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The Gripe Sheet

Marns, those were funny. I was laughing right along with L&C.


Sheila Harper
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Thanks, Sheila, for taking the time to give feedback, and I'm delighted that you enjoyed the story. I had a lot of fun writing it. smile

Yvonne

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New feedback post from me since I've been gone and we went through the process of hooking up DSL (AARGH!) but it works great and I'm babbling, which brings me to a great way to stop babbling in
KISS OFF! Erin and CC you did a great job on that! No one can describe a scene briefly and get to the heart of it like CC! And it was a great plot. Just how much does Perry know, hmmm?, he and Jimmy were whispering in his office! Oh man, one of the best revelation stories I've read. When you can post this, it will be on my Kerth list for sure. You two need to write some more together! notworthy sloppy

Super Who - great challenge story from Wendy and a brilliant solution by Tank! Inspired! I laughed when the scissors came out!

jump hail
Artemis


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If at first you don't succeed... by ML Thompson

I have read this great story two weeks ago, but only now I'm able to find some time to post my comment, mostly because I made a comment-during-reading sort of thing, so few words of praise have become a very long post. I loved this story, it's another great work of a very talented author, her use of the "Twas the night before Mxymas" ' plot is fabulous, and a great idea is setting the story early in season one, when Clark is still trying to understand what being a superhero means, and his relationship with Lois is at the beginning.
I especially love her ability to insert humour in dramatic situation:

Quote
Clark let out a slow breath when she closed the door to the conference room and gestured him to a chair. He remained standing. It hadn't worked telling her about the time loop as Clark. But Superman... Surely she would believe if Superman told her about the time loop.
* * * * * * * * *
Okay, so maybe he was wrong, Superman thought as he stood in his padded room
Clark is in a difficult situation, days are repeating, nobody but him knows it, and Lois thinks he's crazy; but a quick smile can mitigated the despair in the story.

As I was reading, I continued to write down my comments and thoughts; I'll try to re-write them here, quoting the parts I loved the most:

S

P

O

I

L

E

R


S

P

A

C

E


Quote
"So you saw Clark?" she asked.
"Yes."
"Did he seem all right to you?"
He was caught off guard by the question. She actually sounded concerned about Clark. "He seemed fine. Why?" He hadn't been able to help asking.
"He's just been acting... I don't know. I guess I'm just worried about him."
Suddenly he wondered if he'd discounted an obvious way of getting her help without having her lock him up. "Well... If I tell you something, you can't say anything."
"I promise," Lois instantly responded.
"He did say something to me." This way if she suggested locking Clark up, Superman could talk her out of it.
This is probably a turning point, where Superman asks Lois's help, but she is the one who'd be able to break the time circle, with her concern for Clark.


Quote
"I'm just not... I know I'll probably hate myself in the morning, but I'm not... I mean, I'm crazy about you. You have to know that. But there's someone... I'm just not ready yet."
Clark closed his eyes. 'There's someone... I'm just not ready.' Obviously she was in conflict between her feelings for him and someone else. An old boyfriend maybe? Probably.
Again Lois is unconsciously trying to break the time loop, and that invisible bond which connects her to Clark is becoming more evident. Obviously, Clark is a lunkhead, and he thinks that "someone" means "someone else"!


Quote
He suddenly wondered what would happen if... Without worrying about the consequences - after all, there were no consequences - he pulled Lois into his arms, seizing her lips with his. For a moment, there was no reaction. And then he felt it. Her hands slipped up his chest and around his neck even as her lips softened under his. He followed the first kiss with a second, slipping his tongue into her slightly open mouth, desperate to connect with her as Clark. It was a good ten minutes before he pulled back.
Lois stumbled out of his arms, fighting to regain her balance.
"Lois, I..."
YAY! My first thought: Lois and Clark's kiss feels right, much more than Lois and Superman's one; perhaps now they are going to work together... or she'll slap him. :rolleyes:

Quote
Her hand suddenly landed hard across his face.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" she demanded.
Okay, but she has responded to his kiss! Mmmm, promising!


