FDK: From the Dark (1/?) - Lois & Clark Fanfic Message Boards

Interesting start. It seems like you have at least three timelines running?

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The timeline of this story is slightly confusing at first. It starts out Here, which is in a modern day Metropolis, and flip-flops back and forth to There, which starts out a year prior and takes place in an alternate alternate Metropolis.

May I suggest instead of

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~*Here*~

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~*There*~

you could use something like [Timeline1 1996] and [Timeline2 1995] and [Timeline3 year?]

Wow, this is an absolutely fascinating beginning. Just one of these mystery situations would be a great premise for a story. You have got two of them and are going to interweave them, I suppose. That's definitely like getting two stories for the price of one!

I take it that the scary Metropolis that you placed Lois in is set in a universe haunted by the dark influence of a non-Clark Kent Superman. Let me guess that this Superman might be an unhappy, bitter sort of person, maybe like Batman, but equipped with superpowers to enforce his will on the world and shape it according to his moody wishes. Can Lois make this Superman fall in love with her? Well, duh. Every Lois can do that to Superman. But can she make him change his ways? Can she make him happy and hopeful? Can she turn him into a force for good? Now that is going to be absolutely fascinating to watch.

As for Clark's universe, I was particularly moved by the way you wrote his dream of Lois. It was totally romantic and beautiful, totally heartwarming and totally chilling at the same time.

Please come back with more soon!!!

Ann

Finally getting around to rading the post. whew!

hey, waitasecond, I'm getting thank you's? really? weeeeeee!

(/me loves to be pestered with fic-related things. Million times better than merchants from Japan... *lol*)

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The memory of her and her captor, and the unusual machine that he held her in, vanishing in a concussive force of flashing lights still caused Clark to bolt awake in a tangle of sweat-soaked sheets. He kept replaying that moment over and over again in his mind, cursing himself for not being fast enough when it had really counted, for getting there just a fraction of a second too late.

*sniffle* poor Clarkie. So sad!

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A year later, and he still hadn’t learned anything except for the fact that without Lois, he had no life.

YAY!!!!

You posted this story. And ...wait a minute? Doe's that mean you have more for me to read?<eg>

I love this story. The whole thing is just beautifully written. Makes you suck in a breath and hold it. I love it. Can't wait to see you post the next part.

Rach

You've caught me. I'm hooked. Now you have to feed me MORE!

I like the "here" and "there". And what's up with "Boy" and "Girl" while Perry still is called Perry?

Rebel warfare on the streets of a gotham like Metropolis.... I am so scared and confused now. I want to know what happens and what kind of glue you are going to use to fix these toys but I am dreading what will happen next.

The Little Tornado.

Sorry I don't have time for proper feedback just now, but just wanted to jump in and say how much I enjoyed the start of this story. And the line:

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...the belief that the media was not only beating that dead horse, they were doing things to the corpse that were surely illegal in at least forty-seven states.

Had me laughing out loud. Definitely reminds me of some of the coverage being given to recent celebrity news of the past couple of months.

-Em

Interesting premise.

It would help if you would give us some sort of indication of time jumps. It would make it a bit clearer to read.

I'm hooked though and I can't wait to see where you take this. ^_^

Ditto - I'm up for more!!!
Carol

ETA: I know that's weak fdk, but I read it yesterday, got sidetracked, had a really rough day, remembered I needed to leave fdk and that's all I got right now

. Better next time?

I like it so far. Like Ann said, it's like getting two for one.

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“If I can’t go out with a bang, Herb, at least you can.” Tempus’ last and predictably smug words as he was dragged away tickled unpleasantly at the base of Lois’ skull, but she brushed them off as she climbed into the altered time machine.

No, Lois, don't brush off those instincts. I think I already hate Tempus in this story.

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The image of the kind old man pressing in on the mostly nondescript metal disc was the last one she had for several weeks, and the last she had of the old author.

Oh, poor Herb.

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The last thing he heard before losing all consciousness was her voice, surprisingly loud and clear against his ear.

"What if you find me dead?"

