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#5612 08/19/03 11:03 AM
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Well this is gonna be the place that you guys can throw the tomatoes(or other vegetables if u prefer). I welcome all comments.

have fun, Superteen

Peace, Love, and all that stuff @};- :0)

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No tomatoes, Superteen. I liked it!

The only piece of constructive criticism I have, is that you switched from past tense to present and then back to past. I think it reads better when it's all in the same tense.

Having said that, let's move on to all the wonderful things I liked about this:

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"It's just that I've never really felt like this and I don't really know what to do about it. I don't know if I should just tell him how I feel or wait 'til he makes a move first. It's all so confusing."

"Tell me about it," Clark muttered so that Lois wouldn't hear him.
LOL - Yeah, I can just hear Clark saying that.

Quote
"Lois," Clark eyed her cautiously, "if you're in love with this guy then I don't really understand what I have to do with it. Or why you're *here* even. You should be with him tonight instead of being here telling me that you're in love with this guy."
Aww, poor Clark! I really felt for him here.

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now I'm babbling in my head! I never even babble out loud much less in my head...
wave


"Hold on, my friends, to the Constitution and to the Republic for which it stands. Miracles do not cluster and what has happened once in 6,000 years, may not happen again. Hold on to the Constitution" - Daniel Webster
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Hi,

Great story. smile1


Maria D. Ferdez.
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Don't like Luthor, unfinished, untitled and crossover story, and people that promises and don't deliver. I'm getting choosy with age.
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Well, for a first fanfic, this is very promising, Superteen. Well done! thumbsup

The little problems with tense etc are easily something any good beta worth their salt will steer you right on in the future - you can always advertise for a beta here on these mbs. You know, for your next story. wink

And when you submit this one to the Archive (like you're going to...right? <g>) your General Editor will do any necessary tidying up here and there. So it's not a major problem. smile


Very enjoyable. Thanks for sharing!

LabRat smile



Athos: If you'd told us what you were doing, we might have been able to plan this properly.
Aramis: Yes, sorry.
Athos: No, no, by all means, let's keep things suicidal.


The Musketeers
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since this is the first fic that I've actually bothered to write down I'm not really sure how to send it to the archives... blush I've read so many in the past couple of years but i don't have a clue how to send one to archive...

Superteen

Peace, Love, and all that stuff @};- :0)

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Oh, couldn't be easier, Superteen! smile

If you want to check out the submissions format here on the Archive website, that will give you the lowdown on what to do to prepare your story for submission.

Once you've got the story into the proper format, etc, just mail it to me at the eddress below and I'll take it from there.

Likewise, if you've any other questions on the format etc, just holler!

LabRat smile
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labrat@blueyonder.co.uk



Athos: If you'd told us what you were doing, we might have been able to plan this properly.
Aramis: Yes, sorry.
Athos: No, no, by all means, let's keep things suicidal.


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Well I think for a first fic this was really cute! Beta readers do help but the idea and creativity is already there. I hope we see more from you soon. Laura


Clark: “If we can be born in an instant, and die in an instant, why can’t we fall in love in an instant?”

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LOL, I enjoyed this! smile Thanks for sharing it.

Poor Clark, it never even occurred to him that she was talking about *him*... Thank heavens Lois got things straightened out in time wink I think my favorite part was when she was reminding herself to breathe <g>

PJ


"You told me you weren't like other men," she said, shaking her head at him when the storm of laughter had passed.
He grinned at her - a goofy, Clark Kent kind of a grin. "I have a gift for understatement."
"You can say that again," she told him.
"I have a...."
"Oh, shut up."

--Stardust, Caroline K
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Superteen

A great idea! smile1
I enjoyed it immensely.

Tricia cool

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Astonishing debut, Superteen!!! smile1

Cute too wink

I hope we hear more from you soon,

Jose smile1 (who has noticed that he has just quoted Luthor :rolleyes: )


"Practice up your shielding spells...and remember to duck if you see green light coming your way."

