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Top Banana
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It's definitely much awaited Beth.  But hang on, now rocks are last season, and flowers are back?! How's a guy supposed to keep up!  ) OMG, am I criticising your story? No way, that's not allowed 'cause I just love it so much! 
When Life Gives You Green Velvet Curtains, Make a Green Velvet Dress.
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Merriwether
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Merriwether
Joined: Jul 2006
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minute you start bringing dead bugs into my apartment, I’m locking my door  one of those wild, passionate, bruising kisses that feature largely in romance novels This is a nice bit of realism, a sideways acknowledgement that it shouldn't be like this in real life but for them, it is anyway! I should’ve told him then that my curveball was going to feel more like a massive blow to the head that would leave him seeing stars for weeks after. But I didn’t. Oh, now I'm really intrigued! I am dying to know how Jon finally came to grips with his powers! Lisa
lisa in the sky with diamonds
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Top Banana
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Top Banana
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AHHHH!! I love this story more and more. I can't wait to see how they work this our and I can't wait to find out more about both characters. You set up some juicy tidbits in this part. I can't wait to see you follow through.
Angry Clark: CLARK SMASH!
Lois: Ork!
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Boards Chief Administrator Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Boards Chief Administrator Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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I think I'll forgo quoting and just link to the story  <edit begin> The next part was posted in response to reading pt 4 with my brain lacking sleep. So just ignore it, our have fun reading the ramblings of a madman... <edit end> <rambling begin> A couple of observations: - In the opening lines, Jon was 6 and Ellie seemed to understand to not make a fuzz, so she should have been somewhere around three. That makes Jon 19-20, while Kaylie is already teaching, and not just at your run of the mill high school. So, how old is she? 23? - Ellie has been flying since she was 14-15? Going on patrol with her Dad since well before her 16th birthday? How did she manage that with overprotective Clark? - So now to the jucy parts. Kaylie has a thing tomorrow. Jon attends Ellie's birthday party tomorrow. So why are they going to end up the same event? a) An 18 year old Kaylie was babysitting an 11 year old Ellie, while a 14 year old Jon went out with his friends. Problem: did he really never meet his kid-sisters baby-sitter? b) Ellie managed to get herself into kaylie's class, the little pyro  Problem: She is Clark's daughter so that won't fly. c) Kaylie is teaching some other classes as well, and Ellie knows her that way. Problem: has Kaylie really so much spare time or so much need for money? d) Batgirl (or what-ever) is doing special appearances at teenage girl birthdays just for the fun of it. Problem: don't see that happening. Ok, I'm stumped. I only know, that tomorrow Jon will be in civies and Kaylie might be or not when they attend Ellie's birthday. <rambling end> Waiting for tomorrow (At least story-wise ) Michael
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Top Banana
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The bit in the ***'s is a flashback. So, if Ellie has already joined the 'family business', according to the story she'd be at least 20, making Jon 22ish+, if he was off to university when she was 16. Right?
Hey Beth, how about a bit of physical description of these two... what do they look like (or did I miss that bit somewhere?). I need to know if she's staring into green eyes or blue, if he's running his hands through blond hair or red?
When Life Gives You Green Velvet Curtains, Make a Green Velvet Dress.
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Boards Chief Administrator Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Boards Chief Administrator Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Originally posted by gr8shadesofElvis:
The bit in the ***'s is a flashback. So, if Ellie has already joined the 'family business', according to the story she'd be at least 20, making Jon 22ish+, if he was off to university when she was 16. Right? *duck* I guess I was a bit tired this morning to miss that detail. Thanks for pointing it out, gsoe Michael
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Features Writer
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Features Writer
Joined: Jan 2007
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Have you ever experienced that fantastic moment when you're working on a jigsaw puzzle, and you suddenly fit together two pieces that previously seemed impossible to match? You try them in every which way, and nothing works until suddenly with a twist of one and a turn of the other they plunk magically together in the exact way that they were originally cut.
That's the way that that kiss felt. It fit. The imagery here is great (as is so much of the imagery throughout your story). And I really like the interaction between Jon and Ellie. It's very cute and gives a really good glimpse of what Jon is like as a person.
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Top Banana
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Top Banana
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I was so confused by Darth_Michael's fdk that I had to go back and try to figure out if I had misread stuff... and no. I realized I hadn't. Everything you have written so far makes perfect sense. I guess he was just confused about the last flashback thinking it was present day when it was actually in the past. Phew... Thought I had missed something in there. 
