Darth Michael: Thanks for reading and commenting. Sorry this is so late.
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“Huh? Oh…Lois?” a woman’s voice answered before exploding in a fit of giggles. “Stop it, Clarkie! Don’t you see I’m on the phone?”
“Mayson…?” was the only thing Lois could whisper back into the phone before the receiver fell from her fingers.
CLARK:
I knew I shouldn’t have let Jimbo move back in.
JIMBO: What are you talking about? I only *borrow* your apartment when I need privacy. You’re usually OUT.
EW: Actually, *this* Clark was never attracted by Mayson. He has a Lois-track mind.
CAT: /holds out hand/ See, told you! Pay up!
No, everything’s not all right. Your girlfriend/fiancée/work wife just had a fit of horniness and needs something to take the edge off.
LOIS:
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/coughs/ No comment.
Psychic dream? “I hope not.” Lois smiled.
/cocks eyebrow/
A) Lois doesn’t want to have to travel all the way to Krypton for some noogie, and B) she doesn’t want to do it in public.
LOIS: Well, not *that* public.
“No, Clark! I don’t need you to come over.” Want, on the other hand…
Need. Want. What’s the diff?
/picture from some show EW has never seen/ Funny aside, “The NeedWant” is the name of the town’s watering hole / brothel in SciFi-Channel’s Defiance.
So, which is the Need and which the is Want? /bats eyelashes innocently/
NEED = Required
WANT = Desired
CLARK: One thousand polar bears and one. One thousand polar bears and two.
LOIS: You’re not actually supposed to GO to the Arctic to count bears, Clark.
Really? Into the phone? Hmm…/tries to figure out Lois’s middle of the night rambles/ In case someone’s listening in!
Or it’s the middle of the night and her thoughts go straight to her tongue without censure. One of the two.
And he ain’t interested in taking the edge off.
CLARK: /holds up finger to interrupt/ Technically, that would fall into the WANT category; so YES, yes I’m interested in that. Should I? Not on Lois’s life!
Maybe she should invest in a bat? I hear they make specially coated ones in Smallville, to help even with naughty farmboys who climb into Sheriff’s Daughter’s windows.
SHERIFF MAX: We’re having a sale on them this week! Only $5!
Wouldn’t it be awkward if she accidentally shot Lex Luthor through the closed front door?
NIGEL: Very awkward, sir. And I just stepped aside after jimmying the lock for Mr. Luthor, too.
Actually, that sounds like a good premise for a short story. You could set it during ‘I’ve Got a Crush on You’.
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CLARK: I can’t say that I have seen Mr. Scardino. No, that scorch mark on my balcony has been there since last summer. A barbecue accident. My girlfriend can’t cook, you know?
My only question is what Scardino was doing on Clark’s balcony?
Indeed A Metro Club Escort shouldn’t be seen taking walk-in customers.
Business has been slow since the club closed.
ER: /reads between the lines and finds Lois’s innocent remark hilarious/ But he wasn’t trying too! Hence the knocking instead of staying quietly outside like Ralph would do.
Different kind of getting off.
She put her hands on her hips, waiting to hear what part of their conversation had been a call for help.
‘I missed you’?
CLARK:
![[Linked Image]](http://cosgan.de/images/midi/konfus/c085.gif)
Um… it’s not? I’m sorry, something must have gotten lost in translation.
“— and insisting you solve the problem yourself
/Michael can’t held reading between the lines on my story to find hidden hilarious meanings/
That’s NOT what either of them meant!
LOIS: Oooh! Thanks. I forgot about that birthday gift from Lucy last year. Strangely, this year, she only sent me batteries. Hmmm.
Well, she *really* does *need* him.
Lois isn’t so far gone that her wants have turned into needs.
LOIS: I’m not?
No, him assuming that she required Superman’s services to… um… perhaps I should phrase this differently. Uh… let’s see… that he assumed that she couldn’t get herself out of trouble… er… rescue herself?
ER: /stares at blank wall/ /huh/
Apparently, ER isn’t familiar with the non-booty booty-call.
MEN EVERYWHERE: So, like phone sex?
So he did bring protection?
No. He doesn’t have pockets.
“Did I ask you about your pet octopus?” she asked, crossing her arms.
/rotflol/ A completely new meaning! /rotflol/
CLARK:
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I keep forgetting this wouldn’t be our first time.
What? It’s a scientific term for what Superman does.
Dr. KLEIN: And now, would you please do you spin-thingy so I can measure the strain it takes on your clothing?
A quick non-scientific poll shows that 9 out of 10 scientists prefer not to use the term “thingy”.
Was Clark doing this to her on purpose?
Don’t think so. He’s not smart enough.
CLARK: Ugh? Ba-na-na? Ugh?
(translation) CLARK: What do you mean you’re no longer in the mood?
SPENCER SPENCER: No need to speculate. You can read all about it in our next month’s issue. Complete with pictures (only slightly airbrushed).
LOIS: I’m not blonde!
Clark grinned. “Oh, really? Is Superman that easy?”
MAYSON: Don’t care.
CAT: No.
LOIS: Oh yesssss!
LINDA: Sadly, no.
Well…some things do need to be spelled out.
Being that Clark is good at being literal.
Awwww…it’s a ‘Honey, I’m home!’ homage from the fifties. Lois really does make a fine housewife. Maybe sometimes a bit desperate
Actually, I was going for politeness not any allusions to Wisteria Lane.
LOIS: Dad!
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Don’t tell me I have another sister out there?!
To dance at the edge of the volcano.
Ooooh. A virgin sacrifice!
CLARK: That would have to be a ‘born-again-virgin sacrifice’.
LOIS: Sold!
Yes, because she wasn’t interested in playing with a pet octopus.
LOIS:
I wasn’t?