Oh, dear. So, maybe the 'Girl' Lois from the gothamesque alt-universe died (or as you put it, "only kinda sorta dead") and Tempus switched them around to torture Clark.

Please return soon with more.
BJ

I'm glad that yall seem to be enjoying this so far! I know I'm having fun writing it.

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Originally posted by Framework4:
Interesting start. It seems like you have at least three timelines running?

May I suggest instead of
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~*Here*~

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~*There*~
you could use something like [Timeline1 1996] and [Timeline2 1995] and [Timeline3 year?]

There's only two timelines running at the moment. I don't think I'll do any more than that. I can hardly keep up with what I've got! As for the 'Timeline 1' etc, I wanted to do something that I haven't seen many people do. If it gets too confusing in later parts, I'll probably come up with something better, though.

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Originally posted by TOC:
Wow, this is an absolutely fascinating beginning. Just one of these mystery situations would be a great premise for a story. You have got two of them and are going to interweave them, I suppose. That's definitely like getting two stories for the price of one!

I take it that the scary Metropolis that you placed Lois in is set in a universe haunted by the dark influence of a non-Clark Kent Superman. Let me guess that this Superman might be an unhappy, bitter sort of person, maybe like Batman, but equipped with superpowers to enforce his will on the world and shape it according to his moody wishes. Can Lois make this Superman fall in love with her? Well, duh. Every Lois can do that to Superman. But can she make him change his ways? Can she make him happy and hopeful? Can she turn him into a force for good? Now that is going to be absolutely fascinating to watch.

As for Clark's universe, I was particularly moved by the way you wrote his dream of Lois. It was totally romantic and beautiful, totally heartwarming and totally chilling at the same time.

Please come back with more soon!!!

Ann

Awesome! I'm glad the beginning snagged you up like that. You're correct for the most part, but 'There's Kalel isn't operating on his own. He was raised by someone, and is more a puppet than anything else. I'm hoping that Lois will be able to make him happy, or at least make him realize that he can be happy.

And yes! Those were the reactions I was hoping the dream would cause. ^_^

Blah, quoting and unquoting hurts my head...

LaraMoon: You've opened a can of worms, girly! Soon you'll be regretting you said that, bwahaha! (Er, hopefully not...) But yes, thankyous already! You said you would, afterall.

Phew! I was kind of worried about the fishtank part. I don't know, it just didn't seem to write itself out very well... but I'm glad it did!

Psychofurball: Yes, I posted! Bwaha! Sadly, I don't have much more written, yet... in fact, I have a lot of part 3 to write up still, but my brain's not cooperating with me! Woeness!

MrsMosley: Weee! Glad to have you hooked! Not sure when the next part is coming out, but I think I'd better pace myself before I post too fast too soon and yall are forced to wait weeks (ormonths...) for the next bits!

The Little Tornado: Glue? You mean, I'm gonna have to put them back together? Drat! (Just kidding! I plan on putting them back together, but several people are going to be missing pieces or have them rearranged...) I'm glad to see you're hooked, and hopefully you won't be afraid for too long. (Or should that be 'you WILL be afraid?' Hmmmm!)

eminMN: No worries on the length of fdk, I just love to know that people are reading. And I know what you mean about the over exposure of celebrities and such! Almost makes me wish for illiteracy, but then I remember I wouldn't be able to write, either...

jojo_da_crow: Sorry about the confusion in the time jumps. I'll have to sit down and figure out how to make it less confusing if it gets to be too confusing. And yes! Another one hooked! Wahoo!

carolm: Aww! But I loved the fdk. Size doesn't matter, you know

Awww, I hope your days have gotten better, though

BJ: Yeah, Tempus is real evil. Not sure that he'll be making much more of an appearance, though.

Eek! Looks as though I was slightly unclear on one thing: After the explosion of the time machine, Lois had lost her memories for three weeks. So, those first three weeks in the alt alt Metropolis are a blank to her. Will she get those memories back? I have no idear!

I'm glad everyone seems to be enjoying so far, and hopefully I won't have to make yall wait too long between parts! ^_^