Angry Clark: CLARK SMASH!
Lois: Ork!
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Columnist
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Columnist
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Ok, so I can see that the ages in my story are confusing some people, so I'll just spell it out here for anyone who wants to know. There is about two years difference between Ellie and Jon. I have Jon pegged at about 25 for the present narrative, so that makes Ellie 23. Kaylie falls somewhere in between the two. Let's just say she's 24 to make it simple. Hopefully this helps with understanding the story. Michael, I'm sorry I caused you so much confusion! I was going to put a reminder about the flashback format, but I forgot. You also mentioned that you doubted Kaylie would be taken on patrol woth Clark. I agree. But I do think that Clark would take her flying to all sorts of places as she was learning, especially because Jon (being resistant towards his superpowers) would have no interest in that. gr8shadesofElvis: From now on I will consult you about any new names before I post (Just kidding) I do like your idea of 'Jay' but that nickname won't work because... well, you'll see in a couple chapters. I don't want to spoil anything. After your comment about naming the kids after the Kent grandparents I'm almost afraid to post this but... The idea for "Ellie" is actually from (you guessed it!) Ellen Lane. I know that Ellen is rarely a popular character on these boards so if this ruins the story for anyone out there, just pretend you didn't read it. Thanks Jojo, Mrs Mosley, and anonpip for giving me such great FDK as always! It's good to know I've got you interested in these characters, and now all I have to worry about is resisting the temptation to go blabbling the whole story because I'm having so much fun writing and planning this.
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Top Banana
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Beth, I wrote something a bit nasty about Ellen in my original post (which maybe you saw), then it occurred to me she could be named after the House of El, so I deleted it. And that got me thinking that maybe her name could be Lara (I admit I like that one!) Ellen - as in L.E. Kent, so they call her Ellie. (Someone else has used Martha Ellen and called the character Emmy.) Or maybe, as in yet another fic, she was called Ellie in honour of where she was conceived - in that case it was an elevator. Lol! Anyone else get the impression I read way too many of these things!  PS: I love Ellen Lane - she's such a hoot! I just wouldn't want to name my child after someone like her. Now who's this Jay person? Tell me, I wanna knoooowwwwwww!!!
When Life Gives You Green Velvet Curtains, Make a Green Velvet Dress.
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: May 2003
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Just wanted to let you know that you had me hooked from part one, but that I was just too lazy to post feedback. So, for the future record, count me as an interested avid reader for this story... even if I forget to leave feedback. As to the story itself... I can't wait to see what's happenening next... will there be a meeting of Jon and Kaylie-in-a-secret-identity? or an all civvies one? What is Kaylie's big secret? You keep hinting... and I keep wanting to know... Well done so far... please post more soon. ~Sira.
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Boards Chief Administrator Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Boards Chief Administrator Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Originally posted by Beth S.:
Michael, I'm sorry I caused you so much confusion! I was going to put a reminder about the flashback format, but I forgot. No problem, I was just a little on the tired side Originally posted by Beth S.:
You also mentioned that you doubted Kaylie would be taken on patrol woth Clark. I agree. But I do think that Clark would take her flying to all sorts of places as she was learning, especially because Jon (being resistant towards his superpowers) would have no interest in that. That was actually just a result of me thinking Ellie is still 15 in main plot line. Michael
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
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Just adorable! Loved it. Laura (PS and I usually hate next gen fic)
Clark: “If we can be born in an instant, and die in an instant, why can’t we fall in love in an instant?”
Caroline's "Stardust"
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Columnist
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gr8shadesofElvis, I love your ideas of where Ellie got her name! It's true that I originally got the idea of Ellie from Ellen, but I had also recognized the connection to the house of El. Lara Ellen was something I had never thought of, and as for "ellie elevator" I remember reading that fic, but I say that that idea was in my head at the time I was writing this! Sira, thanks so much for posting feedback! I'm jut as bad as you when it comes to giving feedback for stories I like so I don't hold it against you. It is nice to know that you're are enjoying the story so far and that I have you interested in the mystery (cackles wickedly) Laura, I'm glad you're liking this story. I love next gen stories and so I'm glad that mine is making you change your opinion!
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