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#66091 09/11/09 11:40 AM
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FDK goes here.

The rule still applies: good, bad and ugly comments are all welcome. I've already managed to improve upon the last two parts because of you guys, and I very much appreciate that. So please, please keep it coming!

I'm particularly interested in two things, this time around:
  • Does the first scene of this chapter sound 'right' to you? I did a lot of tweaking on that one, and I still fear that I might be jumping into the action a little too late there.
  • I had to write the final scene from Clark's POV, because that's the only way I could end the chapter on a really strong note. And we're basically at the point where the rest of the story gets launched, here, so I needed it to be strong. But because of that, I couldn't shine a spotlight on the way Lois finally puts the pieces together in her mind, so I'm a little concerned that it might be too abrupt, from the reader's point of view. Let me know what your thoughts are on that, if you have any smile .


Of course, as always, all other feedback is still very welcome.


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Hi Pedendang,

I'll come back and answer your questions later. Just a quick note to say: bop back to the story thread and change the message icon to the blue arrow. We use blue arrows for the stories and if folcs are skimming the boards, I'd hate for them to miss yours. thumbsup


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First scene - no to your worries. I think it's fine. There is a lot of exposition but that's what's needed right now, plus you go into action in the later scenes.

BTW, I'm wondering - I didn't go back and re-read, but in the first parts, doesn't Lois end up with the knowledge device? So maybe she shone the light from that into Clark's eyes? Maybe she didn't get hold of the ultraviolet/infrared light source that Leit was using to blind Clark in the first place? So maybe, really, the infrared light will still cure Clark, because it's never been tried? They think they've tried it but they really haven't, yes?

And why do I distrust Dr. Bannerjee? Isn't he one of the bad guys? And it was probably a bad thing that Clark blurted out the information about kryptonite, right? I'm sure the bad guys would love to have that information if they don't already.

Interesting twist about Dr. Leit and Munch getting killed - who and why? Intergang? Is Luthor dead at this point? Who's the real killer(s)?

The whole bit with the revelation scene - well done. I liked it from Clark's POV, and especially the part where he thinks about all the lies he's told Lois and how she deserves to have the truth this time.

But - curses! foiled again! - how could you leave us on a cliffhanger like that?! Letting Lois know the truth and then promptly getting her arrested?! Aargh! You are my new nominee for the post of evil cliffy queen!

(Actually, now you've guaranteed that I'll have to check the boards every day for the next installment. Your secret plan is working.)

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Wow, what a turning point! The last section was great from Clark's POV. I actually think it worked well not to see Lois's thoughts -- everything is hanging; we don't know what she's thinking; they're about to talk and we can find out; and BOOM! nope, sorry, that can't happen.

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I should have known better about the blue arrow thing, HappyGirl. LabRat fixed that mistake for me once already. But thanks for pointing it out.

IolantheAlias, you're asking some very interesting questions. Can't really say much more than that at this point. But thank you for reading and commenting!

AmyPrime: You are so right. These two have a lot to talk about ... at some point. Of course, trust Lois & Clark to deal with a whole library's worth of plot twists before they get there :-).

Oh yeah, and eh... I'm sorry about the cliffhangers, guys... or am I? angel-devil


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I am so glad Clark decided to "man up" and tell Lois the truth before he left! And I'm not a fan of this Inspector, but he did conveniently provide the incentive for Clark to stay.

I like this take on the ep!

Amber

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Pedendang, you had me hooked the entire way through. And it's not nice to end it like that. Ugh uh. Wonder what evidence they have to incriminate Lois, and *how* the two actually died. And will Superman testify that they were still alive and well when he left? But then his blindness will become public knowledge. dizzy

Michael


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Quote
Which is exactly why it also tears me apart to know how they’re sitting there together on my couch; to know that they’ve found each other, and no matter what happens, they will never be alone again. It makes me think of you. It makes me wish you were here, but it also makes me wish I could stop wishing for what I can’t have. It doesn’t really help, that sweet and beautiful and sad and heartbreaking image of you in my mind where I hold you in my arms and you hold me in yours, and maybe we both cry a little bit and smile a little bit through our tears when neither of us wants to cry anymore, and then you tell me that we will get through this together. And maybe there’s even a sweet, slow, bewildering kiss in there somewhere and maybe I know, in that moment, that I am complete. But every time I think of you, of that image I have where you’re holding me and I’m holding you and we both know it’s right, the realization that my life in Metropolis is over hits me like a ton of bricks.
Awww... evil !

Come back and give us more!!!


"Hold on, my friends, to the Constitution and to the Republic for which it stands. Miracles do not cluster and what has happened once in 6,000 years, may not happen again. Hold on to the Constitution" - Daniel Webster
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Okay, I'm finally back. I think your questions got answered, P, and you know how much I liked this part.

Iolanthe, in the original episode, Dr. Banergee wasn't one of the bad guys. He was the eye expert that Superman was going to see, but then Leit and Munch kidnapped him and Leit pretended to be Banergee in order to get access to Superman at Lois's apartment. So, he's probably okay. He does probably wonder why Jonathan and Martha Kent were sitting in on Superman's check-up, though.

Looking forward to the next part.


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Hey guys!

Glad to see there's still a bunch of people interested in this smile .

I'm glad he manned up too, amberlea. I hated it when Clark proposed to Lois on the show, and he *still* hadn't told her his secret! In a way, I could understand wanting to know if she'd marry the 'regular guy', but still. Clark Kent *is not* just a regular guy, and Lois Lane has a right to know that. So in this story, she knows long before they ever come close to thinking about marriage.

Michael, stay tuned for the next chapter (probably up some time tomorrow, if it can make it to my BR and back by then). I think most of your questions are going to get answers there. I'll try to drop the cliffhanger habit, although I'm not sure how hard I'll try goofy .

Vicki, yeah. That was one of my own favorite passages. I'm so glad you liked it, too! Re: cliffhanger ending: se above.

HappyGirl, thanks for jumping in and answering some of Iolanthe's questions, because yeah, Iolanthe, in the ep, Doctor Bannergee was definitely one of the good guys, so Clark/Superman has no real reason to distrust him here. That said, this is L&C. With those two, you never know anything for sure...


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"probably up some time tomorrow, if it can make it to my BR and back by then"

Make that a day or two on the BR's end. laugh


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For me, the strongest part of this chapter was the last 1/3 of it, so I think you're definitely safe as far as wanting to move into the meat of the story on a high note.

I really liked how you portrayed Clark's realization that he would never be more than a friend to Lois -- that he could never again hope or ask for anything more -- and how he finally breaks down as his world crashes in around him. Nicely done, and it felt very real and poignant.

I also liked the fact that the revelation came from Clark's POV. We've seen Lois's reaction a thousand times and we know what she's thinking. But by putting it in Clark's POV -- and his blind POV, at that -- you up the tension on the scene and give it a unique twist. He can't see the hurt or confusion or shock in her eyes, yet he "feels" it. He can't see her looking at his chest, but he feels her hand under his shirt and he knows what she's looking for. And he can't see her about to ask a question on a public street that must be asked in private, yet he hears what she's about to say and redirects her. It's a nice combination of Clark "feeling" Lois through their bond and his growing successful reliance on his other senses. And I liked it a lot. smile

Looking forward to part 4!


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