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#38085 01/29/07 12:20 PM
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Merriwether
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Well, thanks, guys, for the opinions.

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Well, ML, it is a better epilogue, but only because you need to see Lois and Clark together.
You're right, Gerry. I absolutely need to see Lois and Clark together at the end. It lets me know that all is right in the universe laugh .

I think my favorite satirical bit is the comparision of these two passages:

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Besides, she had truly adored Lex's ability to forgive her for leaving him at the altar in spite of how she must have hurt him. A man like that would never abandon her the way Clark had.
And this one:

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"The woman made one mistake, Clark. One. And you managed to pay her back for it when you went to see her as Superman. And yet you still used it to push her out of your life. So much for that sympathetic, understanding guy you like to think you are."
Portraying Lex as the one who is able to forgive and Clark as the one who is unforgiving wink .

On the other hand, Kelly as the perfect woman is a satire, too. Still, we all know her - the woman whose personality changes when she's trying to snag a husband. And we sit back and look at her poor target and say, "He has no idea what he's getting himself into." (Or is that just me blush )

However, Kelly is that woman in the extreme. The woman who says 'H-E double toothpicks' is the woman who is slowly poisoning him with kryptonite. To me, that's satire.

ML wave


She was in such a good mood she let all the pedestrians in the crosswalk get to safety before taking off again.
- CC Aiken, The Late Great Lois Lane
#38086 01/29/07 03:52 PM
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Following is my personal opinion, and should not be taken as anything more than that.

I think the story stands on its own without the original epilogue. The altered one actually works better for me, since it allows a version of Lois to survive losing Clark forever and still find a large measure of happiness in life. When you send it to the archive, I strongly suggest using the second epilogue, or you can consider using the slight edit I have made in the last portion.

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Her face lit up in a slow smile. "I'm just glad you decided I was worth the wait."

"Me, too, Mayson. Believe me. Me too."
There. Doesn't that look even more interesting?


Life isn't a support system for writing. It's the other way around.

- Stephen King, from On Writing
#38087 01/29/07 04:18 PM
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LOL, Terry. But that, of course, misses the point of ML's story. smile

c.

#38088 01/29/07 04:39 PM
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I'm gonna throw my 2 cents in here. I read this story last night immediately after it was posted and let it digest overnight. I've read all the comments. Isn't this the way they ended "Dallas" with Bobby in the shower? And the Bob Newhart show (he woke with Suzanne Pleshette in bed with him instead of the woman that was his wife in the series - where they owned the B & B).

These types of stories take our imagination to a new level and then yank us back to the status quo - (i.e., it never really happened, but "what if" it had?)

Even though you told us that we could scroll down to the end to see the (implied) surprise ending, I didn't. I really bought into that you were going to kill off Clark and Lois was going to bring up his kids, only 1 of which was really his. And the irony - that the other child was fathered by Lois' deceased husband - was great.

I was half expecting that H.G. Wells would pop up and offer Lois a chance to go back in time to save Clark...

perhaps he could still show up and bring her to a world where Clark still exists and lost his Lois? (like Alt-Clark, where Lois was lost in the Congo)....

Anyway, I totally appreciate your wanting a happy ending....and in this world where true love seems to be a losing proposition for many, I love the idea that Lois and Clark are destined to have that type of love that transends time and space....

So...after all that...ML, you're the author. Feedback is good, but ultimately you make the decision. Either way, we'll always read what you write!! That's a promise!


Chris

"Together we are stronger than each of us is apart"
#38089 01/29/07 05:48 PM
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I'm just getting started, but I wanted to comment on this one right away.

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She had, on the other hand, seen Superman since her marriage. Often their mutual presence was required at the same fundraisers.
Why is it with all the Lois Luthor stories I've ever read, you're the first one who's ever thought of this? It never crossed my mind, that's for sure.

Also, that's the best back-story for why Lois would marry Lex that I've ever met.

I'll add more as I read more.

Elisabeth

#38090 01/29/07 05:55 PM
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Love the alternative, Terry laugh . Don't suspect I'll use it (even if part of me has to admit I'm tempted wink ). But thanks for the laugh.

And thanks for the comments, Chris. I realize that it's my decision, but I'm really not sure what I'm going to do.

At this point, I'm not even entirely certain I'm going to send it to the archives. So at least for now, anyone who wants no epilogue should just ignore the one provided. Anyone who wants my original epilogue should use it. And anyone who likes my revised epilogue should just use that (How's that for diplomatic laugh ).

Me, I need my Lois and Clark. My universe tilts over funny when something happens to them wink .

ML wave


She was in such a good mood she let all the pedestrians in the crosswalk get to safety before taking off again.
- CC Aiken, The Late Great Lois Lane
#38091 01/29/07 06:05 PM
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Hey ML,

That certainly was interesting. I'm glad that CJ was "super" and that Lois found happiness. But I suppose I liked it even better when Clark woke up from his nightmare!

