them both, causing your stomach intense distress, eventually resulting in severe nausea AND being hungover. To top it all off, you have an important meeting with your boss at work the next day so you have to go. But you're so sick, you end up losing it all over your boss and getting fired. So now you're so poor you couldn't possibly afford Godiva chocolates or Bailey's, even if you wanted them, which you now don't b/c just the thought of them makes you feel ill.

I wish I didn't live so far away from my husband so I could spend his birthday with him.

Granted, your husband moves to where you live (Why don't you live together if you don't mind me asking?) but he dies in a car accident on the way there. (Too harsh?)

I wish Buffy Summers never came to Sunnydale....

Oh no wait, that's someone else's wish.....

I wish I had a million dollars (American dollars). In cash, in a safe, hidden where only I can get to it, completely indestructible and completely legally mine.

Granted! You do! One million US dollars, all in lovely crisp Monopoly money.

I wish I could think of something interesting to cook for dinner.


Wendy

How about turkey with mashed-peas-and-aubergine filling and pineapple-and-whiskey sauce? Sounds interesting enough, no? Too bad it tastes horrible. Four hours of cooking gone to waste...

I wish that the snowy weather we're having will not lead to power outage or water frozen in the pipes.

See ya,
AnnaBtG.

Granted! No sooner has 20 feet of snow fallen than a warm air mass moves up from the south, and there's a massive thaw. All you have to worry about now is flooding -- but not anywhere where it will cause the power to go out. Of course, a lot of people die of electrocution when the water hits live power cables...

After a day of marking which was rather depressing, I wish more of my students had passed their exams. :rolleyes:

Granted. They passed them right on their way to the local pub. Oh, you wanted them to sit the exams and then pass them? Sorry!

I wish my feet weren't like blocks of ice despite being huddled up beside a radiator.

Yvonne

Side note before granting this wish, know the feeling of freezing feet!

Granted your feet are now warm to bad it is caused by the radiator catching fire and burning your feet now they are not only warm but defintely toasty too!

I wish it would rain so the drought can finally break

Granted! It rains! The drought is over! Everyone is so happy about this that they all immediately fill up their pools, water their dying lawns, and take nice long showers. Within a week, the drought is worse than it was before.

You wish for it to rain again, and it does! Only this time, it rains so hard that it's dangerous to go outside. Some of the more fragile things take heavy damage. Of course, it's acid rain, too, so you're even worse off. Then the harbour floods. Dams overflow and then start to break. Soil is eroded and washed away. Oh, and there's mud all over the place.

Among those who did go out in the rain were the rugby and soccer teams. It's too bad that such dedication is so poorly rewarded. Seems exercising in the rain like that isn't so good for your immune system. Most of them come down with a particularly bad strain of the flu, and are unable to play for months while they recover not just from the illness but the ensuing dehydration and such.

But hey, no more drought problems!

I wish humans could read and project thoughts and feelings at will, so that there would be no more lies, no more misunderstandings, and no more prejudices based on superficial differences.

Granted, too bad terrorists can now read the thoughts of those in charge of sercurity. Millions die as a result.

I wish someone would write one of my suggestions on my "Fanfics I'd Like To See" thread.......

Granted, someone does. In Hungarian. Now all you have to do is learn the language so that you can read it.

I wish the Greek Ministry of Education would decide that Advanced Mathematics are not an obligatory subject for those following the Science career track.

See ya,
AnnaBtG.

Granted! However, they've replaced it with Advanced Basket Weaving that literally bores you to tears!

(Wow, this is fun.)

I wish to find a well-paying job in customer service close to home.

Granted! Now your job is *in* your home - no commute time whatsoever and they pay you bucket-loads! Too bad the customers won't leave, and they're starting to get a bit volatile, too.

I wish I was still a whiz at math.

Sara

Granted, you now are a whiz at math. You become an advanced physics student, then the greatest scientist in the world leading to envious scientists assassinating you because they're jealous of your work.

I wish I could live in the Superverse.....

Granted! You now live in Metropolis. Right next door to Jimmy Olsen, as a matter of fact. You even get to see Superman on a fairly regular basis. Of course, as a more-or-less ordinary citizen of the city, you have no idea that Clark Kent is Superman. You also have no idea that your role in life has now been defined as "Citizen in Distress #3."

