Summary: Tempus travels through time as he teaches himself a Dickens’ inspired tale.
So, Tempus is the Ghost of Christmas Future, Lex the one of Christmas Present, and Herb the one of Christmas Past?
HERB: Hey! Why am I listed with two villains?
CLARK:
![[Linked Image]](http://cosgan.de/images/smilie/frech/e015.gif)
TJ exited the school bus with a heavy sigh. He had been on this exact same field trip every year since kindergarten. He couldn’t fathom why his classmates were excitedly tripping over themselves to line up behind the docent
Superman museum and he’s a descendent?
The nine-story Superman Museum, situated in the heart of Metropolis, was Utopia’s main tourist attraction.
*Nine*?
CURATOR: Lois Lane lots of resucing…
Blindingly bright sunlight reflected off the mirror-finished windows, which were polished to spotless perfection.
A bit proud of it, aren’t we?
The ornamental garden surrounding the building was fastidiously tidy, not an errant leaf out of place.
Wait, ‘TJ’? Tempus Junior?
“Lois Lane loved nature. Did you know that she had fish as pets? And she always had a beautiful plant on her desk at the Daily Planet.”
*nature*? *beautiful plant*?
TJ willfully suppressed the first response that threatened to fall off his tongue: “Duh!”
See? Some sort of Tempus.
Katie was fine. She liked him – God knows why. And she let him feel her up sometimes. Maybe if they were still together by prom, she’d put out.
He sounds like a keeper.
TJ’s biggest complaint about his girlfriend was regarding her personality: she was mind-numbingly boring. But then, so was Utopia.
No rebellious teens?
Nothing was ever out of place in Utopia.
Couldn’t he hide dog poo in a corner of the museum?
“Christmas was Lois Lane’s favorite time of year.”
LOIS: Bah! Humbug.
She pointed towards an open doorway that was labelled with a huge yellow banner. “I’ll be leading you through our current special exhibition, ‘Lois and Clark: A Love Affair for the Ages.’”
Since they’re already old enough to be confronted with such things?
He stepped through the threshold into the brightly lit room. Valentine’s Day had thrown up all over the exhibition hall.
So, a reproduction of the bullpen the day after Miranda released Revenge?
TJ turned his head and took in the middle aged man who had just spoken. He was wearing the silver suit so typical of his generation – a tragic ensemble TJ swore he’d never be caught dead in. TJ made a non-committal sigh and turned his attention away.
It *is* Tempus Junior! Unless…he’s meeting himself.
BIFF:
Except Katie.” He smiled, nodded, and said, “Keep her around until after prom.”
Tempus blinked and refocused. He turned his head towards TJ and said, “Lois and Clark aren’t the heroes you think they are. Superman has his flaws.”
That was the best thing TJ had heard all day. “What do I have to do?”
Oh boy. I’m thinking he’ll have a hard time proving that one.
TJ: He could at least have brought barf bags on this trip…
He looked with fascination at the brick walls and old-fashioned paneling, the impossibly tiny television, and the hideous couch he was currently clutching.
Hmm…Clark’s apartment since Lois’s doesn’t have exposed bricks?
“Lois Lane’s apartment. Christmas, 1994. See for yourself.”
Ah, I see…/pencils in LnC rewatch…/
Tempus turned to his right, gesturing with his hand. TJ followed his lead and gasped when he saw the woman standing ten feet away from him.
LOIS:
Time fiend! You dirty time fiend! Get out of my time!
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She was younger, though, with a spiral curl to her wavy brown hair that he’d never seen. She was wearing a short black dress, baring her shoulders and revealing her creamy bronze skin.
Oh boy. And now he’s in love.
His eyes zeroed in on her bust, and his body reacted inappropriately to the cleavage of Utopia’s mother. Three dimensions certainly suited Lois Lane.
“Oh, God! I’m sorry! I don’t mean to intrude.”
We can interact with everything here, but we can’t be seen or heard. It’s like we’re ghosts.”
“Does it work in the girls’ locker room?”
TJ had a flash of concern. “Hey, is this going to create a paradox that will cause the fabric of space and time to fold in on itself?”
Tempus scoffed. “Who do I look like? Herb? I just muck around in time; others can clean up the mess.”
Next thing…
TJ: I like her…
OLD TEMPUS:
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HERB: And this, class, is what we call a temporal paradoxon…
Being a raging bitch doesn’t earn you a ton of friends.”
TJ refused to identify the emotion that flashed through him as jealousy.
