A very nice job you have here, using the fading in/out of consciousness juxtaposed with fading in/out of the flash back. Very nice use of space within the structure of the story, I like it.
Also, finally a clue as to what went wrong :relief at knowing:.
Very believable scenario. This story has texture, grit. It's very 'real-life-like,' and it's developing beautifully. Keep up the good work.