When a supervillain goes crashing around town, guess whose apartment gets smashed to dust?

When Mayson's car explodes, guess whose car is parked right next to it?

When the evil hypnotist decides to gather up a few unknowing patsies to become his mindless gun-toting slaves, guess who gets pulled off the street and brainwashed?

When aliens invade the city and start looking for hostages, guess who gets tied up, staked out, smacked around, and/or almost vaporized?

When the bad guys cause yet another blackout... you get the idea.

This sort of stuff happens to you on a weekly basis, to the point that you're constantly worried about what will happen next. You're afraid to leave your building in case, for example, a certain silver Jeep with the brakelines cut (again) should just happen to round the corner and crash into you (not killing you, but putting you in the hospital for another few weeks). On the other hand, you're afraid to stay indoors because who knows what's going to fall out of the sky (and through your window) this time?

But hey, at least Superman is starting to recognize you. Not that he's ever that happy to see you. Somehow, he realizes that just being within a one block radius of you is a recipe for disaster.

I wish that all spam emails would automatically bounce back to the orginal sender, along with five copies of the "delivery failure" notice.

Granted, however due to a minor technical flaw, every e-mail you send is considered spam.

By the way, that was hilarious what you did with my last wish. Let's see if you can do even better this time....

I wish I could read minds....

Granted! You can! At first, you can only get bits and pieces, more confusing then helpful. Then you get better at it, and you start to hear whole thoughts.

Unfortunately, the thoughts you hear are the ones directed at you -- many of which make you feel self-conscious.

With practice, your power grows even more, and soon you start hearing so many thoughts (most of them inane) that you're no longer sure which ones are yours. This starts to drive you nuts, but it doesn't stop there. Your power continues to grow until your head is so filled with the thoughts of others that you can hardly think at all.

Desperate, you move to a remote location, limiting your contact with the rest of the human race to the internet... Where you find that the difference between hearing the thoughts behind the words and being able to see nothing but plain text without even facial expressions or intonation to go with them makes it almost impossible for you to correctly understand what anyone means.

You go around misinterpreting everyone, which gets you ostracized from the online community in general... Leaving you a choice between going mad hearing everyone's thoughts or living out the rest of your days in complete isolation.

I wish I had a Smile Time Angel of my very own.

Granted. But the first night it's there, your house gets burglarized and they take it. Plus every other remotely valuable thing you own. Tough luck.

I wish I could teleport anywhere I wanted anytime I wanted.

Granted, but your atoms don't always come together properly on the other side and you end up dead because of it.......

I wish for a one off final episode of Angel that left no loose ends, was briliantly writen, acted and directed, with all the cast and crew from the series.

Granted! The episode is made, and it's absolutely perfect. Unfortunately, on the last day of shooting, there's an actual shooting. They kill the entire cast and crew. The director. The sound editor. The makeup lady. Nobody is spared. So, while the perfect episode exists, the only copy is gathering dust in a box at the back of the evidence lock up room in a police station in sunny California. Tough luck, old chap. (Btw, love how you specified the original cast. <g>)

I wish I had a time remote control. Like Tivo, but for life. Don't like how something played out? Hit rewind and do it again. Bored during a meeting? Fast forward! You get it.

Dave

Wish granted. Oops, I think you just erased yourself on accident...

I wish...hm, I wish I had time to get more than 6 hours of sleep a night.


JD

Granted! Tough luck about getting kicked out of school and losing your job, though. But, hey! You've got tons of free time now!

I wish I wasn't getting sick.

Sara

Granted! You are no longer getting sick. You are now fully sick. Enjoy!

I wish I could undelete Dave, so he could answer the next wish.

Granted, too bad he answers in a strange mix of German, Polish, French and Italian that no one can understand.


I wish to be ruler of the world.

Granted didn't Hitler and Napoleon want the same thing? I trust you remember what became of them.

I wish that I could join the circus for a day

Granted! You get to clean elephant droppings for a full 24 hours!

I wish I could go to the beach today.

Granted! Aren't the waters off the coast of Antarctica beautiful! Hope you brought your long underwear - and about eight other layers!

I wish I could get the results of an hours worth of exercise without actually having to get up off my couch. <g>

Jill

All right. You get all the tiredness and the cramps an hour's worth of exercise brings You won't be able to leave your couch for the next three days.

