Hi, Ken.
Welcome to the boards.
To be honest, when I saw this I wasn’t sure how to react. I’m not used to seeing alternate-endings to stories. However, since none of the moderators have stepped in I’ll assume that you have not broken any unwritten rules of the boards. I thought about it and finally concluded that this isn’t very different than we do here all the time. If we can modify endings to episodes then how could we object to someone modifying one of the works posted here locally?
You cited Erin’s work and gave Erin appropriate credit for her idea and her own words, so there is nothing that I could call inappropriate in what you have posted. Did you make any effort to contact Erin before posting this? If I were going to provide an alt-ending to one of our stories, I would try to get the original author’s blessing before I posted my alternative. Just a suggestion…
Anyway, I noticed that it’s been several days with no feedback at all. I have been traveling and only saw your story today. I have to guess that some of the lack of reaction may be that many here don’t know how to react. This is different that what we normally see here. Still, I wanted to welcome you and provide my reactions to your story.
Like you, when I read “Accidental Husband,” I wanted Lois and Clark to stay married. It never occurred to me to write an alternate ending, but I agree with your idea for a “remain married” outcome.
I liked your courtroom scene. I agree that it had to be Lois that would have to make this happen. It was a small scene but I thought it was well done.
Overall I liked you ideas for the alternate ending.
The announcement of the winners of the latest Pulitzer Prize for Journalism was announced. The winners were the team of Lane and Kent for their investigation into and expose of the international criminal activities of the former head of LexCorp – Lex Luthor
That caught me off guard. Now that is a WOW! ending.
Finally, I will say that the story read a little rough? What I struggled the most with was tense. The text seems to be a mixture of past and present tense. That makes for a choppy feel.
I usually write in past tense because I find present tense difficult to use. When I have used present, I tend to do it strictly from a 1st person POV. If I read it correctly, your story was written 3rd person. I suggest for your next work that if you are going to write 3rd person, you might try past tense.
Did you have a beta reader? These are the sorts of things (along with tons of grammar errors
) that my beta readers usually point out.
Anyway, thanks for sharing your ideas.
Bob
Oops, one more thing. When you post a “story” use the Blue Arrow to indicate a new part to read. In this area of the boards, the Yellow Folder is used for feedback.