Quote
Rolling over, he looked through the wall and door to see Lois standing outside. What was she doing here? For a moment, he was tempted to answer. Then he decided against it. What was the point? He didn't particularly want to talk to her.
"Clark, are you in there?"
Stubbornly, he rolled back over and closed his eyes. A minute or so later, he heard strange noises coming from outside the door. Unable to resist the curiosity, he glanced again at the door just in time to see Lois break in, carrying a brown paper bag.
"Hello? Anyone home?" she called from the living room, even as she commenced her descent towards his bedroom. He quickly put on his glasses.
"What are you doing here?" he asked when she appeared in the doorway to his room.
"Well, when you didn't come in today... I asked Perry. He said you didn't even call. Didn't you know you're supposed to call if you're sick?"
Very promising!


Quote
He gave his head a shake, making his way to the cupboard to pull out a pot. "I can take it from here. I'm sure you must have somewhere you need to be."
"No."
Clark stopped in mid-motion, looking at Lois. The Superman auction was tonight. So what was she doing here?
Perhaps we have the Waffy Moment of this story! Lois, early in season one, cares more about Clark than Superman auction! This is true love!


Quote
In other news, Radio Italia has announced today that the Leaning Tower of Pisa is no longer leaning. That's right, folks. No one knows how, but apparently someone came in and straightened it. Italian officials are..."
eek Ehi! Hands off the tower! I'm practically born under the Tower of Pisa! Yes, It's true! If you are at the top of the tower, looking towards the sea, at your left you have a group of buildings surrounded by gardens: these are S. Chiara Hospitals and I was born there! So you cannot mess with my tower! :p
Ok, ok, I'm kidding! wink Seriously, this is a sore point: too many people have had a hand in it during this last fifteen years, trying to straighten it a little; after underground infiltrations, steel cables, armours, it's miraculous that the poor tower is still here! We can be very possessive of our Torre and our Piazza dei Miracoli!

Finally: Cla-ark? Hoo hoo? Strangest things are happening all around the world, don't you think you should have to investigate the causes? Well, I know by now you've almost completely lost hope for tomorrow, and you are totally upset, but still... Okay, yes, I wouldn't care about it too. Poor Clark.


Quote
"Nothing. Look, Lois, come out with me tonight. Call it a date. Call it a trial date. Call it... friends having dinner. Call it anything you like. But just agree to spend some time with me."
She continued to watch him for a moment, as if looking for the angle. "Okay," she finally said, her voice taking on a slightly shy tone.
You could almost hear me saying "Better and better!" at this point! smile1


Quote
"Clark, what are you doing?"
Clark turned towards her from where he'd stepped away from the protection of the building while they waited for their cab to stand, hands outstretched, looking up as the rain poured down around him. If there was one thing the time loop had taught him, it was to appreciate the moment. After all, that was all there was. He lowered his hands as the rain ran unheeded down his face. The door opened and two more patrons stepped outside, pulling up collars and taking out an umbrella before they dashed together towards a nearby car.
The door behind them slowly closed, allowing Lois and Clark hear the soft melody coming from inside. Clark suddenly smiled.
"Dance with me, Lois."
Awwwww, dancing in the rain... Lois has a good voice, she could sing! It doesn't matter if the rain is damaging my dress, destroying my expensive new shoes, and messing my make-up, I'm dancing with Clark!


Quote
"Well, here we are." Lois removed her keys and began unlocking her door. Once it was open, she turned towards him. "Would you like to come in? We could open a bottle of wine." Her voice trembled slightly as if she was unsure how her offer might be received.
"It's getting late, Lois. I really should..." He gestured in the direction of the stairs.
"Oh, of course," Lois said immediately, feigning an air of indifference. "Yeah, I shouldn't have even..." Her voice trailed off.
"Goodnight, Lois," Clark said, turning away before he could change his mind and walking towards the stairs.
I can not believe it! He's protecting his heart, but still... Poor Lois, she'll remember nothing in two days, but now she's hurt! Poor poor Lois, poor Clark. I don't know how you are going to solve this mess, even if, thanks to Wendy's beautiful trailer, I know the causes.


Quote
And so to find myself standing on that platform, time and time again..."
He closed his eyes and drew in a long slow breath. Her hand on his cheek caused him to look up. She'd left her position of safety against the wall to approach him and there were tears in her eyes.
"I'm sorry, Clark," she said softly.
"It's not your fault, Lois. It's just the way things are." He looked away.
"No. No, Clark." Her hand went under his chin so that he was forced to look back at her. "I don't accept that this is the way things are. And I can't believe you would either. Together we will find a way to stop this bounce."
YES! Now that they are working together, everything will be right in the world (including Canadian Prime Minister' clothes, Mount Rushmore' faces, and my tower!