I wish my writing was impeccable in all aspects.

See ya,
AnnaBtG.

Granted! Except all your stories are so good, all your readers either don't understand them, or are intimidated by your brilliance, so you never receive feedback ever again.

I...um...I wish my husband had mailed the Vehicle Registration Form like you're supposed to and I didn't have to go to DMV tonight!!

Granted! Unfortunately, the forms weren't filled out right and the check was for the wrong amount, so you'll have to go to the DMV later at absolutely the worst time and have to pay a penalty on top of that. Oh, and on the way there, you're pulled over for speeding, so along with your speeding ticket, you're given another ticket for having an expired registration.

I wish I didn't get headaches so often, like the one I have now.

Granted. You didn't need your head, did you?

I wish I had more money at work to spend on IT infrastructure.


Yvonne

With an embarrassment of riches, you buy so much stuff that you end up with a Rube-Goldberg computer network that nobody understands, including you. Work quickly grounds to a halt as nobody can find any of the servers they need and all the backups disappear into the ether.

I would like my head back.

Granted. Unfortunately, the operation to reattach it is performed by a drunken failed medical student and it ends up sewn on backwards. So you can now never see where you're going, but you always know where you've been.

I wish I didn't think mind-maps are a chaotic splodge of mess.


Wendy

Granted! Now you think they're so perfect you're compelled to do *everything* as a mindmap. Everything from grocery lists to fic. In fact, you're so taken by them, you find that you can't think about anything else. As you walk down the street you start to create mindmaps in your head (Tree-->Leaf-->Green). You become so obsessed you get a mindmap tattoo.

I wish I didn't have to wait until Saturday to see a friend of mine.

Granted. Too bad you only caught a glimpse of him on the evening news as he was dragged off, kicking and screaming, by the police. But good news is you can still see him Saturday... it'll just be behind an inch of plexi-glass.

I wish I didn't have any homework to do tonight.

Sara

Granted, but you've got extra homework for the next week to make up for it.

I wish all the racists in the world were dead.

Granted! But, as it turns out, the good people at Avenue Q are right. Everyone\'s A Little Bit Racist . But hey, at least the enviornment is much better off without humanity around.

I wish there was a global health care system which provided quality medical care to every human being on the planet within a reasonable timeframe while still giving the doctors of the world due compensation for their time, effort, and expertise.

Granted. There is. In fact, it's so advanced nobody dies anymore. People get to live forever... or, they would, but the thing is, Hades is very disappointed because he's not getting any more souls for his kingdom, so he goes to Zeus to complain. Zeus understand that the balance has been irrevocably damaged and sends down lightnings that kill all doctors, nurses etc. involved with this health care system.
(Adaptation of the Greek myth of Asclipios)

I wish for a small, light, easy-to-use, compatible with my laptop gadget I could have with me 24/7, which could record my thoughts in Word files, so that I could create my stories anytime I want, anywhere I want, without needing to do any typing.

See ya,
AnnaBtG.

Granted, however some hacker gets in and uses the access to delete your memory......

I wish I had a flying motorbike....

Granted! Unfortunately, the motorbike can't fly under the weight of a passenger, so you'll never get to fly yourself, and everytime you turn around, the motorbike flies off and leaves you stranded.

I wish I had superglue.

Granted. You now have superglue...in your hair, on your fingers, on your clothes, in your eyes...shame the tube burst when you squeezed it.

I wish I had pork chops to make for dinner.

LabRat

Granted. Two piglets, plus the appropriate piggy accommodation and food, are now yours. Look after them and feed them well, and in no time at all, you'll have your pork chops. I mean, you did say that you wanted to make the pork chops, didn't you?

I wish I was a better singer.

Yvonne

Granted! You practice so much that you're a better singer. The best, in fact, but you can only sing one song. The one you practiced. Mystery Girl by Peter Andre.

I wish I didn't have to babysit while I can barely move. :p

Granted. The <insert adjective here> kids have now tied you up quite thoroughly. Now you can't move at all. Enjoy!

I wish there was readily available incontravertable definitive proof for or against the existance of one or more higher beings (and, if "for," clear information about the nature of said being(s) - name, what's wanted from us, etc.), so that people (especially the ones with bombs) could stop arguing about it.

