I know I’m repeating myself here, but great part Sara. This part focused much more on action, and it was very enjoyable to see how things are unfolding.
In fact, the entire plan she and Pete had come up with in the last ten minutes had run away. Probably straight out the door, holding hands with her courage.
I really liked the touches of sarcastic humor in the face of danger. The bit about the plan and Elle’s courage running away made me laugh out loud. For me, it conjured up an image of the dish running away with the spoon from the old nursery rhyme.
She bolted. Straight across the room and through the first door she saw. She flinched, but didn't look back when she heard the gunshot. Pretended she hadn't heard steel ripping through flesh. She couldn’t have. She ignored the grunt of pain she heard, the rustling and commotion, and slammed the door shut behind her.
These lines had a great descriptive quality to them. Previous parts of the story have used that level of description, but it usually pertained to Lois and Clark or their relationship. Here it is used to describe action, but it still done very effectively. The question of who was shot is still out there.
Lois had missed her calling; she should have been working for the FBI. No, better yet, the FBINWWMPBN - Federal Bureau of Intensely Nosy Women Who Make People Bloody Nervous. Yup. Americans had organizations for everything; surely they had that one.
That part made me laugh out loud as well.
Oh, gads. She was a first class idiot! All this time she'd had the solution literally staring her in the face. "Clar... Superma... uh, Mr. Kent. You've got to stop him! You're the only one who can."
Hmm…I hope they have a backup plan. Clark isn’t in any condition to stop anyone. It may be a case of the police arriving just in time. We’ll see what happens.
-Em
P.S. I’m glad you liked the line from my previous feedback. I’m flattered that you would want to use it. Please feel free to use it or to tweak the wording if you wish.
