well, i'm going to have to disagree with both you and tank, chris.
i didn't think this section was flat at all. i like the fact that you glossed over the summary. it's not information we need again, and i think it worked well the way you did it.
i'm glad she took it well.
otoh, i did find it odd that you specifically mention his leaning forward and gesturing, even though nothing came of it. ordinarily, it would have been just another detail, adding to the richness of the scene, but since you're skimming over this section in time, it feels like the detail should be more significant than it actually is.
as for her reaction, it makes sense that she'd want to mull it over later and look into something solid (like the luthor investigation) first. and, given that he does have the files, which constitute proof just as tangible as his earlier display of power, it's also understandable that she'd have accepted it by the time he left.
glad clark realized the bank account evidence would be inadmissible. i was wondering whether or not to point that out here.
i also like the way you're building up their tentative attraction. they're just getting to know each other, but they know that their other selves are married, which adds both attraction and hesitation. it's a delicate balance, and you're playing it really well.
speaking of which, love the line about the englishman in a bowler hat.
interesting to hear about toni taylor's fate. i guess it really wouldn't help them, but it would have been nice to compare their universe to the toasters incident, just to see how well the information lined up.
btw, i think i just realized why you think this section is flat. there's a lot of exposition here. the thing is that it's
good exposition. so, while i can see it looking dry on the re-read, i can tell you that, as a first-time reader, it works quite well.
nice bit with the phone, clark's not hearing it, and lois's assumption that he would. shows their values well, not to mention the fact that they're only just getting to know each other, so they wouldn't have a good idea of each other's values. that's continued in the debate over the bank records, which played out well.
this clark does seem a little more hard-line than even "our" clark, but then, he is a DA and he never lived outside the law, doing sneaky super-powered rescues from the shadows.
nice to see the partnership starting to gel. that's always fun.
especially nice to see lois already taking account of CJ's powers in the planning. suggesting he take the out-of-towners was a very nice touch.
poor CJ, though, having the powers but not wanting to be a temporary superhero. not sure if i agree with him on that- might be good to set a good example, even if only for a short time- but i can definitely see him coming to that conclusion. maybe lois will be able to persuade him to put on the costume ("it's the idea of superman..."). maybe, after the late-night rescue, he'll change his mind for himself.
looking forward to seeing where you take this, in any case.
great job.
Paul
