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Top Banana
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OP
Top Banana
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Posts: 1,437 |
This is the feedback thread for my story, The Setup . Enjoy!
"You take turns, advise and protect one another, even heal or be healed when the going gets too tough. I know! That's not a game--that's friendship!" ~Shelly Mezzanoble, Confessions of a Part-Time Sorceress: A Girl's Guide to the Dungeons & Dragons Game Darcy\'s Place
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Merriwether
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Merriwether
Joined: Dec 2004
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Very nicely written.  Even though Dan's not such a bad guy, I still don't like him.  Jackie
Superman: I hear you've been looking for me.
Lois: All my life.
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Top Banana
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OP
Top Banana
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Thanks, Jackie!
I'm kind of on the fence about Dan myself, but when I saw the challenge, I just HAD to write it with the Scardino angle.
"You take turns, advise and protect one another, even heal or be healed when the going gets too tough. I know! That's not a game--that's friendship!" ~Shelly Mezzanoble, Confessions of a Part-Time Sorceress: A Girl's Guide to the Dungeons & Dragons Game Darcy\'s Place
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Kerth
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Kerth
Joined: Dec 2005
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Delightful!! I’ve had a pissing contest with Superman It might be an setup but it is still great fun. I had some friends who used to clean several branches of a local bank. Since the vault is closed the bank manager might be willing to do it. Esp if you make the manager female. His eyes nearly popped out of his head as the brown blur turned red and blue, and his jaw hit the floor when the other man stopped spinning. Love it.  But then, once I had typed up that last scene, I realized that the story seemed complete as it was, and didn’t really need that one final bow in the plot. What do you think? Works for me. I kinda picture Clark running off to a rescue just as Scardino arrives and as Lois begins to rant Scardino, knowing what is up and having a hard time not defending Clark and an even harder time not telling her about Superman runs off himself muttering something about his . This shuts down her rant and she stares speechless as it hits her, her plan had backfired, Clark has somehow infected Scardino with his running away disease.
Framework4
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Glad you approve, Framework4! And that is a funny idea about Scardino getting "infected" with Clark's running off-ness.
Thanks for the comments!
"You take turns, advise and protect one another, even heal or be healed when the going gets too tough. I know! That's not a game--that's friendship!" ~Shelly Mezzanoble, Confessions of a Part-Time Sorceress: A Girl's Guide to the Dungeons & Dragons Game Darcy\'s Place
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Kerth
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Kerth
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And if we want to see a really really P.O.ed Lois Lane picture a world where Clark told Scardino and Drake, and Jack already knows from Season One, add in Perry and Lana and... The old saying is "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned", well I think NOTHING could compare to the fury of a Lois Lane left out of the Loop.  Lois 
Framework4
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Top Banana
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Haha! Right you are! Like I said in the fic, only two things had the power to kill Clark: Kryptonite and Lois Lane--and he was more likely to survive the Kryptonite.
"You take turns, advise and protect one another, even heal or be healed when the going gets too tough. I know! That's not a game--that's friendship!" ~Shelly Mezzanoble, Confessions of a Part-Time Sorceress: A Girl's Guide to the Dungeons & Dragons Game Darcy\'s Place
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Jun 2006
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Great story! But surely you aren't going to just end it like you did, are you? Dan Scardino is a skunk and I can see him telling Lois all.... 
~~Even heroes have the right to dream.~~
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Top Banana
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I don't think Scardino's all that bad a guy, myself. He saw certain facts one way, and happened to be wrong. I think he's also still trying to get over Jenna, and kind of projecting that on Lois.
And yes, that is the end of the fic. I figure, by this point, Scardino's decided it's time to bow out gracefully, and just be friends with Lois (and probably Clark as well, now that he knows he's not mistreating Lois like he thought).
Thanks for the comments!
"You take turns, advise and protect one another, even heal or be healed when the going gets too tough. I know! That's not a game--that's friendship!" ~Shelly Mezzanoble, Confessions of a Part-Time Sorceress: A Girl's Guide to the Dungeons & Dragons Game Darcy\'s Place
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Jun 2006
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It's never too dark to be cool. 
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
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Ha! Great story. Nice new angle with all kinds of possibilities. I love your vignettes. I'm sure you could do another one or two (or maybe more) based on the new storyline you've created here. Good job and keep 'em coming!  -- MR
Smile and the world smiles with you ... frown and you're just giving yourself wrinkles.
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Top Banana
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Top Banana
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This story is definitely a stand-alone. But I'm glad you like it.
"You take turns, advise and protect one another, even heal or be healed when the going gets too tough. I know! That's not a game--that's friendship!" ~Shelly Mezzanoble, Confessions of a Part-Time Sorceress: A Girl's Guide to the Dungeons & Dragons Game Darcy\'s Place
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
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Wow this is an intersting twist. Very interseting indeed. Looking forward to more. Laura
Clark: “If we can be born in an instant, and die in an instant, why can’t we fall in love in an instant?”
Caroline's "Stardust"
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Top Banana
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Top Banana
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Thanks, Laura. But this is definitely a stand-alone story, and it's finished.
"You take turns, advise and protect one another, even heal or be healed when the going gets too tough. I know! That's not a game--that's friendship!" ~Shelly Mezzanoble, Confessions of a Part-Time Sorceress: A Girl's Guide to the Dungeons & Dragons Game Darcy\'s Place
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Columnist
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Columnist
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Engaging and interesting. I liked it a lot!
Silence is violence. End white supremacy based violence
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Top Banana
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Top Banana
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"You take turns, advise and protect one another, even heal or be healed when the going gets too tough. I know! That's not a game--that's friendship!" ~Shelly Mezzanoble, Confessions of a Part-Time Sorceress: A Girl's Guide to the Dungeons & Dragons Game Darcy\'s Place
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Merriwether
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Merriwether
Joined: Jun 2003
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Oops! I read it yesterday and neversaid anything. I enjoyed it!! 
I've converted to lurk-ism... hopefully only temporary.
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Top Banana
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Top Banana
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Better late than never, SuperRoo. Glad you enjoyed it!
"You take turns, advise and protect one another, even heal or be healed when the going gets too tough. I know! That's not a game--that's friendship!" ~Shelly Mezzanoble, Confessions of a Part-Time Sorceress: A Girl's Guide to the Dungeons & Dragons Game Darcy\'s Place
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Randomly stumbled on this somehow, had to comment on how funny it is. And I like that you left it open-ended. I'm now picturing Scardino turning his skills to annoy Clark into nagging about telling Lois. And if Dan thought Lois was pissed when he wouldn't talk to her about work, he can't even imagine what it'll be like if he lets slip that he knows something about Clark that she doesn't! 
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Top Banana
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Top Banana
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Glad you enjoyed it, Colleen! Thanks for the feedback.
"You take turns, advise and protect one another, even heal or be healed when the going gets too tough. I know! That's not a game--that's friendship!" ~Shelly Mezzanoble, Confessions of a Part-Time Sorceress: A Girl's Guide to the Dungeons & Dragons Game Darcy\'s Place
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