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Great story, Superteen! I like it very much. This confusion is so ironic, funny, interesting... works perfectly!! I can't find the words to describe what I felt reading it... you know, kinda like wanting to grab Lois and Clark's heads them and bang them on the wall... you know what I mean laugh

Quote
"Lois," Clark eyed her cautiously, "if you're in love with this guy then I don't really understand what I have to do with it. Or why you're *here* even. You should be with him tonight instead of being here telling me that you're in love with this guy."
You LUNKHEAD!! (Clark, I mean)

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"Because, you lunkhead!! You are the man I'm in love with!! And it would be stupid to go kissing some man that I wasn't in love with!!!"
At last!!!

Anyway, Superteen, keep writing and bring us more beautiful stories soon.
AnnaBtG.

P.S.:
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Keep in mind that I'm 15.
Me too. What's your point?


What we've got here is failure to communicate...
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I guess the point was that some people think that teenagers can barely get through writing a paper for school much less something not required... I think it really helps anyone write to have a subject that interests u greatly... like ummm... Lois and Clark... LOL

anyway I'm glad I'm not alone out there as a teenage fanfic writer...

Superteen

Peace, Love, and all that stuff @};- :0)

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I've heard that lots of places have that prejudice against younger writers... but around here we don't care how young or old you are as long as you can write a good story <g>

I have to believe that everyone improves with practice (otherwise, I've just wasted eight years of my life goofy ) but that's not especially related to a person's age. Anyway, glad you've taken the plunge!

PJ
who thinks your sig file is a hoot, too! laugh


"You told me you weren't like other men," she said, shaking her head at him when the storm of laughter had passed.
He grinned at her - a goofy, Clark Kent kind of a grin. "I have a gift for understatement."
"You can say that again," she told him.
"I have a...."
"Oh, shut up."

--Stardust, Caroline K
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Aww, very sweet, Superteen. I'm glad you finally wrote one of those stories in your head down and shared it with us! I think you'll find that it's quite addictive. goofy

A classic case of L&C talking at cross-purposes, each of them as clueless as the other -- Clark never expecting she's talking about him, and Lois assuming he *would* think she's talking about him!

Very cute. smile

Oh, and what Pam said -- we don't care how young or old anyone is around here, as long as they give us stories. smile

Welcome to the boards!

Kathy

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I have to ditto what others have said. It's a very good story on your first time out. I look forward to more stories from you.

These two always seem to make those assumptions about each other. And just before their assumptions screw up their relationship, you brought them back together in a nice, WAFFy way!


-- Roger

"The Constitution only gives people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself." -- Benjamin Franklin
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Cute, Superteen! goofy

Just keep writing!!


Wendy smile


Just a fly-by! *waves*
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Nice and cute story, Superteen. smile I'm glad that Clark kissed Lois goodbye and led them to realise there was a big misunderstanding... Lois came close to being as much a lunkhead as Clark smile1

And congratulations on posting your first fanfic! Hope to see lots more from you in the future. And as others have said, none of us care about your age as long as you give us that sort of lovely, waffy story to read. smile

Kaethel smile


- I'm your partner. I'm your friend.
- Is that what we are?
- Oh, you know what? I don't know what we are. We kiss and then we never talk about it. We nearly die frozen in each other's arms, but we never talk about it, so no, I got no clue what we are.

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I agree with the others, Superteen. Nice and sweet story. Very good for a first time.
smile1

You are going to write more now, right? thumbsup

Saskia


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Oh, THIS was your point... Don't worry about it. I've been around since February, constantly posting stories obviously worse than the other writers' ones, and no one ever thought to blame my age about it.

AnnaBtG. (hoping that this thing Pam said about improving when practicing is true)

P.S.:

Quote
I'll hug it and squeeze it and call it George.
laugh I like it.


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Cute story, Superteen, I really enjoyed it laugh .

Just a quick comment on the young fanfic writer thing . . . I posted my first L&C fanfic just before i turned 16 . . . don't tell anyone, but it was in 1996 wink . My first L&C story, I didn't even know that dialoge needed to be separated into different paragraphs! So I don't think you have anything to worry about being a young writer -- you either Annabtg laugh -- you are young and a non native speaker and your writing has definately improved by leaps and bounds in such a short time. It took me at least a year of writing to learn that dialogue goes in different paragraphs wink .

- LauraA laugh


Laura "The Yellow Dart" U. (Alicia U. on the archive)

"A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles." -- Christopher Reeve
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