He moved to stand beside Clark, measuring their relative heights with his hand. TJ was a good two inches taller than Superman. “He’s a shrimp!” TJ said, as he began to laugh uncontrollably.
Tempus’ voice dripped with a sardonic tone. “No, that’s Clark, not Superman. See? Clark wears glasses.”
TJ’s face contorted with incredulity. “Is she stupid or something?”
Or something.
“I think I’m going to hurl,” TJ said sarcastically.
I wonder if said vomit would still remain cloak. But would the smell also be cloaked? Can you imagine? In some corner of her apartment, unable to find it or clean it, but the stench keeping? She’d have *move*!
Tempus dipped his finger into the cranberry sauce and took a lick. “Ugh! Me, too. I think she really did make this herself.”
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LOIS: I’ll have you know, I did open the can myself right after I opened the can of pineapples.
But then he took a deep breath, snagged a bread roll off the table to go, and continued on his journey through time.
Is he going to lose a tooth?
asked Lois Lane if she would be his wife and build Utopia with him,
“I’m sure Superman’s descendants would prefer to call it an interpretive framing of the relevant facts.”
![[Linked Image]](https://www.govloop.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/star-wars-leadership-obi-wan-truths-certain-point-view.gif)
TJ’s eyes widened in astonishment. “He asked her to marry him before he told her about Superman? Is he a freakin’ moron?”
Well…who else is a galactically stupid person going to marry?
The floating goldfish didn’t stir. “He doesn’t look so good,” TJ deadpanned.
“Lois couldn’t keep a fish alive if her life depended on it.
What!
It’s a wonder her children made it to adulthood.”
Clark had them grow up with their grandparents?
But there are a few scattered ones where she looks much older, almost as if she was a completely different person.”
“I made her. Built her. You remember how I used to tinker with cyborgs. Baby Gunderson’s an improvement; one hundred percent machine.”
![[Linked Image]](http://www.thetvcritic.org/assets/Uploads/Buffy-the-Vampire-Slayer/Have-you-seen-Warren.png)
I wonder if Josh Whedon…
He picked up a small package marked “Wrigley’s” from the desk and slipped it into his pocket. Pilfering objects from the past felt oddly satisfying.
I wonder how chewing gum will screw with the Continuum.
“1996,” Tempus said. “Oh, how a year has changed things for our romantic leads. No more frog-eating clones, previously dead fiancées, unscrupulous doctors taking advantage of amnesiacs, and the New Kryptonians have been sent packing. Wedded bliss abounds.”
TJ raised an eyebrow. “The textbooks seem to have skipped a few chapters.”
Would make for some nice horror movies?
“Swear to God, I’m not kidding,” Tempus said drolly.
“I guess we’re all very lucky that not a single human picked up any nasty Kryptonian diseases we’d lack natural immunities to. Almost as if it was a plot point conveniently glossed over.”
Or, you know, got pregnant…
“Odd that we’ve never been visited by any other alien races since then. I mean, we can’t be the only two life forms in the whole universe.” TJ’s eyes widened. “Or have we? Are those government conspiracy whack-jobs right?”
Or maybe, the other alien races are simply smarter than the New Kryptonians.
BLOB:
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Jonathan and Martha Kent were arguing about tough times on the farm. Ellen Lane was helping herself to a glass of eggnog. TJ smiled at the chaos.
That’s the last round of Mxysmas, isn’t it?
He’s affected by magic, too.”
TJ soffed. “Magic? Like sawing women in half and making tigers disappear?”
Yes, he gets very affected when someone saws a woman in half. You should have seen him when Kyle Griffin did it with Lois on their 3th anniversary.
KYLE: But it was such a hit when that dude did it to Darth Maul in Star Wars!
“Gum!” Tempus exclaimed. He took the object from TJ’s hand and unwrapped it, withdrawing a silver foil package. “I haven’t seen this in ages. It was outlawed centuries ago.”
Outlawed? Oh boy.
Tempus balled the foil trash and tossed it to the floor. TJ’s eyes widened at the casual display of something he’d only ever read about in school: littering.
and kiss – oh, God, the kissing! It’s even more revolting than I could have imagined.”
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Tempus smacked him on the side of the head. “It’s about the entertainment! Every good villain knows that you have to let the heroes catch you so that the game can continue.
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LEONARD SNARK:
TJ pulled the flavorless piece of gum out of his mouth, reached across the curtesy rope, and stuck it in the dead center of the engraved heart, squishing the used gum into the lasered letters of Clark’s name.
That was one hell of a Christmas!
Michael
