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FDK: From the Dark (1/?) #41287 04/02/07 11:29 AM
Joined: Dec 2005 Posts: 2,018 Portland, Oregon, USA F Framework4 OP Kerth
OP Framework4 Kerth F Joined: Dec 2005 Posts: 2,018 Portland, Oregon, USA	Interesting start. It seems like you have at least three timelines running? Quote The timeline of this story is slightly confusing at first. It starts out Here, which is in a modern day Metropolis, and flip-flops back and forth to There, which starts out a year prior and takes place in an alternate alternate Metropolis. May I suggest instead of Quote ~Here~ Quote ~There~ you could use something like [Timeline1 1996] and [Timeline2 1995] and [Timeline3 year?] Framework4

Re: FDK: From the Dark (1/?) #41288 04/02/07 02:52 PM
Joined: Aug 2005 Posts: 5,797 T TOC Nobel Peace Prize Winner
TOC Nobel Peace Prize Winner T Joined: Aug 2005 Posts: 5,797	Wow, this is an absolutely fascinating beginning. Just one of these mystery situations would be a great premise for a story. You have got two of them and are going to interweave them, I suppose. That's definitely like getting two stories for the price of one! I take it that the scary Metropolis that you placed Lois in is set in a universe haunted by the dark influence of a non-Clark Kent Superman. Let me guess that this Superman might be an unhappy, bitter sort of person, maybe like Batman, but equipped with superpowers to enforce his will on the world and shape it according to his moody wishes. Can Lois make this Superman fall in love with her? Well, duh. Every Lois can do that to Superman. But can she make him change his ways? Can she make him happy and hopeful? Can she turn him into a force for good? Now that is going to be absolutely fascinating to watch. As for Clark's universe, I was particularly moved by the way you wrote his dream of Lois. It was totally romantic and beautiful, totally heartwarming and totally chilling at the same time. Please come back with more soon!!! Ann

Re: FDK: From the Dark (1/?) #41289 04/02/07 03:38 PM
Joined: Jul 2006 Posts: 2,687 Montreal, Canada LaraMoon Pulitzer
LaraMoon Pulitzer Joined: Jul 2006 Posts: 2,687 Montreal, Canada	Finally getting around to rading the post. whew! hey, waitasecond, I'm getting thank you's? really? weeeeeee! (/me loves to be pestered with fic-related things. Million times better than merchants from Japan... lol) Quote The memory of her and her captor, and the unusual machine that he held her in, vanishing in a concussive force of flashing lights still caused Clark to bolt awake in a tangle of sweat-soaked sheets. He kept replaying that moment over and over again in his mind, cursing himself for not being fast enough when it had really counted, for getting there just a fraction of a second too late. sniffle poor Clarkie. So sad! Quote A year later, and he still hadn’t learned anything except for the fact that without Lois, he had no life. Superman: Why is it that good villains never die? Batman: Clark, what the hell are good villains? => Superman/Batman: Public Enemies

Re: FDK: From the Dark (1/?) #41290 04/02/07 07:27 PM
Joined: Apr 2004 Posts: 552 Davenport, IA Psychofurball Columnist
Psychofurball Columnist Joined: Apr 2004 Posts: 552 Davenport, IA	YAY!!!! You posted this story. And ...wait a minute? Doe's that mean you have more for me to read?<eg> I love this story. The whole thing is just beautifully written. Makes you suck in a breath and hold it. I love it. Can't wait to see you post the next part. Rach Me: what are you looking at Snatches pic OMFG! Dean smeared in peanut butter?! WTF?! Sara: LMAO it was chocolate!! smeared in chocolate! Me: LMFAO chocolate smeared in chocolate! Sara: LMAO the chocolate isn't smeared in chocolate! Me: that's the way i read it. was trying to picture chocolate smeared in chocolate Sara: ROTFLMAO

Re: FDK: From the Dark (1/?) #41291 04/03/07 12:23 AM
Joined: Jul 2006 Posts: 1,883 Florida M MrsMosley Merriwether
MrsMosley Merriwether M Joined: Jul 2006 Posts: 1,883 Florida	You've caught me. I'm hooked. Now you have to feed me MORE! I like the "here" and "there". And what's up with "Boy" and "Girl" while Perry still is called Perry? lisa in the sky with diamonds

