Wow...
What an amazing chapter. Clark coming to understand himself. Know who he is. Know
what he wants.
I loved every part of it. The conversation with the doctors. The conversation with James. Martha and Jonathan--and all that they are as parents. And finally finding out what happened on the rooftop.
James hesitates for only an instant before those wise eyes crumple and become the wide, shocked eyes of a young man, hurting and afraid and so much more affected now than he was when Clark found him unconscious and bleeding to death on a cold, grungy floor. “Because I miss CK!” he cries out, his voice too loud, echoing through the hallway, piercing against Superman’s super-sensitive hearing. “Because I want Clark back more than anything, and this is the only way I can see that happening.”
I am blown away by the honesty in this paragraph
.
“Who do you want to be?”
The words hit him like weapons. Not Kryptonite, but like…like darkness, like the antithesis of sunlight, like a sucking void that steals away energy and life and replaces it with weariness and vague pain.
“Who do you want to be?” James asks, for the third time, as if the question is simple and the answer clear.
As if Clark has the luxury of choosing.
“When you know,” James continues, (so oblivious to the impact of his own words; so insightful that he turns his back to offer Clark a chance to flee gracefully), “then you can give me your answer."
James-Is-Awesome. Completely. How he walked that line--of being Clark's friend, of being Clark's ally. But also, by pushing Clark...just when he needs to be pushed the most.
"I’ve gotten used to being Superman, Mom. I like being Superman. He can save so many people and he doesn’t have to lie and he…he’s above it all. He can’t be hurt.”
He regrets the words as soon as he hears them and realizes, too late, what they sound like. He hunches his shoulders, waiting for his mom to grab him or smack him, to lecture him, to remind him of all the times he has already been hurt. But she does none of those things, and when he looks, hesitantly, back over his shoulder, he sees her standing stock-still, frozen, her expression so full of pain that he feels an instant surge of adrenaline.
Such a huge statement for Clark to admit. He's been through so much, lost himself as 'Clark', and now has found safety in the 'disguise' he lost himself to. Big...the implications of these last few months.
“Clark!” she snaps, and despite himself, Clark feels like smiling. She almost sounds like she did before his secret ruined everything between them. “You can’t--you can’t just grab me like that! You’re not supposed to connect yourself to me anymore, that’s why I left. Didn’t I do enough damage last time?”
The question twists a cold, sharp blade through his gut, but Clark ignores it. If he does not have this conversation now (if he does not make himself actually voice the words that have been festering inside him), then he never will. And then, no matter what decision he makes, no matter whether this last, desperate chance works or not, he will still only be living a half-life, trapped and haunted by might-have-beens and could-bes.
“What?” he says, matter-of-factly because that is always the best defense against an irritated Lois Lane. “You’re allowed to upset my life for months at a time, but I can’t upset yours long enough to have a conversation with you? A conversation, I might add, that you yourself said I needed to have.”
Big pat on the back to Clark here--he put Lois in her place, stood his ground, and most importantly, put himself finally first.
Clark lets out his breath in a heavy sigh. “Do you have any idea how many conversations I overhear in a day? Hundreds. Thousands. All the bad and all the good, ugliness and kindness in balanced measures. But through it all, in so many whispered confidences and private confessions and public arguments, you want to know what they all have in common? Everyone, every person in the entire world, looks into the mirror and sees their tiny pieces of imperfection rather than the beauty of the whole.” He can’t help himself; he steps closer, looks down at her. He feels…calm. Relaxed. Sure in a way he hasn’t been his entire life, and he wishes that he could take a piece of that confidence and instill it in her so that she does not have to look so lost. “Sometimes,” he breathes, “I think that that is the greatest tragedy of all in this world.”
Powerful. Beautiful put, and so sadly true. Loved this!
He has faced the world a thousand times as Superman (his pieces of imperfection). It is time he faces it, for the first time, openly and unabashedly as Clark Kent (the whole that will make all the fractured pieces of himself beautiful and worthwhile).
It's so inspiring when someone knows what is right, what is true, and takes that leap--goes for it and chooses, maybe not the easiest path, but the
right path that they need to take. 'Inspiration' at it's best
.
Completely wonderful!
Laura
Hope you are feeling better--and good luck with the move. We moved across two states to a new home last year (with two little kiddos, with two cats ). Lots of work. Thinking about you
.