Quote
Finally, there was the way Lois kept stealing shy looks at him. Every time he'd catch her watching him over the top of her coffee cup or from behind her computer monitor, his heart would race. It was not the look she normally gave Superman. Nor was it the way she had always looked at Clark. It was something new and although he wasn't entirely sure how to interpret it and knew that shortly the look would be gone, for the first time in what felt like months, he had hope for the future.
Finally, he's feeling hope again! But what is Lois feeling? Probably she's upset thinking that if they don't succeed during this time loop, she'll lose her new discovered feelings for Clark!


Quote
Lois wasn't entirely certain how she ended up sitting outside the same restaurant she had passed the previous night. El Tambo del Oro. But when she'd left work, the car had just seemed to drive itself there. Pulling off to the side of the road, she sat, staring at the front entrance for a long time, trying to figure out what it was about the place that seemed to call to her.
Finally, unable to stand not knowing what it was that felt so familiar about this place, what felt so good about this place, she got out of the car and walked across the street. She was surprised to discover that her pulse rate rose when she was again standing in front of the door.
Please Lois, enter inside this restaurant! You will know what is drawing you there, you'll feel the wonderful new sensations you had discovered with Clark!


Quote
"Dance with me, Clark."
Yes! You're not going to start again the time loop now, are you?

Quote
"I just think... I hate to say this, but I think we should wait until the next loop. Then you can put this plan into action."
Noooo! You're killing me here! frown


Quote
Her grip tightened as she placed her lips next to his ear. "The person who stopped me from making love to Superman was you."
So, so sweet, and heartbreaking! We know it, obviously, but I really didn't see her revelation coming!


Quote
She unexpectedly felt slightly rattled. Still, she pushed on. This was important. For a reason she couldn't put into words, she was not willing to wait another day. "You know, Clark. I've been thinking. There's this Spanish restaurant I've been dying to try. And I was sort of wondering... Well, would you like to go with me?" She felt heat rise in her cheeks. Still, it was out there now. She waited nervously for his response.
"I'd love to, Lois," Clark said.
She met his smile with her own, suddenly knowing in her gut that everything was going to work out.
W O N D E R F U L ! I'd like to think she'll remember everything she saw, and heard, and felt during the time loops, even if we'll never know for sure!

I loved your great story, ML, you could keep me captivated from the beginning to the end; thank you for a very nice moment!
notworthy notworthy notworthy


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Thanks for your kind words, Simona. I'm glad you enjoyed the story. It was a fun one to write.

Quote
I'd like to think she'll remember everything she saw, and heard, and felt during the time loops, even if we'll never know for sure!
Well, I'm not entirely sure that you'll never know what happens next. I do have an idea for a possible sequel. Of course, there is no point writing it until after the year is up for posting. But then... maybe, maybe. laugh

As far as the DVD is concerned, I haven't had a chance to do much more than glance at it. But hearing about all the great stories, I have to admit, I am looking forward to it.

ML wave


She was in such a good mood she let all the pedestrians in the crosswalk get to safety before taking off again.
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Thanks Sheila, glad you enjoyed it smile

keep penning,
Marns AKA Bumpkin
~pobody's Nerfect


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"Will You Still Love Me?" - great job, Jenni! I really enjoyed the twist on the standard timeline. Very enjoyable!
"If at First You Don't Succeed..." Simona said most of it, but it was a great ride ML. I'd look forward to a sequel. That old Myx is a devil!
Sorry I'm not reading WHAMs at this point. I appreciate the warning label.
regards all
Artemis


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Hi,

Thanks to everyone who has posted fdk on 'Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?'. It is much appreciated.

Oh, and JenniJac, thank you for the trailer... it was appreciated too. wink

I still haven't found much time to read many stories because I'm too busy trying to write, but I will be back later with fdk. smile

Yours Jenni

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Jenni, I'm still working my way through the DVD. I sneaked a peak at Will You Still Love Me? and it looks pretty good. I'm going to read it when I can squeeze in a little time -- probably after Mom is in bed.

Nan


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I have to apologise for my tardiness, too. It seems that since I got the DVD in my hot little paws, that was the signal for the universe to dump all kinds of urgent projects on me. :p

But I haven't forgotten and I'm keen to get started on reading/watching/offering up fdk.

