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FDK- Stranger in Our Midst Part 9 #82167 09/20/11 04:32 PM
Joined: Jun 2011 Posts: 2,131 California Mouserocks OP Kerth
OP Mouserocks Kerth Joined: Jun 2011 Posts: 2,131 California	Good chapter! The character interactions in this part were very interesting and well done- Clark and Lois was sweet. Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eye witness. --Mark Twain

Re: FDK- Stranger in Our Midst Part 9 #82168 09/21/11 09:28 AM
Joined: Feb 2007 Posts: 351 California EvelynC Beat Reporter
EvelynC Beat Reporter Joined: Feb 2007 Posts: 351 California	Very interesting developments! Looking forward to where you take this. Just a couple of words I noticed which I think you might want to change: Quote “Doing what any good reporter would do… saving my story! My bag… where’s my bag?” She tried walking into the living room searching for the item, than stumbled, all her previous bravo drained away. I believe the word you want is "bravado" instead of "bravo". Quote Inwardly he sighed; thanking the heavens, she was now safe, the outcome could have been much, much worst . I believe you need "worse" there. Hope this is helpful and doesn't seem nitpicky to you. EvelynC

Re: FDK- Stranger in Our Midst Part 9 #82169 09/21/11 02:35 PM
Joined: Apr 2010 Posts: 3,662 Likes: 10 Somewhere on the East Coast Morgana Pulitzer
Morgana Pulitzer Joined: Apr 2010 Posts: 3,662 Likes: 10 Somewhere on the East Coast	Pete's appearances are few and far between in this story. I am planning on using him a little more in another story. That little scene was included into the story almost three months after the part was written. There was a decidedly lack of romance between Lois and Clark. This was the perfect place to inject some! Yes! Perry was a better Father than Sam could ever hope to be. But in this story, Perry still gets to 'walk down the aisle' with someone... Evelyn, so glad you picked up on those errors! I made the adjustments! Thanks so much for the comments! Morgana A writer's job is to think of new plots and create characters who stay with you long after the final page has been read. If that mission is accomplished than we have done what we set out to do, which is to entertain and hopefully educate.

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