That took me right back to when Neal was born. It was so heartbreaking to leave the hospital when he was still in the NICU. And he couldn't latch on without help until he was a month old. Throughout my easy pregnancy, I had midwifery care and planned to nurse him exclusively, and then when he had such a traumatic birth, doctors took over my care and his, and when they fed him formula because he couldn't nurse, I cried. That was my lowest point, when I felt that everything had spiraled out of my control. Clement got to hold him before I ever saw him (except for a few seconds after he was born), too. So this whole part felt so real to me - it's like you read my diary!
He was so small when we were finally able to take him home that we had to bunch four blankets around him so that he would fit in the car seat. LOL...no one would ever believe that if they saw him now!
I can't even imagine the heartbreak of having to leave a child in the hospital and go home empty-handed. I thank God every day that my girls were born full term and able to come home right away with me.
However, they refused to latch to me, despite using every trick in the book - smearing milk on myself to entice them, using that obnoxious tube system thingy on the breast, using shields, stripping them down to their diapers for skin-to-skin time. They had a good, strong suck on bottle nipples though - I suspect my problem was my hideously low, almost non-existent milk supply that turned them off.
I cried every time I pumped, every time they refused to latch, every time I was able to (on a good day) pump two ounces for them, and I cried when, at 8 weeks, I made the decision to just stop pumping and go full on formula. Two ounces a day wasn't worth the depression it was giving me and I wanted the snuggle time with the girls more than anything.
Interesting to see that I hit a note with you - I always like to see when I'm able to more or less accurately describe a situation I haven't necessarily been in before.
I know what you mean about bundling in the car seat with blankets - we had to do that around Kayla's head and upper body because she was tiny (5lbs 2oz). Ashley was bigger (6lbs even), so we didn't have to do that with her.
Thanks for reading!