Thanks for sharing your imagination with us!
Write on! smile1
Anne

#38092 01/29/07 07:43 PM
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ML, whatever you do, you must upload this to the Archive!!!!!

Ann

#38093 01/29/07 07:49 PM
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I think I could live with this as a compromise. What do you guys think?
smile1 thumbsup hyper : clap
=========================

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I absolutely need to see Lois and Clark together at the end.
I do agree, I like seeing them together. One of the reasons why I hardly ever watch Smallville anymore, and only watched SR twice.

But the story was so strong, and it worked. It left one with a sense of the whole. But I do like the 2nd epilogue.
clap

Patrick


Framework4
#38094 01/30/07 02:08 AM
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~~Even heroes have the right to dream.~~
#38095 01/30/07 05:12 AM
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If this was meant as satire, I obviously read it wrong. I skipped the warnings on the top, so I wasn't expecting anything in particular; maybe that would have clued me in. There was irony in spades, but I still don't see it as satire. It seemed a lot more like a tragedy to me.

Oh, well.

PJ


"You told me you weren't like other men," she said, shaking her head at him when the storm of laughter had passed.
He grinned at her - a goofy, Clark Kent kind of a grin. "I have a gift for understatement."
"You can say that again," she told him.
"I have a...."
"Oh, shut up."

--Stardust, Caroline K
#38096 01/30/07 06:31 AM
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First, didn't Carol already say in the Clark Moves on Thread in the fanfic related forum that she'd made a mistake about your quote, Cassandra? I don't think you have anything to worry about there.

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So you did write because of that other fic
I didn't write this story because of any one fic. I wrote it because after reading the thread in the fanfic related forum, I got the impression that there had been a spade of Clark moves on fics (unless I misunderstood - which, knowing me is entirely possible blush ). I wrote it because, as you might recall, I made a certain threat to correct the imbalance laugh ). In fact, I think the last Clark moves on fic that I read was Butterfly Legacy (years ago). And in that one, Clark goes back to Lois in the end. I wrote it to correct what I saw as an imbalance. If there is no imbalance and there really is only one story out there where Clark moves on, then I was under a misimpression blush .

Oh well. If there is only one Clark moves on fic, then I guess one Lois moves on fic sets things back in order wink

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If this was meant as satire, I obviously read it wrong.
Don't worry too much about it, Pam. As I told Carol yesterday, I think my satire suffers in translation. I'm much more satirical in person laugh .

ML wave


She was in such a good mood she let all the pedestrians in the crosswalk get to safety before taking off again.
- CC Aiken, The Late Great Lois Lane
#38097 01/30/07 07:00 AM
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First, didn't Carol already say in the Clark Moves on Thread in the fanfic related forum that she'd made a mistake about your quote, Cassandra?
It’s Classicalla. Yes, she did. I did say I was initially ‘blamed’ for the quote.

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I wrote it because after reading the thread in the fanfic related forum, I got the impression that there had been a spade of Clark moves on fics
Well, you know at the time, I thought so, too, but now that I rethink that, I’m not so sure. I can only really think of two. But that doesn’t mean anything.

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If there is no imbalance and there really is only one story out there where Clark moves on, then I was under a misimpression
I was referring specifically to the fic which had feedback in it that started the whole moving on thread.

Anyway, this was a great fic.


~~Even heroes have the right to dream.~~
#38098 01/30/07 08:05 AM
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I enjoyed this. I was suspicious of Kelly almost from the start, but I think it's just because I really don't want to see Clark with anyone but Lois. But I never suspected all sorts of hidden agendas and feelings on her part - everything with Lex and Trask took me completely by surprise.

And the fact that it was too late to save Clark. whinging whinging I wasn't expecting that either! I was sure that even though it was horrifically close, that the kryptonite wouldn't quite kill him. mecry

I think I would personally prefer the story without the epilogue, but I understand perfectly your need for one. And for me your epilogue rewrite works better than the first one, so I hope you will include it as an option if you post it to the Archives.

Since I'm not up-to-date on my reading, I haven't seen a spate of "Clark and/or Lois moving on" stories recently, but perhaps some have slipped by me. Of course, two or three stories do not portend a long-lived future trend. If so, then we'll also have to worry that there will never be any TOGoM stories ever again, since there were none within the past year. wink

But no matter how much angst we, as writers and/or readers, may want to put Clark and Lois through, I think we all want to see them come out triumphant and together at the end of almost every story...if not every story.

Kathy


"Our thoughts form the universe. They always matter." - Babylon 5
#38099 01/30/07 09:19 AM
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Wow, what a story! This was awesome, especially the double irony of Clark not getting Lois and Lois not getting Clark. And the way Clark begs Lois to take care of his children - it was so totally heart-wrenching.