Re: FDK: From the Dark (1/?) #41292 04/03/07 05:10 AM
Joined: Mar 2007 Posts: 252 Metropolis T The Little Tornado Hack from Nowheresville
The Little Tornado Hack from Nowheresville T Joined: Mar 2007 Posts: 252 Metropolis	Rebel warfare on the streets of a gotham like Metropolis.... I am so scared and confused now. I want to know what happens and what kind of glue you are going to use to fix these toys but I am dreading what will happen next. The Little Tornado. The Little Tornado is .... .... Marisa Wikramanayake Freelance Writer & Editor, Board Member of SoEWA and Writing WA http://www.marisa.com.au

Re: FDK: From the Dark (1/?) #41293 04/03/07 05:32 AM
Joined: Jan 2005 Posts: 77 Minnesota eminMN Freelance Reporter
eminMN Freelance Reporter Joined: Jan 2005 Posts: 77 Minnesota	Sorry I don't have time for proper feedback just now, but just wanted to jump in and say how much I enjoyed the start of this story. And the line: Quote ...the belief that the media was not only beating that dead horse, they were doing things to the corpse that were surely illegal in at least forty-seven states. Had me laughing out loud. Definitely reminds me of some of the coverage being given to recent celebrity news of the past couple of months. -Em "But my experience is that as soon as people are old enough to know better, they don't know anything at all." -Oscar Wilde, "Lady Windermere's Fan"

Re: FDK: From the Dark (1/?) #41294 04/03/07 07:07 AM
Joined: May 2006 Posts: 1,065 Los Angeles jojo_da_crow Top Banana
jojo_da_crow Top Banana Joined: May 2006 Posts: 1,065 Los Angeles	Interesting premise. It would help if you would give us some sort of indication of time jumps. It would make it a bit clearer to read. I'm hooked though and I can't wait to see where you take this. ^_^ Angry Clark: CLARK SMASH! Lois: Ork!

Re: FDK: From the Dark (1/?) #41295 04/03/07 07:20 AM
Joined: Apr 2003 Posts: 3,764 Southwest MO C carolm Pulitzer
carolm Pulitzer C Joined: Apr 2003 Posts: 3,764 Southwest MO	Ditto - I'm up for more!!! Carol ETA: I know that's weak fdk, but I read it yesterday, got sidetracked, had a really rough day, remembered I needed to leave fdk and that's all I got right now . Better next time? My articles Debt Free Blog: Normal is BROKE! Be Weird! - Under Construction

Re: FDK: From the Dark (1/?) #41296 04/04/07 07:51 AM
Joined: Jan 2007 Posts: 1,069 Georgia BJ Top Banana
BJ Top Banana Joined: Jan 2007 Posts: 1,069 Georgia	I like it so far. Like Ann said, it's like getting two for one. Quote “If I can’t go out with a bang, Herb, at least you can.” Tempus’ last and predictably smug words as he was dragged away tickled unpleasantly at the base of Lois’ skull, but she brushed them off as she climbed into the altered time machine. No, Lois, don't brush off those instincts. I think I already hate Tempus in this story. Quote The image of the kind old man pressing in on the mostly nondescript metal disc was the last one she had for several weeks, and the last she had of the old author. Oh, poor Herb. Quote The last thing he heard before losing all consciousness was her voice, surprisingly loud and clear against his ear. "What if you find me dead?" Oh, dear. So, maybe the 'Girl' Lois from the gothamesque alt-universe died (or as you put it, "only kinda sorta dead") and Tempus switched them around to torture Clark. Please return soon with more. BJ

