Hey, David. I really enjoyed this, and of course I enjoyed the plot. Clark gets shot? What more could I ask of a story.
In general, I thought the sparse style worked very effectively - you pack a big punch with those short, stabby sentences. However, I'm not altogether sure it worked over the four sections - getting punched line after line for four sections began to feel a little repetitive. I began to roll with the punches, if you will, so that by the fourth section, I was breezing through it fairly quickly without really noticing the effect.
I think maybe you could use this style for specific scenes in a fic - at times of heightened tension, say, or at the beginning of the fic when you're setting the scene.
Keep on experimenting, though. I used to do a lot of that myself when I first started writing, and it really helps develop your technique. It's also great fun, isn't it?
Now. A sequel. You have no idea how much I need this sequel. What do I have to do to get it? Please remember I'm bound by the laws of various countries when answering this question.
Yvonne