Granted. Said deity notifies everyone, and people with bombs stop arguing about THAT. However, they decide they need to argue about something, so the philosophical purpose of the Brady Bunch reruns restarts trouble in the Middle East, and pretty soon we are arguing about the morality of eating rocky road ice cream as opposed to plain old chocolate, since we humans seem to LIKE to argue sometimes. Sinner, Beware!

Let me see...I wish I had the money and resources to travel with my family anywhere I wanted four times a year.

Marcy

Granted, but you get mugged on your travels and they take all your cash, credit cards, ID and your car as well, leaving you stranded in some pigsty of a town that you were passing through on the way to somewhere nicer.....

I wish I was able to heal the sick with nothing more than a touch of my hand......

Granted. But working on the Chinese theory that someone who saves a life is then responsible for that life...all the people you heal expect you to feed and take care of them from that point on and you rapidly run out of room in your house and money from your bank account. Meanwhile, all these extra people are causing a worldwide population explosion, which makes you deeply unpopular with everyone.

I wish...there were enough hours in the day to get everything done on my daily 'to do' list.

LabRat

There are! Too bad you can't get any of it done due to everyone around you messing things up constantly......

I wish that when people weren't happy with a post on the boards they'd talk to the person who made the post before going to a board moderator.....

Done. Course, now that the admins and mods are out of a job, they have plenty of time with nothing to do...and you know what they say about idle hands...

Not a good idea with this lot, especially.

I wish I didn't have a dust allergy and didn't start sneezing up a storm every time I hoover. Bleah.

LabRat

Granted. Now you're allergic to clean air instead. Which means you must learn to live in the dust.

I wish I was talented at drawing.

See ya,
AnnaBtG.

Granted, unfotunately it turns out to be the only thing you're talented at. You're so hopeless at everything else you can't make money any other way, but the trouble is that, like so many famous artists in the past, your art will never become worth a lot of money until you die. You're reduced to begging on the street.

I wish my back didn't hurt so much that I can't sleep.

Granted, but now that your back ailments are gone, you are able to sleep for days at a time no matter what you try to wake yourself up. You end up missing loads of stuff during the day now.

I wish my roommates (college roommates, mind you) would stop acting like high schoolers with all of their drama and start acting like mature adults. (Easier said than done in real life, unfortunately )

~Kristen

Granted! Of course they now take everything way, way, too seriously. They have no sense of humour and nag you ALL the time because you never seem to be able to do the right things in the right way at the right time.

I wish...I wish...uh...let me think....I wish my landlord allowed me to have pets. I miss having pets...I even miss my parents dog, the one that howls at the slightest provocation...and sometimes for no reason at all.

No problem! Your landlord not only allows you to have a pet, he gives you one. A large tarantula -- and don't think about getting rid of it, as your landlord considers it a member of the family.

Oh, and it doesn't live in a cage. It roams your apartment at will . . .




I wish all of y'all used the subjunctive properly.

Granted! The entire population of Y'all, a (very) small town not far from Power Cable, Nebraska, now use the subjunctive perfectly at all times. By contrast, the larger population of Power Cable continue to butcher it mercilessly. :p

I wish Amazon would hurry up and deliver those books I ordered 3 months ago....

Phil

Granted! Except they sent you a bunch of junky books instead, and now you have to order them again (and wait another month or two), plus get rid of a stack of books no one wants . . .

I wish I had the wisdom to always know what to say or not say.

Granted. Except now everyone hates you because you are always right.

I wish that my cat would stop sneezing and blowing snot all over the place!

Granted. Now your fine feline friend goes around the house, constantly hoarking up his last meal--or hair ball.

I wish I could find a decent man.

You got your wish except now you never have a man and are poor because he keeps giving money to the poor and is always busy helping every old lady he finds across the street.

I wish I could find more time in a 24 hour day.

Granted. Ever see the movie " Groundhog Day "? Well, you'll have plenty of chances now. You can see it over and over and over and over and over and over and over...

I wish I had more AudioFic readers.

Granted. You now have so many readers that you are spending all your time listening/editing their recordings and getting nothing else done - including eating and sleeping.

I wish I didn't have to wait 5 weeks to see a specialist to remove the bad wisdom tooth that's currently keeping me up nights with its throbbing...