Re: FDK: From the Dark (1/?) #41297 04/04/07 09:55 AM
Joined: Feb 2006 Posts: 833 Nothernish Georgia Catherine Bruce Features Writer
Catherine Bruce Features Writer Joined: Feb 2006 Posts: 833 Nothernish Georgia	I'm glad that yall seem to be enjoying this so far! I know I'm having fun writing it. Quote Originally posted by Framework4: Interesting start. It seems like you have at least three timelines running? May I suggest instead of Quote ~Here~ Quote ~There~ you could use something like [Timeline1 1996] and [Timeline2 1995] and [Timeline3 year?] There's only two timelines running at the moment. I don't think I'll do any more than that. I can hardly keep up with what I've got! As for the 'Timeline 1' etc, I wanted to do something that I haven't seen many people do. If it gets too confusing in later parts, I'll probably come up with something better, though. Quote Originally posted by TOC: Wow, this is an absolutely fascinating beginning. Just one of these mystery situations would be a great premise for a story. You have got two of them and are going to interweave them, I suppose. That's definitely like getting two stories for the price of one! I take it that the scary Metropolis that you placed Lois in is set in a universe haunted by the dark influence of a non-Clark Kent Superman. Let me guess that this Superman might be an unhappy, bitter sort of person, maybe like Batman, but equipped with superpowers to enforce his will on the world and shape it according to his moody wishes. Can Lois make this Superman fall in love with her? Well, duh. Every Lois can do that to Superman. But can she make him change his ways? Can she make him happy and hopeful? Can she turn him into a force for good? Now that is going to be absolutely fascinating to watch. As for Clark's universe, I was particularly moved by the way you wrote his dream of Lois. It was totally romantic and beautiful, totally heartwarming and totally chilling at the same time. Please come back with more soon!!! Ann Awesome! I'm glad the beginning snagged you up like that. You're correct for the most part, but 'There's Kalel isn't operating on his own. He was raised by someone, and is more a puppet than anything else. I'm hoping that Lois will be able to make him happy, or at least make him realize that he can be happy. And yes! Those were the reactions I was hoping the dream would cause. ^_^ Blah, quoting and unquoting hurts my head... LaraMoon: You've opened a can of worms, girly! Soon you'll be regretting you said that, bwahaha! (Er, hopefully not...) But yes, thankyous already! You said you would, afterall. Phew! I was kind of worried about the fishtank part. I don't know, it just didn't seem to write itself out very well... but I'm glad it did! Psychofurball: Yes, I posted! Bwaha! Sadly, I don't have much more written, yet... in fact, I have a lot of part 3 to write up still, but my brain's not cooperating with me! Woeness! MrsMosley: Weee! Glad to have you hooked! Not sure when the next part is coming out, but I think I'd better pace myself before I post too fast too soon and yall are forced to wait weeks (ormonths...) for the next bits! The Little Tornado: Glue? You mean, I'm gonna have to put them back together? Drat! (Just kidding! I plan on putting them back together, but several people are going to be missing pieces or have them rearranged...) I'm glad to see you're hooked, and hopefully you won't be afraid for too long. (Or should that be 'you WILL be afraid?' Hmmmm!) eminMN: No worries on the length of fdk, I just love to know that people are reading. And I know what you mean about the over exposure of celebrities and such! Almost makes me wish for illiteracy, but then I remember I wouldn't be able to write, either... jojo_da_crow: Sorry about the confusion in the time jumps. I'll have to sit down and figure out how to make it less confusing if it gets to be too confusing. And yes! Another one hooked! Wahoo! carolm: Aww! But I loved the fdk. Size doesn't matter, you know Awww, I hope your days have gotten better, though BJ: Yeah, Tempus is real evil. Not sure that he'll be making much more of an appearance, though. Eek! Looks as though I was slightly unclear on one thing: After the explosion of the time machine, Lois had lost her memories for three weeks. So, those first three weeks in the alt alt Metropolis are a blank to her. Will she get those memories back? I have no idear! I'm glad everyone seems to be enjoying so far, and hopefully I won't have to make yall wait too long between parts! ^_^ Mmm cheese. I vid, therefor I am. The hardest lesson is that love can be so fair to some, and so cruel to others. Even those who would be gods. Anne Shirley: I'm glad you spell your name with a "K." Katherine with a "K" is so much more alluring than Catherine with a "C." A "C" always looks so smug. Me: cries

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