I've been reading the story since your first post but I seldom furnish feedback, so don't think we aren't reading it.
Interesting premise. I don't generally like stories about Zara and Ching or the whole New Krypton nonsense, but the end of Part 1 was very dramatic, made me want to see what would happen next. The time was a little confusing--Jerome was obviously Clark's son, but at one point he is described as four years old but Clark has been gone for six years. I also noticed some minor spelling and punctuation errors, but that is just because I am the kind of person who obsesses over them (chicken coop!). I thought the pacing of part 2 was good, although I have a hard time accepting the premise of a Clark Kent who would come back in disguise and not contact anyone, including his parents. The end of part 2 left me waiting for more, and I appreciate your not making us wait forever for the next part.
I like the way you used the Oklahoma geography that you knew, but there were almost too many Oklahoma details, especially for readers who may not be familiar with its geography, or who may not realize where it is in relationship to Kansas. Since a lot of fanfic writers put Smallville somewhere near Wichita it could be located just over the border from Oklahoma, but that is not clear to the general reader.
The phone call from Clark to the Planet in Part 3 did not ring true to me. For one thing, what happened to Lois' investigation of Jerry Click? And why, after ignoring Lois for so long, was Clark suddenly trying to contact her? And I hate being told that Perry knows all about Clark and Superman--if we're going to have a Perry/Jimmy revelation scene, I want to see it, not hear about it! And what did Perry mean when he kept insisting that Clark was dead?
I liked the scene where Clark finally showed up, but I felt we needed some transition/foreshadowing. Lois needs to start realizing the world's need for Ultrawoman, before Clark ever brings it up; this is Lois's story, so we need to show that she is going through some sort of growth/change as she realizes what has happened to Clark and why he is behaving the way he is. What did she plan to do after the changes to the house were completed? Was she going to go after Clark and drag him home? What happened to Mad Dog Lane? I am also not a fan of "angry Lois", but this is definitely a situation where she deserves to be angry!
In Part 4, Clark seemed a little dense when it came to realizing just who Jerome was, and he seemed to take the whole thing pretty calmly. Here he has been hiding himself from Lois, and she has been raising his child. This should be an angst-inducing revelation if there ever was one! He should realize that he has been shirking responsibility. The part was well-written, excellent dialogue, but it just made me feel that Clark was a wimp, and I've never liked him in that role.
Part 5 was a nice wrap-up, although the formatting error (bold type) was distracting. Once again, I had a little trouble seeing Clark's motivation, with the WHY of his change of heart, but it was nicely written. I think the thing that would take this story from good to great, however, would be seeing (not simply being told) what was in Lois's heart and watching as she learns something and goes through some personal growth. I also liked the epilogue, although I would be happy to see it as another story by itself.
I was not familiar with your writing before this story, but I would definitely read your stories again. Don't let the lack of feedback discourage you, sometimes we just don't know what to say.