Hmmmmmm. Might be just the project for a (so the forecast promises) rainy weekend...

LabRat smile



Athos: If you'd told us what you were doing, we might have been able to plan this properly.
Aramis: Yes, sorry.
Athos: No, no, by all means, let's keep things suicidal.


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I am sadly very behind on this. I got the DVD a couple weekends ago, and promptly read the fics--and forgot to leave any fdk. I forgot to even watch the vids yet! So I'm going to have to do fdk bit by bit.

One fic that really stood out to me was Nan's Halloween. I loved the look at that what-if scenario, and how it was resolved. It's just too bad that Lois couldn't keep the memory of the truth. And since she couldn't, I'm very much hoping to see a sequel to it. smile

ML's If At First You Don't Succeed took me by surprise and won me over--I'm not a huge fan of Mxy stories, and usually don't read them, but I found myself enjoying this one.

There are so many others, but I think I'll have to re-read--my memory's already hazy on 'em all.

Edit: Just watched the Super Speedy Adventured and ROFLed. Very funny and great to watch! Great job, Paul! rotflol


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Thank you, Doranwen. I haven't gotten much feedback on Halloween, so I don't know if many people read it, but I'm glad to know I didn't waste my time writing it. My time for writing has been rather severely curtailed, but it's not a permanent state, so hopefully I'll be able to write a sequel to Halloween, someday.

Nan


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Well, somewhat later than I figured, but here we go (belatedly):

I had plans to be methodical and do this alphabetically, but then I looked at the posters first. So now I'm working on reading the stories that the posters made me want to read, first of all. laugh

Starting with:

Me And My Big Mouth by Julie Stars

Julie, this was a lot of fun and very cute. Poor Lois. She does get herself into an emotional tangle, doesn't she? And then we have those final few paragraphs and...the kiss. Lovely. All in all this was a fun little moment leading to a cute resolution (and a kiss!) and it left me smiling WAFFily to myself. (Thank goodness there's no one else in this room but me. goofy )

The Gripe Sheet by Marnie

Marnie, this was absolutly hilarious. I knew I was on to a good thing when this appeared before we were two sentences in:

Quote
He had been really racking up the spandex hours,
whinging

Beautiful, Sara. Truly poetic.

LabRat smile



Athos: If you'd told us what you were doing, we might have been able to plan this properly.
Aramis: Yes, sorry.
Athos: No, no, by all means, let's keep things suicidal.


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Labby, that reminds me: can we still send in $ and get this DVD? I hadn't yet joined FoLC-dom when the fundraiser occured.


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Like, Mrs. Mosley, I'd like to know, too!


~~Even heroes have the right to dream.~~
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We're checking with Annette. It would depend on a/ how much work it would give her and b/ the cost, given that she wouldn't be sending out disks in bulk, as previously, but as one-offs.

Watch this space. wink

LabRat smile



Athos: If you'd told us what you were doing, we might have been able to plan this properly.
Aramis: Yes, sorry.
Athos: No, no, by all means, let's keep things suicidal.


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Dream A Little Dream by Irene Dutch

Well, it's always a pleasure to read anything by you, Irene. You've always been at the top of my list of favourite authors. And you didn't disappoint me any with this one.

I was intrigued with the beginning as it sought to answer a question that's bugged me at times, too. Namely, Clark proposing to Lois before telling her he was Superman. The Gingerbread Man was inspired! laugh I was goofy

Lex as the Big Bad Wolf. Who better? Inspir...um...inventive!

Quote
“Who said anything about getting in bed?” Lois shouted into the sky. “Not me! I have three rules! I’ve broken all three of them, but I have them anyway!”
Quote
“Grandma, are you sitting alone in the dark brooding about Granddaddy again? I told you. You need to forget about Mrs. Belcanto once and for all.” Lois turned on a light.
ROTFL! I could go on all day quoting my favourite lines from this one.

And then the ending with the 'perfect dream' - LOL! Just perfect.

What an original, inventive way to get Lois thinking and on the right track, Irene! Fun, cute and very funny. I loved it! Soon as you get to post it, it's going on my Kerth list.

LabRat smile



Athos: If you'd told us what you were doing, we might have been able to plan this properly.
Aramis: Yes, sorry.
Athos: No, no, by all means, let's keep things suicidal.


The Musketeers
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