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#27219 01/01/06 07:55 PM
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Enjoy! smile


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I know I’m repeating myself here, but great part Sara. This part focused much more on action, and it was very enjoyable to see how things are unfolding.

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Yup. No pressure there.
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In fact, the entire plan she and Pete had come up with in the last ten minutes had run away. Probably straight out the door, holding hands with her courage.
I really liked the touches of sarcastic humor in the face of danger. The bit about the plan and Elle’s courage running away made me laugh out loud. For me, it conjured up an image of the dish running away with the spoon from the old nursery rhyme.

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She bolted. Straight across the room and through the first door she saw. She flinched, but didn't look back when she heard the gunshot. Pretended she hadn't heard steel ripping through flesh. She couldn’t have. She ignored the grunt of pain she heard, the rustling and commotion, and slammed the door shut behind her.
These lines had a great descriptive quality to them. Previous parts of the story have used that level of description, but it usually pertained to Lois and Clark or their relationship. Here it is used to describe action, but it still done very effectively. The question of who was shot is still out there.

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Lois had missed her calling; she should have been working for the FBI. No, better yet, the FBINWWMPBN - Federal Bureau of Intensely Nosy Women Who Make People Bloody Nervous. Yup. Americans had organizations for everything; surely they had that one.
That part made me laugh out loud as well.

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Oh, gads. She was a first class idiot! All this time she'd had the solution literally staring her in the face. "Clar... Superma... uh, Mr. Kent. You've got to stop him! You're the only one who can."
Hmm…I hope they have a backup plan. Clark isn’t in any condition to stop anyone. It may be a case of the police arriving just in time. We’ll see what happens.

-Em

P.S. I’m glad you liked the line from my previous feedback. I’m flattered that you would want to use it. Please feel free to use it or to tweak the wording if you wish.


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FBINWWMPBN, eh? Federal Bureau of Intensely Nosy Women Who Make People Bloody Nervous. Well, I guess you can always try to rattle off all those letters when you meet an agent from this bureau, because the concentration required should help calm your nerves!

That abbreviation made all of this part for me, or it would have, if there had been nothing else there to capture my interest. But the way Elle was bluffing Luthor was great indeed. Too bad that in order to turn that signalling device into a "bomb", she had to press down her thumb over the "trigger" and thus cover up the parts of that thingie which allowed her to make her voice heard to Pete at all.

And then on to the second hilarious part of this chapter - well, after the FBINWWetc - the part where Elle ran straight into Clark, when she was getting away from Luthor (or attempting to save Pete, I didn't quite get it):

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Why did she feel as if she'd ran straight into a steel wall?
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Crap. Crapcrapcrap. She'd run into someone.
Well... A lady should know how to swear...
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"Are you okay? A worried, masculine voice was whispering.
LOL! rotflol That's good old Clark for you, always the perfect gentleman who's concerned about others. But Lois turns into the FBINWWetc agent, demanding answers!

And wouldn't you know it that Lois and Clark are going to escape through the one door that will lead them straight to Luthor? And Clark sure doesn't appear to be in any shape to take on Mr. Badguy himself. On the other hand, when Elle ran into Clark she thought it felt like running into a steel wall, so maybe some of Clark's powers are returning. And Elle, who is some sort of agent, and Lois, who is an FBINWWetc agent, ought to be able to come up with some kind of strategy to bring down Mr Suave Lord of Evil.

Looking forward to the next chapter!

Ann

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Good job Sara, I am also looking forward to the next chapter. Laura


Clark: “If we can be born in an instant, and die in an instant, why can’t we fall in love in an instant?”

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Hi,

Great part. clap


Maria D. Ferdez.
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Don't like Luthor, unfinished, untitled and crossover story, and people that promises and don't deliver. I'm getting choosy with age.
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I really liked the touches of sarcastic humor in the face of danger. The bit about the plan and Elle’s courage running away made me laugh out loud. For me, it conjured up an image of the dish running away with the spoon from the old nursery rhyme.
Yay! Thanks for pointing that line out. It's one of my favorites. smile

And thank you so much, Em, for all your wonderful comments!!! goofy That's probably one of the reasons I'm finding Elle so fun to write (Pete too!). So I'm glad you're enjoying it, Ann! smile

As for the confusion - Elle was running from Luthor, but as soon as she shut the door, she felt she needed to do something to help Pete... make sure help was on the way since she didn't have any way of backing him up herself.

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Good job Sara, I am also looking forward to the next chapter.
Thanks, Laura!! smile

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Don’t you dare to kill Pete!
I say nothing! sloppy

Part 27 coming up soon!

Sara smile


Kerth nominations are opening on March 3!
🏆2024 Kerth Award Posts 🏆.

Join us on the #loisclark Discord server! We talk about fanfic, the show, life, and more!

You can also find me on Tumblr and AO3.

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