LabRat

Wish granted. The specialist's receptionist called today to let you know that he's booked up for the next year, and has to cancel your appointment because he's decided to go to Cancun that week.

I wish someone else could go to work for me, and I'd get all the money.

Granted. Except that your brain turns to mush through lack of use and you end up using all that money for a really fancy nursing home.

I wish I didn't have a head cold.

Wish granted, but now you have the stomach flu instead. :p

I wish I didn't have writer's block

Granted. You now have Pneumonia, Bronchitis, and a touch of Influenza.

I wish I could keep the titles and authors of stories in my head both during and after reading them, so that I could participate properly in the fanfic quote game threads.

Whoops. Look like DJ and I posted at the same time. I'll answer your wish instead:

Wish granted, DJ. Now, you can't stop writing, even to eat or sleep and you die of malnutrition.

Same wish as my last post.

Granted. You didn't need room in your brain for pesky details like your address, did you?

I wish DJ's Muse would come visit me.

The Muse stays for three weeks, and doesn't show any sign of leaving soon. You've got great stories coming, but you miss your old muse, and DJ's has scared her away, taken her cushy chair in your head, and refused to budge.

I wish that money (and therefore, greed) was never thought of, and that people only worked a) to fill a need in the community and/or b) for the mental, physical, and emotional stimulation of their chosen professions.

Sure, this is something I really wish, but it'll be fun to see how y'all can twist it.

I'm not touching that one!

Wish granted but unfortunately you turn our universe into a Star Trek universe and everyone becomes Trekkies instead of FoLCs...

I wish that Chocolate was as good for you as broccoli (which I like too by the way)...

(PS Lisa - you wouldn't want my Muse right now... then you'd have writer's block too. Hee hee...)

Granted, but now chocolate gives you horrendous gas.

I wish I was as talented at cooking as I am at banking.

Granted. Now you're a hopeless banker as well as a hopeless cook

I wish that all signs of acne would be gone forever from my face.

See ya,
AnnaBtG.

Granted. The acne disappears from your face to attack all other parts of your body. (wow, hard to wish you that cause I suffer from acne myself)

Having to presentations tomorrow, I'd wish the stage fright to go away.

Your stage fright disappears, but now you are so calm, cool, and confident in your presentation that you take forever, and after the first sixteen hours, the audience starts to fall asleep (those who aren't still boo-ing from ten hours before, anyway).

I wish for a ice cream drumstick, without the peanuts, 'cause I'm allergic to them.

Granted. One prepackaged peanut-free ice cream cone coming up! ... Now, if only you could find a way to open the wrapper... Man, they seal those things up tight, don't they?

I wish I could stay awake all the time without ever getting tired or sick from it.

Granted, but in place of sleep you will be forced to watch Victoria Principal make-up infomercials.

I wish I had a maid to clean my bathroom.

You do - but she doesn't cook, wash windows, or even vaccuum the rest of the house.

I wish I knew what to wish for next.

Granted, you are suddenly so full of wishes that your head explodes.

I wish I had CK's cooling breath.

Granted, but you forgot to wish for invulnerability and your mouth freezes open. When you try to talk, you drool ice and you get frostbite of the tongue.

I wish I had more time to write.

Hah! Rhea that was pricless!

Okay, wish granted, but now your so busy writing that you have no time to read fanfic (or read what's been posted on these boards)...

I wish I had a faster computer...

Granted; your computer now runs so fast that it is in training for an Olympic track event and you never see it again. (I couldn't resist! )

I wish all my family lived in the same city I live in.

Granted they not only live in the same city, but they also live in the same house as you.

I wish I wasn't sleepy at the moment

Granted, since it is now two days later you aren't sleepy anymore!

I wish that my lawn was beautifully landscaped.

Granted, but the landscapers decided your house detracted from their artistic vision and so they tore it down and put in a pond and trees, so now you have nowhere to live...

I wish it was 5:00.

Granted. As the song goes, "It's 5:00 somewhere."

Just not where you want it to be.

I wish my next two fics would write themselves.

(I shouldn't post again so soon but it is hard for me to resist this game.)

I have hereby granted you Rita Skeeter's Quick-Quotes Quill which allow your fanfics to write themselves. Unfortunately Rita herself is part of the bargain, and she constantly follows you around and makes up her own stories about you for publishment in the Daily Prophet.

I wish I had majored in business in college.