Still, I would recommend that fic because it's well-written and all. But I could have done without the epilogue.


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light is the office grapevine. (from Nan's fabulous Home series)
#38100 01/30/07 12:48 PM
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ML, thanks for taking my suggestion in the spirit in which it was intended. I meant no criticism towards yourself, your story, or your original epilogue. This was and is your story. You write it the way you want it to be. And I think you should send it to the archives with any explanatory text you might want to add.

Having said that (and having meant it), my opinion is still that the piece stands on its own without the need of any epilogue. The drama of Lois overcoming all that heartache and mental torture is greatly reduced if she didn't actually do all that in some alternate reality. You've given us a wonderful Lois, one who overcomes all kinds of mistakes and stupidity to end up with a man who loves her and not her money, a family who support her and love her unconditionally, and the continuing legacy of Superman.

I liked your story. You're an excellent writer, and I hope to read more offerings from you in the future. I can't promise to love every word, but I will promise to give every word a chance.

And you stick to your guns, you hear? Not everyone likes everything. That's why we have ninety-eleven kinds of fast food and sandwich shops popping up all over the place. You write what you want to write. And thank you for writing this.


Life isn't a support system for writing. It's the other way around.

- Stephen King, from On Writing
#38101 01/30/07 04:40 PM
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Thanks for your comments, Kathy, Olympe and Terry. I appreciate them.

As for the epilogue... part of me still thinks that the original epilogue is the right choice. I put you through all that emotional angst only to tell you at the end that I'm just kidding laugh . (Okay, I admit it. I have an evil side wave


She was in such a good mood she let all the pedestrians in the crosswalk get to safety before taking off again.
- CC Aiken, The Late Great Lois Lane
#38102 01/30/07 04:40 PM
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Oh, wow! this was so beautiful. I'm barely able to form coherent thoughts here, let alone write some decent feedback, but, oh! I absolutely LOVED this story. smile Thanks for sharing it with us.


Superman: Why is it that good villains never die?
Batman: Clark, what the hell are good villains?
=> Superman/Batman: Public Enemies
#38103 01/30/07 06:01 PM
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Still feel like I'm just getting started, but I'm posting fdbk as I go.

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Lois hesitated. If it was Clark's Kelly, and if something untoward had been going on between Kelly and Lex, she wasn't sure she wanted to know. Still, she found herself nodding.
Boy, that has a yuck factor I just didn't see coming.

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She leaned her head against the back of the couch as she continued to watch him. "Well, as your employer, I know how much money you make."

"And?" David asked, looking slightly suspicious now.

"Well, knowing that, I know you could afford to take me there for supper tomorrow night."

David suddenly sat up straighter. "As in... a date?" he asked, licking his lips nervously.

"Why, Mr. Wright, are you asking me out?"

"Uhh... Yeah! Yeah. Definitely."

Lois laughed in delight at his contagious excitement. "In that case, I accept," Lois said shyly, reaching down and picking up the paper, trying to look cool as she recommenced staring at the words on the page in front of her. Still, she could do nothing to stop the excitement that was making her stomach turn back flips. Nor could she help but realize that David was now the one watching her, a silly grin pulling at the corners of his mouth.
Nice little exchange. Sweet and cute.

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"What is it?" Lois asked, even as her eyes began skimming the page.

"A change of name. It seems Kelly Kay Labonne used to be..."

"Kelly Kay Trask," Lois said.
Oh, yeah. A definate yuck. Of course, I didn't like her the moment I found out she didn't bfeed. wink

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She wasn't entirely sure why that was such a shock. Of course, Lex would have been experimenting with ways to kill the clone. After all, he had to be certain he had a way to stop the clone if he got out of hand. And one thing about Lex, he was thorough. That was the only way he could have covered up his criminal endeavors as long as he had.
Of course, he did. So why haven't I thought of that before? And why haven't I read that in any other fic?

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"You were such an easy mark, Clark. It didn't take much research for me to figure out exactly what type of woman you would want - the same type of woman every man wants deep down inside. Submissive. Nurturing. A great cook. A great homemaker. A virgin. Of course, that one was a little more difficult. Did you know that all it takes is a simple operation to restore that to a woman? And you fell for it. Hook, line and sinker.
You have a way of making my skin crawl like no one else can. Yuck. This is the worst villain I've read in eons.

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Odd. She'd known every crack and crevice of Clark's old apartment, every lump in Clark's old couch and every place where the floor boards creaked when one stepped on them. And now... she didn't even know where he lived.
What a poetic description of where there friendship has gone.

Elisabeth

#38104 01/31/07 07:12 AM
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Thanks for the feedback, Lara and Elisabeth. I'm glad that you enjoyed the story.

ML wave


She was in such a good mood she let all the pedestrians in the crosswalk get to safety before taking off again.
- CC Aiken, The Late Great Lois Lane
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